Ponytail

[caffeineandcalpol]

So here it goes.
DD is 19 months old and attends a Montessori nursery. I wanted her to go here as I liked their teachings and I let as though the children could be themselves, free sprites that kind of thing.
DP picked her up with a tacky high pony tail in. Now, DD has the craziest hair around , it's wild , curly, had a life of its own, a bit like DD . It's just her. She will never ever let me put a slide in or do anything with it, complete little wild child.
I don't see why they tied it up?? It's not in her way, it's short and I feel as though she has been treated like a doll for the entertainment of the staff.AIBU if I complain?

It's called learning through play/dressing up/role play. That's what kids do. 🤣🤣🤣🙄🙄🙄🦄🦄🦄🦄

Are you for real? So if nits is going around the nursery then you'd be happy for your kid to come home infested, just so long as they didn't touch their hair? Nuts

I only read OP first message she didn’t say anything about her daughter having nits but talking of nits, children who have nits shouldn’t be allowed in nursery/school until their hair has been treated, there is a “nit nurse” at my sons school that is there to treat children with nits, but luckily my son has never caught them, if he did I wouldn’t want someone else putting the treatment in his hair, that’s something I would do.

And now it's about race.....there is as good a chance that dd has an afro as perhaps a carer?

Maybe the Lurky Russians are poking about here as well as America social media to stir up race relations?

When will the pendulum swing back to enjoying and expounding differences instead of everything equal or hidden subtext of racial injustice.

Was this whole thread the OP saying (but only alluding) that her dd is mixed race and unique bc of her mixed race hair? SO unique that dd is a dolly?

If so, Mrs and OP, read this through, not one person thought race. This is about parenting. Ffs, my dn is mixed race.

You said nursery workers shouldn't be touching childrens hair. I used nits as an example of a reason that they should/would.

What a batshit thread!

Anyway, i struggle to see how you can put a ponytail in hair that is just three inches long.

AbbyLee I asked if OP's DD was mixed race or black because I know and respect the fact that for some black or mixed race people, their hair is a sensitive issue....and they're fucking ALLOWED that.

If a black woman doesn't appreciate people touching or playing with her hair because hey...it's her HAIR...then fine...that's her right. Black women have been fetishised and objectified for centuries....I'm white. Nobody presumes to stroke my hair and say things like "OOH can I touch it!"

Do they? Nope!

So...forgive me for checking if OP's child was black or mixed race because these MIGHT be the issues at hand.

It used to happen to ds too. Huge brown curls (not Afro). Poor kid used to be petted like a dog by (usually Asian) tourists and threatened by old ladies 'I'm going to steal some of your curls!'.

zzzz

Oh for goodness' sake. 19 months isn't massively late to be walking or talking, there are no additional needs which the nursery needs to take into account when dealing with this child. Delayed development sounds rather dramatic when it's all within the normal range!

I've had my (red) hair prodded and touched in places where they don't see it much.

Maybe other children were pulling her hair? Maybe they were crafting and they didn’t want paint to get in her hair? Maybe she was visibly pushing it out of her eyes a lot?

So many reasons.
Firstly, ask them.
Secondly, calm down, you’re being ridiculous.

zzzz

No, I just think that if her daughter can let her know she doesn't like her hair being done (pulling away, batting hands etc) then she'll do the same to nursery staff if she doesn't like it.

I don't think that not being able to walk or talk at 19 months means a child should be labelled as delayed - it's totally within the normal developmental range.

And I supported OP in my original post by suggesting a way she could ask about it without coming across as batshit crazy.

For those bickering about her delay, it's not me labelling her. She has been assessed and is currently being monitored. Developmental delay, their words , not mine

She may have seen other children playing with hair or wanting " tacky " ponytails.

I personally don't see the issue.

storms off to go put in a tacky ponytail for work

Thanks for clarifying OP.

zzzz I still don't see how any of this means she won't have been able to let them know she didn't like it or pull it out, unless the delay is very severe. Unless that's the case then I think it's totally irrelevant tbh!

OP- I mean this in the kindest way possible but you’re discovering that there’s 2 versions of your dd. The one you know and the one at nursery/pre-school/school.

Collective MN wisdom will tell you that your child might chat the hind legs off a donkey at home but be quiet as a dormouse at school. Or they eat mainly beige dinners at home but are found happily munching on a pear at nursery snack time.

I’d give the teachers the benefit of the doubt. If you were doing a child’s hair and another look interested, wouldn’t you do it for the interested child? A young child being interested is that intense stare that they do like before you wean them. They’re watching and analyzing things like the Terminator scanning the room. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that she won’t tolerate you doing her hair but will happily allow a teacher to do it. Usually teachers get a well-behaved version of our kids - certainly no unreasonable tantrums like at home. 😂

You need to stop thinking about ponytails as tacky. Your dd is mixing with others now and she will form her own opinions on hairstyles and hair accessories.

Haven't read the full thread, but working in a preschool we always noted unruly hair would bother the children when trying to concentrate, they'd keep brushing it out of their eyes. There's also the nits as pp have mentioned and the possibility of it getting paint/cake mix etc in.

My DD who makes the biggest fuss about having her hair done at home sometimes comes home from nursery with lovely French plaits etc. They are often different children at nursery to home.

zzzz

Communication disorders? Argh. I'm out.

When DD2 was in reception she had long wild curly hair and hated (still does) having it brushed and put up neatly - blood curdling screams, tears, the whole shebang. Imagine my surprise when she came home one day with two neat french plaits, looking smug as anything. "Oh she was good as gold - she just sat there smiling while I did it after her ponytail came out." says the teacher.

Is there a reason you’re continuing to engage on this thread without having asked the Nursery what happened, op?
You could actually know what happened by now; instead you’re still speculating with total strangers. What’s that about?
Is there a little bit of never let the truth get in the way of a good story going on?