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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH didn't come home

243 replies

deezer19 · 30/09/2017 10:33

I know...there are probably threads about this every weekend. DH is very good, doesn't go out often and we love him to bits. He is hands-on, and involved, as a father should be. We have a 4 year old. Last night he went for drinks with work. Just after 11 texted to say he'd missed all trains and was staying at someone's house. He also promised to do all the weekend childcare to make up. Also fair enough. Except he said he'd be back in the morning and isn't here yet. I've not heard from him. Sent a WhatsApp to ask for an ETA and I know he's seen it, but he hasn't responded. So I'm starting to feel a bit put out especially as DS keeps asking where he is and when he will be home. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 30/09/2017 10:59

11 is still early enough for a taxi/ bus etc.

If he had text at 3am fair enough

11 sounds pre empted

Butterymuffin · 30/09/2017 10:59

So not only is his phone dead (plausible) but he can't remember his home phone number or his wife's number, and no one else in the house has a phone he could borrow to make a quick call? Right. Hmm

FenceSitter01 · 30/09/2017 11:02

Being cynical, I'd double check when the last train was. Just after 11pm seems early for the trains to have stopped, unless there was an incident. Could he not have got a taxi or a bus?

Depends how wankered he was, he may not have been safe to allow to travel alone. Frankly the blue ticks indicating 'read' mean nothing - any drunken half wit can open their phone. Whether they can focus and actually decipher and comprehend the swimming mass of blur before their eyes is another matter entirely.

Impressed its only half a page before the doom mongers arrive to project their own poor sexual standards on everyone elses relationship.

JemimaLovesHamble · 30/09/2017 11:03

I'd check the train times too. I'd assume it was somewhere fairly rural though for trains to stop at 11pm? I live in a market town but can get trains any time of the day or night.

The suspicious bit to me is that he didn't respond to your whatsapp.
When people are up to no good yet have a basic human conscience they like to compartmentalize. Messages from the spouse must be ignored because they don't exist in this setting. Call him - see if he sounds too sleepy to formulate a text response or if he sounds panicky/defensive. But I am quite a suspicious person by nature, it is probably all innocent!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 30/09/2017 11:03

Ah let him be, bet he's got a stinking head, bank that one your turn next

Original poster
deezer19 · 30/09/2017 11:03

Thanks for the replies. I called and he said he would be home in an hour or so and gave the name of someone whose house he is at. I have met this person so assume he is being truthful, but what I find a bit odd is when he texted last night he said some 'kind folks' had taken him in rather than this actual person (who is the only work colleague of his that I have met). I am taking my 4 year old out now and not leaving a note!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
deezer19 · 30/09/2017 11:05

I'm sure he was telling the truth about trains. Pretty rural where we live, and it wasn't a direct train to where he was going anyway...

OP posts:
RebeccaWrongDaily · 30/09/2017 11:06

was he shagging or snorting? I suspect it'd be either or (and if not actually doing it, wanting to with someone)

JemimaLovesHamble · 30/09/2017 11:12

Does the colleague have a partner? If it's a single man and he was going on about "kind folks"... Ah I don't know. I'm never the best person to comment on threads like these, I've been reading Mumsnet too long Grin It may have just been drunken babble from someone too pissed to get into particulars, may have been something shadier. Shrug.

SparklingBollox · 30/09/2017 11:12

Go out with your dc and have fun.

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/09/2017 11:17

Hmm, his initial wording was very sketchy - made over-the-top gesture of doing all childcare etc - then ignored/read your subsequent texts - has now provided a name?

Sophsta · 30/09/2017 11:24

Personally I would say he's been an idiot but missing the train and sleeping on someone's sofa is sometimes just that! My DH did this once in the past and I know he has never ever cheated. He just got a bit too drunk and fell asleep on his mates sofa.

Give him hell for being irresponsible but unless you genuinely think he might have cheated I would say there are other issues. And think seriously, because he would be seriously pissed if my DH felt the need to check up on me.

LoniceraJaponica · 30/09/2017 11:28

I love the assumption that 11 pm is too early for the last train Hmm.

Where I live my last train leaves at 10.35.

Justoneme · 30/09/2017 11:31

Maybe just maybe .., he has a hangover from hell ... just maybe he is feeling guilty about not coming home last night ...

I guess just wait and see what, why and how he missed the train ...

Try and not to get worked up before you know all the details.

pigeondujour · 30/09/2017 11:36

"Kind folks" sounds like just the type of nonsense people talk when they're blootered, to be fair.

DiggyDiggyHole · 30/09/2017 11:40

'Kind folks taken me in'? I'd assume he got so pissed that he was incapable of making it home, so someone took care of him.
At least he's alive and probably safe. But he's an arse for getting that incapable.

CaramelEmporium · 30/09/2017 11:41

People are so quick to assume the worst!! Probably absolutely nothing to it OP. He's gone out, had a bit too much to drink, missed the train, stopped over at a colleagues. So what! Okay so it's a bit irresponsible and if he were doing every weekend that would be a different matter.

Original poster
deezer19 · 30/09/2017 11:43

Thanks for the last few replies...I've no reason to suspect he'd be unfaithful, but some of the replies have seen seeds of doubt into by mind! The person he said he was staying with does have a wife. I guess I'm just a bit annoyed as, although I do go out, I've never not come home unplanned. Ah well!

OP posts:
mumofone234 · 30/09/2017 11:43

I don't think it's fair to assume he's with another woman - it's probably exactly as he said it was. He might just be feeling quite hungover - read it, rolled over, dropped back off to sleep. I wouldn't worry unnecessarily.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/09/2017 11:44

Irresponsible behaviour.

I would be incredibly angry

Mrskeats · 30/09/2017 11:47

I can't believe people actually do this.
I wouldn't dream of this it's just so disrespectful.

JemimaLovesHamble · 30/09/2017 11:48

OK, well if he has a wife they are the "kind folks". If he's his normal self when he's home I would let it go this time.

RaisinSmuggler · 30/09/2017 11:48

OP- there is nothing to suggest he has cheated! Some people on here are bitter due their own experiences! Do not let their bitterness infiltrate your thoughts. It seems apart from this one minor mishap you have a good dad and partner. Don't let the seeds grow!

CaramelEmporium · 30/09/2017 11:49

That said YANBU to be annoyed. My DH will occasionally pull the "going out for one" & stumble home hours later. It pisses me off no end (we have a 3 yr old) For the most part he is fantastic, just every once in awhile he blows off steam and gets a bit carried away. We all have our faults and that's his.

Seeyamonday · 30/09/2017 11:49

Far too quick on here to saying someone's cheating!! Fgs he went out, had too much to drink, the OP has already said he doesn't go out much and is a good dad, he let her know he wasn't coming home so give the guy a break and stop planting nasty thoughts in her head