To think some children ARE just naughty?

[Dancingfairy]

I'm sick of every time a child is naughty people say they "probably have autism" my daughter has autism and isn't badly behaved at all, (violent etc) is it just me who notices this?! Naughty behaviour doesn't equal autism, just frustrated with it getting a bad name! Aibu in thinking some children ARE just naughty?

it's getting to the point autism is getting a bad name

Personally, I took this to mean that the minority who blame something - anything - other than their own parenting are taking too much time and attention away from those who genuinely need help

I honestly don't think anyone's denying the very real struggles of children and parents who have to manage a genuine condition, though ... at least I hope not

I've already clarified that way I say naughty I mean violent/aggressive/bad language. Those are not symptoms of austism so I'm fed up of any child who displays those behaviours being classed as "probably autistic" and it is getting a bad name being associated with unpleasant behaviour.

My child has autism, severe learning difficulties and is non verbal. He is 12 but his understanding is that of a young toddler and he has severe sensory difficulties on top of that.
Given all this it is not surprising that sometimes when he is distressed, he becomes very aggressive. He can be naughty and do things that he knows he isn't allowed to do but when he is howling, biting himself or trying to bite others, he isn't being naughty, he is very distressed.

Oh and when I say just naughty I mean with no special need. Bad upbringing lack of discipline that kind of thing.

We do get DLA for DD1, who has Attachment Disorder which is £60 per week. The therapist assessing her recommended that she should do gymnastics and the money covers that, and other activities she does.

But you have to work so hard to get a diagnosis! We knew she had her issues but it took a long time to come to the point of asking for help. I really don’t believe parents ask for help just to get benefits. It’s a lot to go through just to get £60 extra per week!

Those are not symptoms of austism so I'm fed up of any child who displays those behaviours being classed as "probably autistic" and it is getting a bad name being associated with unpleasant behaviour.

They most certainly can be!!

YANBU op. I had the exact same discussion with DM last week. It makes a mockery of those of us who are parenting a child with autism when people automatically say that a naughty child must be autistic. Naughty does not = autism. There could be so many other things that are causing a child's behaviour.

Some children with autism can have behaviour that gives the appearance of violence. It is a symptom for some.

and it is getting a bad name being associated with unpleasant behaviour.

Shall have to tell the lovely mum at school who often looks exasperated, (and tries her absolute best with her eldest) because of her DCs 'unpleasant behaviour' that their diagnosis must be wrong then.

I can't comment on the subject of special needs, because I'm not well-informed enough to do so. But I do take issue with the idea that children only behave badly if they're grappling with inner trauma. There was a thread on here a while ago about a child who had done something very spiteful to a classmate, even though he was definitely old enough to know better. Some posters were actually calling the mother "malicious" for punishing him! Apparently she should just have talked to him and tried to understand why he did it, try to get him to empathise with the other boy, etc

Kids aren’t stupid – some of them will work out that if they say, “I did it because I was worried/upset about XYZ”, they can draw attention away from what they did wrong and get an easier ride (let’s be honest, all of us could name something in our lives that worries or upsets us). Same with asking them to empathise with the other person – some kids will realise that they can get away with picking on others as long as they say the right things if they get caught, even if they don’t actually mean it. That doesn’t mean these approaches are wrong – it’s just that sometimes, they will need to be accompanied by punishments if anything is going to change.

Yes, many children with behavioural problems are reacting to difficult home lives/being bullied themselves/feeling insecure, etc. but it’s not the case with all of them. To give an extreme example: I know someone who admits that he bullied a few kids at high school and feels awful about it now, as he never received any negative consequences for it. Many people would think that the way he targeted these kids – kicking and spitting at them when they walked past in the school corridor, spreading malicious rumours about them, making digs about their appearance in front of the whole class whenever a teacher left the room – must have been the result of some inner turmoil, but it really wasn’t. He was popular, he got good grades, he had a stable home life – he admits that he just got an ego boost from tormenting someone, making his classmates laugh, and getting away with it. It’s a myth that all bullies have low self-esteem.

It's not just about parents managing behaviour but about getting an education and school for their child!

My son was not going to get this without a diagnosis or a full statement (as it was then - he still has a full Education and Health Care Plan in sixth form).

OP do you think that if a child with autism has aggressive behaviour, it is the child's parents fault. Is that what you are saying?

It makes a mockery of those of us who are parenting a child with autism when people automatically say that a naughty child must be autistic. Naughty does not = autism. There could be so many other things that are causing a child's behaviour.

No it doesn't. It is a huge spectrum. You'll have well behaved autistic children one end, 'violent' children on the other end. Their diagnosis is no less valid than yours.

My DS is well behaved in school, but I don't make other peoples life more harder with snap judgements. Anyone with a child with ASD should all be on the same team.

Of course there are children who are just naughty. What is getting me is people saying naughty doesn't = autism. Of course not but they may be symptoms of it.

I find the naughtier kids are the ones who eat more crap in their diet.

So every little shit is autistic then?! A friends son got sent to prison the other day and he is 16 maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe he is autistic. sigh.

Christ on a bike. Calling other peoples children little shits. How mature.

Yes, my oldest is naughty and doesn't have SN. It's a bit irritating that you then assume it's poor parenting, which is as much of an assumption as SN. He has an extremely spiky development profile which he finds hard to cope with. But also, he's just like that. He's overexcitable generally and takes a lot of hard work from us to get to a standard of behaviour that other kids seem to achieve more easily. Quite glad I have my much easier younger child to point to when people are wanky.

Yanbu. Ds has special needs including suspected ASD and isn’t naughty either.

Err yes his in prison for gbh and kidnap! What term would you use? I'm not saying some asd children aren't violent that is not it at all, I am saying violent child doesn't= autistic so people should stop suggesting it as the answer to every naughty child.

No one thinks that if a child is naughty/violent/whatever, they must have autism or anything else.

The dividing of people with autism into deserving/acceptable and non deserving/unacceptable is offensive and what I hope is not going on here.

I mean with no special need. Bad upbringing lack of discipline that kind of thing.
It's perfectly possible for a child with SN to have lack of discipline and a bad upbringing as SN occurs within all types of families.

Totally agree my son has autism and doesn’t behave badly

"I've already clarified that way I say naughty I mean violent/aggressive/bad language. Those are not symptoms of austism"

They are symptoms of my child's autism. Just because his symptoms don't match those of your child don't mean he's any less autistic, and just because your child doesn't present in this way doesn't allow you to say that these symptoms are categorically not autism, it doesn't work like this.
My child does not smear, I wouldn't dream of saying that a child who does isn't autistic, because I know better than to assume that my child represents the only presentation of autism there is.

Prison is full of people with undiagnosed additional needs, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if a 16 yr old who has gone off the rails so much that he ends up in prison has unidentified needs, but society is full of people who would rather label people as little shits than actually work out why they are off the rails and how to actually help them.

Ahem....

And no, violence etc does not mean autism, but if there are consistent problems which school a day/or parents are unable to sort out with normal parenting strategies, then it's a good idea to rule out an underlying condition - except this doesn't happen. Like I said, society likes to deny the possibility of autism, ADHD etc, and prefers to blame parents and call the children little shits.