Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

[marthaedensnumberplease]

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

Sounds like she is a recreational heroin user, not an addict.

I have read that smoking it can be managed but it often leads to injecting. If you can be satisfied with smoking it then perhaps you can function.

But it's illegal and it's a Class A drug so you run a risk each time you're buying it or carrying it and if caught you could lose your job etc etc. Lots of people don't care about that part but I do. In my job I couldn't really associate with her now the disclosure has been made.

It's just been so long-term. But yeah, she says she is recreational.

If she is being honest about how often then she can't be addicted but there are other risks ( e.g. Risk of arrest, using more frequently during difficult times which could lead to addiction)

I wouldn't label her an addict - once every 2-3 weeks - that's her business...

The fact she even told you shows she has some boundary issues. I think her life is probably not as perfect as you think it is.

On a side note - round to her house twice a week for dinner for five years, really?!

I also knew some guy who ran a bussiness and also smoked heroin .He functioned better than most people i know.

What i found most scary was that he would use daily but people didnt know.

Honestly don't think I'd be able to continue being friends with her

She's also feeding the drugs trade which is pretty awful from a moral point of view. Never mind risking arrest and what that would do to her kids.

Funny...because the one time she says she feels awful is in the procurement of it. But the rest of the time she is just the most amazing friend and seems to be the most amazing mum.

I think she’s told you what she believes would be ‘socially acceptable’ to some people. I also think she’s deluding herself, and - rightly or wrongly - I think she’s likely got a larger problem than she’s letting on.

I wouldn't believe for a minute that she only smokes it when she says she does. Every addict tries to play these things down. It's heroin. She will be addicted. Thousands of people are.

Sure the friend isn't you?

Injecting is a lot more dangerous than smoking. I think it's more expensive too. There are high functioning addicts where you wouldn't guess there was an issue if you didn't know. But I suspect that if someone is using heroin, there may be other issues / complications in their life too. It rarely comes on its own

What a cunt

I just feel like such a shit because 1) it has made me question my view on her, and 2) t has made me question my view on drug-taking

I met a woman last year who said she smoked heroin but stopped 8 years ago.

I thought 'ok, fair play'. Then it turned out this was nonsense & she turned up off her head one night, accidentally broke my china & tried to force me to try it

save pretty sure; an interesting existential question though !

I read a really good article a few years ago about functional addicts and it really opened my eyes to drug use across the generations. One of the people featured (anonymously) was a barrister who smoked herion at the weekend and had done for years. I remember he said his wife also smoked with him and the only time they ever argued was if his wife had smoked without him or smoked the last of it on her own.

I don't really have an opinion on your friend's confession OP. Will it make you re-evaluate your friendship knowing this?

*heroin. (I'm on the phone with a child asleep on my arm!)

You wouldn't believe some of the professionals I knew that liked the occasional 'flute'.
Maybe she doesn't have a problem but it can escalate quite quickly.
Its the bad 'bags' I'd be worried about.

I think there are more people like your friend than many people would expect.
The addicts tend to be our menta image of a drug taker because their drug use is visible. It causes problems in their lives and therefore they come into contcat with services and show up in statistics.
There are recreational users of all drugs. Some experts believe that a tendancy toward addiction has more to do with the individuals mental health and their experiance (or otherwise) of traumatic life events, than it does the "hardness" of the substance.

"The fact she even told you shows she has some boundary issues."

Really ElizabethDarcy? I would expect to be brought into someones confidence a fair degree 5 years into a friendship.