Ponytail

[caffeineandcalpol]

So here it goes.
DD is 19 months old and attends a Montessori nursery. I wanted her to go here as I liked their teachings and I let as though the children could be themselves, free sprites that kind of thing.
DP picked her up with a tacky high pony tail in. Now, DD has the craziest hair around , it's wild , curly, had a life of its own, a bit like DD . It's just her. She will never ever let me put a slide in or do anything with it, complete little wild child.
I don't see why they tied it up?? It's not in her way, it's short and I feel as though she has been treated like a doll for the entertainment of the staff.AIBU if I complain?

You think her getting a ponytail, which takes a minute or so, might get in the way of her developmental play?

Yikes.

I mean this kindly and as a person who has worked in nursery and is now a Nanny. Don’t even go there, you will embarrass yourself.

I'd be elated, we have the opposite!! DD goes to nursery with it tied up & 5 minutes after I leave she's like a Vidal Sassoon advert wafting her hair around. At least twice a term we get a letter about nits so I'd be delighted if she kept it in a ponytail.

However I do think you're getting a lot of flack OP, I'd be curious in your situation. I don't think you should complain but I would conversationally drop in something along the lines of.... 'how did you manage to tie her hair up' to get to the bottom of it - although you'd probably of been better doing that at the time she was picked up. I very much doubt it will be a sinister reason.

Apologies just realised you didn't pick her up but your DP.

Wow, this escalated.

OP, I'd just ask "I noticed she came back with a ponytail yesterday. Are there nits going round?"
You'll get your answer without complaining.

Op, do you look down on the nursery staff? The 'tacky' high ponytail and idea that paid employees want to play 'dolly' suggests that you do.

I can just about persuade my DD to let me scrape her hair out of her eyes and tie it back with an elastic in the mornings. When I collect her from nursery, she's often sporting the most amazing hairdos - elaborate French plaits, lots of little braids, etc. Apparently she loves having it done! (All hell breaks loose when we try to get the 929392382 hair bands out at bath time, but that's another story...) I think YABU, OP, but you can always talk to the nursery to check that your DD seems happy when they do her hair.

I'm sure nursery staff have better things to do than treat a child like a doll

And if DD is such a "wild child" as you say then surely she would've done whatever she normally does that stops you putting things in her hair if she wasn't happy?

Awaits this thread being deleted “for privacy reasons”

I'm with you, OP, I would have been livid too.

I would find that odd too OP. I think NC4now's advice is a good way to broach it. There does seem to be a fashion in the UK for treating girls' hair as though the pain that can be caused by styling is immaterial and lots of parents seem to be fine with brushing and pulling hair despite tears (though they may try to minimize those). There are sometimes good reasons for putting hair up, but I doubt a boy with similar hair would have had it pulled into a tight bun even if there were nits going around, so I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to follow this up. It's never a good idea to do so in anger though, so make sure you're out of rant mode when you do ask!

Dial 101 and get it logged.

Since when is a high ponytail tacky?

Have you mistaken Montessori for something else? The children aren't left to be free sprites. It is child and play led, but not wild by any means.

Just ask them. I suspect another child was having her hair tied back for whatever reason and your daughter showed an interest. She probably sat still for the nursery worker too. Kids do behave differently in different settings.

Or, you know, the nursery workers decided to torment your toddler and hoik her hair back for their own sick amusement.

Definitely one of those two options

Not just any nursery - a Montessori nursery, no less...!!

Perhaps your ‘free spirit’ of a child with ‘hair as wild as she is’ is not as unconventional & bohemian as you have decided she should be?

(I cant actually visualise how 3” of hair goes into a ponytail tbh either - even a super tight one)

Believe me, the stress of having her hair tied up would be nothing compared to the stress of combing out headlice!

If I forget to tie my daughters hair up for nursery they tend to to it up for me

1. it gets in her face
2. it gets her hot and sweaty
3. it gets food in it
4. other kids pull it

It could have been any of those complete non issue reasons above why they tied her hair up

Is it really a big deal?

@zzzzz Montessori nurseries don't allow the tacky high pony tails that normal nurseries allow, don't cha know?

We had Brittany spiers style pink fluffy pigtails at our Montessori nursery.

Not necessarily BoomBoom, my ds comes back with a high pony sometimes...

sparklewater - exactly what I was going to say, 3 of my nephews regularly came home with their hair tied up as they'd requested it, and two sometimes went to nursery with it tied up or with slides as they'd asked for it in the morning.

The last school I worked in had a policy that hair falling below the collar had to be tied up, girls and boys. Two boys in EYFS wore their hair tied up for school and nobody batted an eyelid.

OP, when you have had to comb out nits, you will fully appreciate hair being pulled back...it's a delight...

Not just any nursery - a Montessori nursery, no less...!!. WTF does that mean?

Why the humphy face zzz?!
Calm down dear!!

Just musing that it needed specifying that it was a Montessori^^ nursery - rather than just ‘Dd is at nursery’.
Like it’s totes spesh and A Very Important Point to make that its not just a bog standard nursery.