Ponytail

[caffeineandcalpol]

So here it goes.
DD is 19 months old and attends a Montessori nursery. I wanted her to go here as I liked their teachings and I let as though the children could be themselves, free sprites that kind of thing.
DP picked her up with a tacky high pony tail in. Now, DD has the craziest hair around , it's wild , curly, had a life of its own, a bit like DD . It's just her. She will never ever let me put a slide in or do anything with it, complete little wild child.
I don't see why they tied it up?? It's not in her way, it's short and I feel as though she has been treated like a doll for the entertainment of the staff.AIBU if I complain?

Wildrose - it sounds like it's mentioned to make a point that it's above putting kids hair in 'tacky high pony tails'. It all sounds a bit snobby. If I were going to speak about my DCs nursery I wouldn't mention which chain of nurserys it was, but Montessori needs a mention does it?

If my child had short, tight curled hair i would hate it pulled into a tight pineapple style topknot thing! Not sure i would think they were treating her like a doll but would ask them not to do it.

For me it is especially surprising for a montessori nursery where they are usually into letting kids be more individual.

Tacky high ponytail? Pineapple? Is that what we used to call a whale spout?

It will absolutely be for nit transmission reasons. I've never known a nursery take interest in hairdos for any other reason.

You're being gloriously PFB, TBH, as we probably all were once upon a time

Happydays, yeah that's kinda where I'm coming from

This is a completely bonkers line of speculation to be embarking on.

Just ASK

Awful.

I would shave it off so they couldn't do it again. That would teach them.

"To add , it was like a very tight pulled back tight, brushed and combed within an inch of its life and tied very tightly"

Quite apart from anything else, this is no way to treat naturally curly hair, it's really delicate and this is likely to have damaged it. I am wincing at the thought.

I'd ask why they did it, OP, but in a low-key way, and maybe mention that brushing isn't great for natural curls.

YABU to think a child having their hair tied back will have any effect on their ability to be a 'wild spirit'. You may associate the two things, OP, but hopefully your child has not yet learnt that society expects her to have to look a certain way in order to be able to behave in a certain way.

Is it more the fact they’ve made your child look ‘tacky’ in your words than the fact they’ve touched your daughters hair?
How can a ponytail be tacky??

Because there's no need for it to be tied up, like one of those when you realise there's enough to get into a tight bobble

It's a bit of a silly thing to get worked up about isn't it? My DDs both went/go to nursery and have regularly come home with their hair 'done'. They absolutely love being made a fuss of and I'm happy that the staff care enough about them to take the time to play with them (yes it is playing) and make a fuss of them. they also come home with French plaits which I can't do

It's not like she came home with a full face of make up and a perm!

There are sometimes good reasons for putting hair up, but I doubt a boy with similar hair would have had it pulled into a tight bun even if there were nits going around,

I teach grade 2 and lots of my boys have that horrible long on top, shaved sides hairstyle. I keep hair ties in a tub and if they come in with it flopping all over their face, they have to tie it up. Same goes for girls with hair in their face. I want to teach students, not their hair, and it drives me crazy watching them keep flipping it out of their eyes.

You seem pretty set on the fact you are right OP, so just complain.

Storm in and kick off, in fact

Yes, I agree. Do a storming in.

And take the Daily Fail with you for the "sad face".

Regardless of my feelings on ponytails... you sound a right piece of work. She's a "free spirit", a "wild child" - look, all kids are like this. Yours isn't different or special or displaying unusually 'wild' personality traits.

'Wild' and 'spirited' are often keywords for "I let my kid act like a little git" as well. If your kid is nice, it's a nice kid. If your kid is being naughty, it's not 'spirited', it means you need discipline and boundaries.

Second, the kid needs to look down at work, toys, puzzles and whatnot without her hair dangling in her eyes.

Buy some clips.

Is @MrsOverTheRoad correct that your daughter is black or mixed race? If so I can understand you being annoyed at them doing a top knot on your dd as they may not know how to deal with afro type hair and could have damaged it. White people are often fascinated with afro hair, and even adults get strangers asking to touch it etc. (I have witnessed this more times than I can count) So I wouldn't consider it out of the realms of possibility that nursery staff wanted to play with it and style it, and a non verbal child with developmental delay isn't going to be able to object. Also they may have the idea that afro hair is wild and unruly, plus many little girls do have the 'pineapple' hairstyle as it keeps it out of the way and is perceived to look neater than natural afro curls. I would avoid going in all guns blazing though as you will be labelled as 'that parent' forevermore. But explain that you don't want them to do it like that again as it may damage her hair.

Ah come on folks. This is most likely the OP's PFB. She is just being a mum. Nowhere did she say her child is misbehaved or naughty. I can tell very quickly in the playground who is there with their first born, from the mum's behaviour rather than the childs. We were all precious about our first child at some stage (and if not probably should have been).

I tie my hair into a ponytail for work as we have to tie long hair up. I had no idea I've been looking tacky all this time

Not PFB

I think you may be making a mountain out of a quite small molehill. My DD has tight curly messy hair that goes everywhere and sticks up etc . She won't let me touch it, I can sometimes get close enough to comb/brush it. BUT she'll let her favourite nursery worker put it in an array of different styles, french plaits, ponytails, pigtails etc. I think it's nice surely, means that they are spending time with the children, giving individual attention. Really not sure how this could in anyway be annoying or crossing of any lines. If you're not happy, just ask them not to but do so nicely and don't sound mad when you do it.