To think some children ARE just naughty?

[Dancingfairy]

I'm sick of every time a child is naughty people say they "probably have autism" my daughter has autism and isn't badly behaved at all, (violent etc) is it just me who notices this?! Naughty behaviour doesn't equal autism, just frustrated with it getting a bad name! Aibu in thinking some children ARE just naughty?

My child displayed what could be construed as violent behaviour, kicking and screaming, at the tender age of 4. I was always assured he wasn't being violent by his LSA. He wasn't about to pick up several rifles and kill anyone. He was a child who had mild to moderate, at that time, communication difficulties.

My son has autism. Some days he is the sweetest loveliest most polite little boy you could ever meet. People we don't know comment on his beautiful manners and loving nature.

Other times he is basically Chucky with a cuter face. I've been bitten, punch, kicked in the throat and worse. Those are during meltdowns. I get looks and comments all the time. Some people are sympathetic others are judgy cunts. And those ones assume he's a little shit just because. They don't assume additional needs. I only ever see people on MN assume additional needs never in real life.

Oh and I'm rolling in cash due to my son's trendy disability obviously. It totally makes up for being kicked in the throat

But I bet that child who struggles with textures will happily try the different sweets before he tries the different fruits.

Haha!

The DCs Dad has never touched mashed potato in the fifteen years I've known him. He's as likely to touch mashed potato as I am to eat peanut butter, and yes, we'd both starve first.

DD won't touch a banana if you paid her. She'll happily eat pineapple until it comes out her ears though.

@lurked it was really a response to a pp, But also to say that unfortunately there are people (granted a very small number) who would be motivated by money. IMO, things like that could play a big part in the reluctance to diagnose those who actually need support.
Obviously it's not the only reason, but there never is one reason for anything.

AeroflotGirl, this was my son. We had years of constant meltdown at home, and school couldn't/wouldn't help him.
The cracks started to show shortly after starting secondary school, and knowing this, he got to a point where he couldn't go in, he was so scared of "letting go" in school, because he could see and hear other's opinions about autism (from children and teachers - the worst was a geography teacher and TA laughing at an autistic pupil and calling her names - ds has very good hearing and heard it all, predictably it was denied).
Autistic people face shitty judgements from too many people, and threads like this don't help.

To be honest threads like this pop up most weekends, so it may just be yet another GF.

I helped some parents, whilst in Parent Partnership, who had children who would hold it together at school, primary, and then lash out at home. The problem arises when moving up from key stage 2 to key stage 3 and the child has not progressed because they simply refuse to do homework and the family are in, quite frankly, chaos.

@cloudperson apologies where have I generalised? I did try to make it clear I didn't think the same thing applies to everyone (it didn't come across that way I guess!)

Dan

If you were motivated by money you would be disappointed and frustrated.

It is incredibly difficult to get a asd assessment!

^To be fair though JonSnowsWife, that's mainstream opinion, from teachers, professionals and CAMHS.
Assume crap parenting until they have jumped through enough hoops to prove they're not.^

Then once diagnosed, most, apart from a small minority, will continue to assume crap parenting because "autism doesn't look like that"

Very true cloudperson. Sadly so.

nomap how on earth do you know what food clouds dc should or shouldn't be eating or what she should try?

My nt dd will eat any texture of fruit, and her food tastes generally meet the idea of a healthy diet. Unless you are anti carbs. Funnily enough nobody seems massively concerned that she or I should eat more junk, or that it is a dietary issue to avoid some food combinations, or textures, or that we would have better lives if we ate cafe breakfasts. (When you know the soggy stuff will touch other things and runny eggs will be all over the place). So I'm always confused why this is considered something parents can and must solve when the child has sn and food habits that don't meet mumsnetters ideals of balanced diet.

Dan Induced and Fabricated Illness is a subject that I know quite a bit about.
To say that this woman faked illnesses (not disabilities) in her children 'for the benefits' is a gross simplification.

I would be astounded if that woman's primary motivation was money.

Also saying 'it happens' and then citing a case that has nothing to do with autism shows very little understanding of the issue discussed on this thread.

Vinisgroot

Great post of yours up thread.

Sorry Dan, maybe I was being sensitive, it's just quite common for these threads to descend into evidence of parents making it up to cover up their bad parenting skills.

My son will eat a handful of things. He likes haribo, but like most parents we limit this, he certainly doesn't eat sweets and nothing else. He won't try different sweets, not since he tried an unfamiliar one and threw up!
He reliably eats under 10 things, in different combinations. He will now try tiny tastes of things, but often these make him gag and he'll never try them again.

It's easy enough to make assumptions based on NT children, it's usually misguided and unhelpful though.

My son's diet is so limited, I'm ashamed to say what it is. Certainly I would be judged heavily on it. (He ditched the Haribo after his father left).

Some children with asd are violent because of their asd. My ds is one of them. I'm sorry OP if you feel the existence of my ds is upsetting your day or giving your dd a bad name.

People on MN (I agree rarely in real life) suggest SN or specifically ASD in some situations because it is good to think about other people and how their life might be different from yours. How something you took for granted was a real struggle for them. Instead of dismissing something as 'naughty' or 'because of bad parenting'.

Some parents struggle with day to day discipline. So imagine how the same parent would struggle with a SN child with challenging behaviour. There is very little help out there.

I'd rather people thought twice about judging a stereotypical 'naughty' child than bring their ignorance down on my ds who really does need their understanding.

My DS has been dx with ASD twice.
So I think we can be pretty sure he has it.
I have worked in the field of SEND for decades (relevant, I am not just showing off ). I was part of the team dxing in my borough.

I can't tell you how many times I have been told that he didn't have it.
That they diagnose kids too easily nowadays.
That there is 'nothing wrong with him'

People who tell me this range from those who 'know' because their mum works in a special school to actual teachers who work in special schools.
Escorts on the school transport tend to be 'experts' as do TAs.

The fact is these people have a set view on what ASD looks like and a entrenched prejudice against parents. They are so sure of their superior knowledge they are incapable of learning.
Imagine if we were all like that.

I agree, this thread is goady and judgmental. Of course it’s true that some kids are naughty and don’t have SN, but it’s not right of the OP to say that just because her child who is autistic isn’t violent that means that autism doesn’t cause children to be violent.

That is patently not true. Some children on the spectrum become violent because they are feeling overwhelmed and are unable to process it. That is true of my DD1. She copes at school but she’s like a coiled spring when she gets home because she’s been holding it together through the day and she can just explode at times.

At the end of the day, it’s not down to you to make the assessment.

Oh cloud, I am sorry. It is very common, especially when moving through the Key stages, as it all change and different expectations. My dd due to her learning difficulties, has the social emotional age of a 7/8 year old, she is not very perpercive, or if she is, she is a closed book and doesn't show her feelings to us. She goes to a SS for Asd, who are fantastic and a lovely nurturing environment. Looking at dd, you can tell she has SN, she stimms a lot, jumps up and down and flaps.

I wpd love dd to not have Asd, to go to mainstream with her peers, even Grammar school. Why would I want such a life for her, it angers me. Riddled with uncertainly, watching her peers reach milestones she's not ready for😪😪😪

Why would I want her to have Asd, I wpd rather she did not, and to live a typical life like her mainstream peers, trendy illness my left foot. As soon as Paediatric clapped eyes on her Asd was suggested,

I don't lurked I'm merely responding to her comment about how some children have a crap diet because parent have no time, or the child struggles with texture.
There are many many textures and tastes in many food forms both crap and healthy.

Oh it’s the Sunday evening autism thread. Isn’t this supposed to be posted on a Saturday night?

I think the snide posts about how wonderfully behaved children with autism are can be just as disabilist as people who post about how awful the autistic children are.

Yes. We get that some children with ASD behave impeccably, would never swear or be violent because they know how to behave. But oh wait what was it called again autism SPECTRUM disorder. Which means you will get children who struggle to manage their behaviour, reactions and social communication. Yes, they can be violent. It’s called a fucking meltdown and there’s only so many of those you can manage and direct before you get punched or smacked in the face in Marks and Spencer and everyone does the collective horrified gasp.

The link the op has posted doesn’t work. Probably for the best. I’ve read enough disabilist shit on the Metro Facebook page today.

cloud my original post about crap food = crap behavior was in general. It had no correlation with a child with any form of sn. I have no experience of a child with sn and my original post wasn't related. When you replied I didn't know that your child had sn.
I'm guessing totally differnet rules compared to those with no sn?

It would be nice if the posters who's children don't display challenging behaviour or who are compliant took a moment to think about what it would be like if their child did

yes - this!

There are a host of other reasons besides autism which could result in behavioural issues.

'Bad parenting' isn't a child's fault though, is it?