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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some children ARE just naughty?

217 replies

Dancingfairy · 08/10/2017 12:27

I'm sick of every time a child is naughty people say they "probably have autism" my daughter has autism and isn't badly behaved at all, (violent etc) is it just me who notices this?! Naughty behaviour doesn't equal autism, just frustrated with it getting a bad name! Aibu in thinking some children ARE just naughty?

OP posts:
CloudPerson · 08/10/2017 15:54

And re. diet, correlation == causation.
A snapshot of my family may show crap diets, but it may not show the constant refereeing and supervision needed to prevent meltdowns and difficult behaviour, which means unless dh is home I don't physically have the time to make wholesome meals, plus I have another who has a very limited diet who refuses to,eat most things (not down to,parenting, down to flavours and textures)

DanHumphreyIsA · 08/10/2017 15:55

To the poster suggesting that you'd go after a diagnosis for money, it's one of the most offensive and stupid things I've heard

But it happens.
A while ago it was in the news about a mum who faked her childrens illnesses, claimed thousands in DLA and the poor children even underwent unnecessary surgeries as part of the 'scam'.
The mum defended her actions as a result of anxiety - but how could we know that to be true?
Granted, this is an extreme case, but how many smaller cases go unnoticed?

I am by no means saying all or most people do this, but there will be a small percentage.
And as with anything, the minority who do the wrong thing give the rest a bad name.
Denying it happens makes it easier for it to happen however. And its likely that these types of 'scammers' contribute to creating more obstacles for those who do need the support.

Back to the OP, I think it really lies with its either going to be SN or parenting (atleast up to an age where the child can understand there actions). And no I don't mean always 'poor' parenting, some people struggle to teach or discipline, some people don't know how to and of course some who dont want to.

DanHumphreyIsA · 08/10/2017 15:55

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-london-37081642

For those who want to check..

RebelRogue · 08/10/2017 15:58

It also depends what you mean by behaving badly, and whether as a parent of a child with autism you can recognise what is naughty behaviour and what is caused by autism,in your child.
Because there are many behaviours that a lot of other people would consider as naughty or rude even in the best behaved child with autism.
Also the deniers won't care that your DD is a well behaved child,any behaviour that is not the norm and caused by her autism,if referred to it as such will cause eye rolls and "back in my day comments".

JonSnowsWife · 08/10/2017 16:00

Err yes his in prison for gbh and kidnap! What term would you use?

So because you know of one person who's ended up in prison for GBH and Kidnap who isn't autistic, other children who have a diagnosis but are also naughty can't possibly be autistic? Confused

You're comparing apples with oranges.

JonSnowsWife · 08/10/2017 16:02

^But it happens.
A while ago it was in the news about a mum who faked her childrens illnesses, claimed thousands in DLA and the poor children even underwent unnecessary surgeries as part of the 'scam'.
The mum defended her actions as a result of anxiety - but how could we know that to be true?
Granted, this is an extreme case, but how many smaller cases go unnoticed?^

So because you read of one story it must be true? Do you know how hard it is to get a diagnosis in the first place? How many families, parents have had to give up well paid jobs to be full time carers for their son or daughter? You honestly think people would make that shit up to go from a salary of thousands for a carers allowance of £60a week?...

Elendon · 08/10/2017 16:03

I can't even begin to understand how anyone can claim DLA when their children are normal.

Moreover, what doctor would subject a child on the say so of the mother, to invasive surgery?

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/10/2017 16:03

I'm saying violence doesn't equal autism so stop saying it does! And I've just read that news article tbh it wouldn't surprise me as people are waaaaay to keen to diagnose these days.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 08/10/2017 16:04

@DanHumphreyIsA

There are a lot of things mixed up in that case. From the fact that hospitals agreed and carried procedures with no proof, to child abuse(because what she did was abuse) to benefit fraud and claiming to be single when not.
Apparently it was easier for this woman to have her kids undergo surgery than it is for autistic kids to actually be diagnosed with autism. How fucked up is that? The system sucks.

NoMapOfMyHead · 08/10/2017 16:05

cloud there's no excuse for feeding your child a crap diet. Sweets come in many different tastes and textures, as does fruit. But I bet that child who struggles with textures will happily try the different sweets before he tries the different fruits.

Elendon · 08/10/2017 16:05

Getting PIP is a nightmare - despite a home visit from DWPs to ascertain I am his advocate, he's been asked to be assessed at a centre.

RebelRogue · 08/10/2017 16:07

'm saying violence doesn't equal autism so stop saying it doe

No one said that. What people are trying to say is that even if your kid doesn't present in that way, sometimes autism can present in violent meltdowns, sometimes aimed at themselves ,sometimes aimed at others.

DanHumphreyIsA · 08/10/2017 16:08

@JonSnow it was widly reported, not one 'story'. That's just the first link I could find.

Questions were raised about those who actually made the diagnoses, too, but I'm not sure what, if anything, happened with those doctors.

If you read it she actually went to prison.

CloudPerson · 08/10/2017 16:09

Dan, can you not see how incredibly offensive that kind of generalisation is?
Filling out DLA forms is very difficult, not only because you need to know how to fill them in, and the amount of information needed, but it also confirms the difficulties your child has, with no space to tell them the great things about your child. It's awful.

No matter what sector of society, there are scumbags, but unfortunately, the wealthy scumbags, even though arguably they leach more from society, get away with it, and aren't the subject of propaganda tv shows. The odd parent managing (somehow, I don't know how!) to pull the wool over the eyes of the stringent assessors, and these very rare cases mean that many people think it's ok to judge parents of disabled children for whining, and they shouldn't because look at all the money they get...
It's shit, it really is.

Lurkedforever1 · 08/10/2017 16:10

All kids, nt or sn are capable of being naughty just for the sheer hell of it. Because things look fun and they don't have impulse control. Loads of nt toddlers with go through biting phases, or tantrums, or trying to run off etc. All of which are naughty. And good parenting doesn't stop it happening, the good parenting bit is how you react to it. But that is nothing to do with dealing with some children's sn related behaviour.

dan but what the hell has that got to do with autism?

JonSnowsWife · 08/10/2017 16:11

Prison is full of people with undiagnosed additional need

I know cloudperson it's awful isn't it? Did you read about the lad with ASD recently who begged to be put in prison early so he'd spend his birthday somewhere warm? Sad

silkpyjamasallday · 08/10/2017 16:13

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JonSnowsWife · 08/10/2017 16:14

I'm saying violence doesn't equal autism so stop saying it does!

No, you didn't, you said it wasn't a symptom of autism, which is wrong.

RebelRogue · 08/10/2017 16:14

@NoMapOfMyHead

My kid eats a lot of sweets and is beautifully behaved. So AIBU to think that sweets are not the issue ,it's crap parenting and kids being little shits.
As the parent of a sweets eating kid I don't want my kid being put in the same boat as all those hyperactive,loud,annoying kids.
Sugar rush is all an over used excuse because my DD,despite eating all those sweets has never experienced it. Hell she can go to sleep straight after eating half a chocolate .

CloudPerson · 08/10/2017 16:14

NoMap, your post is laughable, you have no idea at all.

It must be lovely to be in a position to make ignorant judgements.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2017 16:15

I am stunned by the ignorance on here, its mindblowing! No not all kids who are naughty, have Autism or other SN, but Autism is on a spectrum, when you meet one Autistic person, you have met one Autistic person, Autism is different for every person or child that has it. My dd who is 10 has ASD and learning difficulties, but is not violent or aggressive, but my friends ds who is also 10 and has Autism, can be violent and aggressive and use bad language as he finds it difficult to cope with some situations or it may get too overwhelming for him.

JonSnowsWife · 08/10/2017 16:16

I think a lot of parents aren't willing to accept their own failures and seek a diagnosis of autism or ADHD and fail rather than address their own failures. It's insulting to those parents who do have DC with additional needs or who aren't NT.

No. What is insulting is people thinking parents who have fought for help for their children for years are just trying to excuse their bad parenting Hmm

GrockleBocs · 08/10/2017 16:17

And But I bet that child who struggles with textures will happily try the different sweets before he tries the different fruits.

CloudPerson · 08/10/2017 16:20

To be fair though JonSnowsWife, that's mainstream opinion, from teachers, professionals and CAMHS.
Assume crap parenting until they have jumped through enough hoops to prove they're not.
Then once diagnosed, most, apart from a small minority, will continue to assume crap parenting because "autism doesn't look like that" Hmm

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2017 16:21

I know a lot of people fighting for the right help, there is a term called 'delayed reaction' whereby a child who is Autistic may hold it together at school but explode when they are in the relaxed environment of home. My friends ds held it together at school until he could no longer, than it started to show at school. Some children still don't display at school. Its like a fizzy pop bottle that gets shaken throughout the school day: oh no change of gate (shake the pop bottle up a bit), pencil is broken (shake it up a bit more), change of class room (shake the bottle a bit more), being teased at lunch (shake the pop bottle that bit more) until the end of the day there is a big explosion and its usually outside school at home. I could hear my friends ds loose it as the teacher handed him to her at home time.