Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH didn't come home

243 replies

deezer19 · 30/09/2017 10:33

I know...there are probably threads about this every weekend. DH is very good, doesn't go out often and we love him to bits. He is hands-on, and involved, as a father should be. We have a 4 year old. Last night he went for drinks with work. Just after 11 texted to say he'd missed all trains and was staying at someone's house. He also promised to do all the weekend childcare to make up. Also fair enough. Except he said he'd be back in the morning and isn't here yet. I've not heard from him. Sent a WhatsApp to ask for an ETA and I know he's seen it, but he hasn't responded. So I'm starting to feel a bit put out especially as DS keeps asking where he is and when he will be home. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
InspMorse · 30/09/2017 10:39

He's ignoring you then? Seen your WhatsApp message & not replied?
Where's he been sleeping?

InspMorse · 30/09/2017 10:40

Do you know the people he's with?

CMH123 · 30/09/2017 10:41

Not at all. The only upside so to speak is that he let you know (other than some of the selfish pricks that think it's OK to let their partner worry all night ).

dancemom · 30/09/2017 10:41

Phone him?

Original poster
deezer19 · 30/09/2017 10:41

Yes, feels like he's ignoring me as there are 2 blue ticks on the message. I don't know who he's with - work friends - I've never met them...

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 30/09/2017 10:42

Hmmmm, I think that he is probably dying on someone's sofa and will roll in a bit later.

Given that it's a one off, he is usually a good partner / Dad and he did actually let you know he'd be out overnight then I wouldn't fret too much.

Take your DC out, leave DH to do 100% childcare tomorrow and have a day to yourself.

Only1scoop · 30/09/2017 10:42

Phone him and ask?

Crunchymum · 30/09/2017 10:42

I'd def call him though.

LostSight · 30/09/2017 10:45

Maybe, (I'll keep my fingers crossed for you) he didn't respond because he's almost home with a huge bunch of flowers, a dinner he's going to cook later and a massive apologetic smile on his face.

Alternatively, he's an asshole. Hope he gets in touch soon OP.

PerpendicularVincent · 30/09/2017 10:46

I echo the other posters, call him and find out where he is and when he'll be home.

MozzchopsThirty · 30/09/2017 10:46

IME you only ever stay out and sleepover because you’ve met someone as are guaranteed to get laid

I wouldn’t tolerate this from a partner

I’ve done it myself and had it done to me and both involved sex

Sorry OP I hope it’s innocent

InspMorse · 30/09/2017 10:46

Phone him OP!
If he's hungover, his promise to look after DC might not be the best idea!
There's always Sunday though!
Get planning your day out!

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/09/2017 10:47

Bet he comes back at 11:59am.

He did message, and it's still relatively early really. I'd be pissed off, but it depends if this is a one off and out of character, or if he's got form for this shit

Ring him and ask when he'll be home. If he ignores that, then that's different.

My ex used to go properly AWOL though, wouldn't hear from him at all and then wouldn't get a message or a call until well into the afternoon of the following day.

jollyjester · 30/09/2017 10:47

Give him a call.

Although it's annoying that you know he has read the message but can't be arsed to reply.

Botanicbaby · 30/09/2017 10:47

'He promised to do all the weekend childcare to make up' what for not coming home one evening he's going to be looking after his own kid at the weekend? Isn't that what parents do anyway?

I'd phone him once. Once only. If he doesn't answer and cba to phone you or reply to your whatsapp, I'd try to get on with my day without worrying about when he decides to turn up.

But I'd be having serious words about it. Do you ever get to stay out all night leaving him at home?

SparklingBollox · 30/09/2017 10:48

DP has done this, he was as a op said hanging on someone's sofa. He stayed there till he felt fit to travel. He came home looking a bit guilty but I wasn't pissed off becuse it could have just as well been me, and dp is always lovely when I am hungover.
You know he is safe so need to worry.
How old are your dc ?

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/09/2017 10:49

Yes, ring once only. Do not keep calling, better to go silent and just get on with your day.

Parker231 · 30/09/2017 10:49

Phone him and ask where he is and what time he’ll be home and then get on with your day. No reason to stay at home waiting for him.

FenceSitter01 · 30/09/2017 10:54

He's probably out of battery by now.

PhelanGood · 30/09/2017 10:54

I've done this myself - usually when staying at my sister's as I cba travelling home. People who went back to hers usually resumed drinking /smoking something/eating epic breakfasts of heated up freezer food in the morning and mobile phones got lost and waylaid in a sleepy drunken haze.

Not the most responsible behaviour from a parent, but we all need to let our hair down once in a while. Having said that I've never done this while leaving my kids with my partner, so I had nobody to answer to or who was worrying about me... If I did I'd hope I'd have been better about keeping in touch. Impressed how cool and calm you're staying... Hope you get a lovely weekend to yourself as he promised! And he shows up soon.

Whocansay · 30/09/2017 10:55

This could be entirely innocent. Or not. Being cynical, I'd double check when the last train was. Just after 11pm seems early for the trains to have stopped, unless there was an incident. Could he not have got a taxi or a bus?

But yes, I would get on with my day in the meantime. But there would be hell to pay when he got home. I would be very angry about being ignored.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 10:55

I would assume not coming home meant having spent the night with another woman. And I would assume that even more so if it's a one off. Because people who routinely go out and get smashed are already thoughtless and them behaving thoughtlessly is more expected. Whereas someone who doesn't go out all that often would be more aware of e.g. Trains home etc to ensure they got back on time.

And reading but not replying to the message would be a red flag for me as well.

Assume everyone else made it home ok then? Funny that.

Did he give you the name of the person he was staying with even if you don't know them? I assume you know the names of people he works with?

BewareOfDragons · 30/09/2017 10:55

It's still morning ... and you said he's normally lovely and responsible. Give him another hour... and the children are his tomorrow.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 30/09/2017 10:57

* Being cynical, I'd double check when the last train was. Just after 11pm seems early for the trains to have stopped, unless there was an incident. Could he not have got a taxi or a bus?*

It really depends on where you live. Around here, buses and trains both stop before 11pm and you can’t get a taxi unless you pre-book.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 30/09/2017 10:57

Being cynical, I'd double check when the last train was. Just after 11pm seems early for the trains to have stopped, unless there was an incident. Could he not have got a taxi or a bus?

It really depends on where you live. Around here, buses and trains both stop before 11pm and you can’t get a taxi unless you pre-book.