Ponytail

[caffeineandcalpol]

So here it goes.
DD is 19 months old and attends a Montessori nursery. I wanted her to go here as I liked their teachings and I let as though the children could be themselves, free sprites that kind of thing.
DP picked her up with a tacky high pony tail in. Now, DD has the craziest hair around , it's wild , curly, had a life of its own, a bit like DD . It's just her. She will never ever let me put a slide in or do anything with it, complete little wild child.
I don't see why they tied it up?? It's not in her way, it's short and I feel as though she has been treated like a doll for the entertainment of the staff.AIBU if I complain?

I used to work with children. I can tell you now, that the children behaved entirely different with me than they did their parents.

I could change their nappies without them protesting (parents were in awe), they knew house rules, tidied up after playtime etc. Some of the parents were amazed as their children run them ragged.

I think you'll find you are being slightly precious about this. You clearly are scared of upsetting your DD by perhaps not insisting that she will sit to let you do her hair?

As lovely as it is to allow your children to be free spirited, they also have to learn boundaries and know that the adult gets the final say on some things.

People who work with children can form some lovely bonds with them, but they will never feel the same way you do about your own. It's highly unlikely they tied her hair up because they were treating her like a precious dolly.

Speak to the nursery if it bothers you. I'm assuming they did it for practical reasons.

I confess I am struggling to understand why you've gone to all the bother of posting - "ranting" - about it, to speculate about the fact that you feel your DD may have been used as a "doll" (really?), when you could have just...Y'know...Asked them...

They won't have been treating your child like a play thing. This is their job. You chose this environment because you thought they could do the best for your child so credit them with the professionalism you thought they had when you first sent her there.

Your child is the centre of your world, not theirs. This leaves two options. As it is child led, your child managed to communicate an interest in the process and they obliged.
They are trying to do you a favour and prevent lice transfer amongst the group. You describe her hair as being wild. That translates to total nightmare to get a nit comb through.
You have just jumped off the PFB cliff here. Your daughter's wild hair will need to be caged during class time as she gets older, mainly because nits are total bastards. Seriously, look through the threads here. Almost totally immune to germ warfare, parents who don't seem to care, multiple reinfestations and super egg layers.

So unless you plan on cultivating them and encouraging your child to see them as pets, I'd be investigating how they got her to sit still for future reference.

Bloody hell

'Treating her like a doll'

Because everyone who ties up a dc hair at nursery is doing just that.

Ridiculous

Ditzy

Agree 100 percent

My dd as a toddler hated me doing her hair. When her key worker at nursery did it she loved it said he was 'gentle not like mummy' we still go in to see nursery staff now

Oh god, I so want her to come home today wearing a JoJo.

Move nursery OP.

a non verbal child with developmental delay isn't going to be able to object

By OP's first post, the child is well able to communicate when she doesn't want something in ways other than verbally - "she will never ever let me put a slide in or do anything with it".

OP I am with you on this one YANBU - the nursery staff shouldn’t be touching your child’s hair, full stop!

If I were you I wouldn’t confront them this time but if it did happen again I would say something.

the nursery staff shouldn’t be touching your child’s hair, full stop

Are you for real? So if nits is going around the nursery then you'd be happy for your kid to come home infested, just so long as they didn't touch their hair? Nuts.

zzzz

School is very different to nursery though - am not sure your story is relevant tbh. And delayed walking and talking doesn't necessarily mean additional needs!

It's policy at our nursery that long hair is tied back to minimise the spread of nits.

As a parent of a longish haired child I follow it. I also expect other (patents of) children to do the same. This helps minimise the chance that my child will get nits.

If your child's hair is long and curly and she doesn't like you putting it up I'm guessing you don't nit comb, so if she gets nits you probably wouldn't know until they were very established (and therefore spreading everywhere). that means it's even more important to keep her hair up.

As an aside I found that going out and choosing a hairbrush and hair bands together and making a big thing of her being able to choose what she has in it has tamed the screaming beast she was the first time I tried to do it.

Oh god, I so want her to come home today wearing a JoJo.

What's a jojo?

Loyalty- why shouldn't the nursery staff be touching their hair?!

Sometimes I wonder what goes through some parents minds. By making so many restrictions on adult and child interaction, you are effectively giving children the mindset that they are untouchable and rule the roost. We are not talking about corporate punishment here, nothing wrong with children's hair being touched, styled etc. So long as the scissors don't come out- I fail to see the harm.

I worked in childcare for years. I gave up after the new surge of precious parents arose. They didn't agree with time out, hated their children getting messy, wanted me to ignore their child's bad behaviour (I.e if their child hit another, I was to ignore it as they felt by giving it attention they'd do it more. However, god forbid another child hit theirs .. all hell broke loose). I could go on. But whatever happened to common sense and a little bit of discipline. So long as children are loved and cared for, parents should learn to trust and relax a bit. Too much pressure is put on childcare providers these days. The children I could manage but the parents were too much for me.

@zzzz - The reality probably lies somewhere in between. I was responding to the idea that a child being non-verbal means they have no way of objecting to something. DD has SN, and the non-verbal children in her class aren't shy about communicating when they don't want something.

Ask why before you go mad. I bet it was glue related ...

It's because her hair has been in her face / eyes and getting in the way while she works.

newmum
Jojo bow

My curly dd has discovered that she likes the front of her hair in a plait over to the side. She still has the feeling of free hair but it is out of her eyes.

op

When I was 5 there was a little boy next door the same age. His parents only washed his hair once a week and it took two of them, one to hold him and one to wash.

Our mothers were having coffee one day, we were playing upstairs. Both mothers heard the toilet flush, then flush again.

We had decided to wash his hair, but we couldn't reach the taps so we used the toilet and both thought it was great fun.

The staff were probably putting up hair and she indicated she wanted it too.

Do they do Forest School/have trees they can climb etc when outside? I work in a Pre-School so the children are 3-4 but it is in our policy for children who have hair long enough to tie back they come to school with it tied back. On usual days we aren't too strict on this rule but on Forest School days children who come in with their hair down have it tied back by a member of staff to make it less likely to get tangled in a tree as they climb. Maybe they tied it up for a health and safety point of view? Can your child see out properly with her hair down? Also maybe she did show an interest in it at nursery as children can behave very differently when in the care of someone else and has other children around to influence them.

If it seriously bothers you that much either put your daughter's hair up yourself or just ask them why they put it up-I doubt the staff really had time to use your child like a 'doll'

Maybe toys have been getting stuck in it, if it's as wild and craaaAAaazy as you make out op. Stickle bricks spring to mind.