Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

[marthaedensnumberplease]

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

It's heroin. She will be addicted. Thousands of people are.

No not necessarily. thousands of people are regular or occasional users and are not addicted. You just don't hear much about them because of the stigma of heroin,the big bad drug to end all drugs. If she is telling the truth then she is one of them. I hope she doesn't do it while there are kids in the house but apart from that I don't think I'd judge. I would worry that a stressful period could escalate the use and lead to full blown physical addiction though.

I remember our history teacher at school going on and on about heroin being the drug of choice for respectable middle class people in the early 20th century before it was illegal. Teachers, doctors, lawyers etc. were on it, apparently, and going about their business as usual. Made us wonder if he was on it!

I don't think you are being shit in the judgements you had until today. There are very good reasons for it not being a great idea to combine heroin and parenthood - even if she's managing it successfully (for now).

For a start, the way heroin works is to completely bliss you out. Nothing is important. Which is, from an existential point of view, an interesting state. it can even be a helpful state in some situations. However, you can see why it might not be ideal from a parenting point of view.

I actually feel - all things considered - that I'd like to believe what she says.

Maybe he was right:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4647018.stm

And I agree with Maryz too.

thousands of people are regular or occasional users and are not addicted. You just don't hear much about them because of the stigma of heroin,the big bad drug to end all drugs.. I certainly do hear about them, I now work with addicts, both hardcore addicts who would steal from their granny, and the 'recreational addict user' - it is highly unlikely that the level of use this person has is actually as she says it is.

I really can't think of heroin as a "recreational" drug.

The occasional spliff, yes, that could be seen as recreational as it's not Class A, not as addictive, not as dangerous etc but heroin?! A different matter entirely.

When I worked with young people in care (many years ago) the local drug dealers used to lace cigarettes with heroin as an introduction to the drug for young people. Highly addictive very quickly.

I'm sure her kids will be comforted when she dies one day from a dodgy batch that she was only using it occasionally . It would end the friendship for me.

I have experience with pretty much all drugs except heroin. My perception of it though was that it completely knocked you out of it, unlike something like coke for example where you're still "with it". I guess what im wondering is with a habit that regular and the stuff she has to do as a parent, how could it not be noticeable?

If that is how she uses, I would be surprised but its not impossible. Like smoking cigarettes, some can do it regularly without getting addicted but it gets most people in the end. If it makes her feel better, it is very hard to keep it to once a fortnight once you have started. She has done well to stay at the top of the slippery slope for years.

Having said that I have no experience of being around heroin use so I'm just going on what I was taught a school. I previously thought the same about cannabis, cocaine and ecstasy before being around them. Addiction to heroin probably isn't inevitable.

That's rare... I've met a lot of long term recreational drug users and I have never met one who uses/ used heroin without becoming addicted and having a lot of associated problems. Or more accurately I suppose, I have never met one like that who told me about it!
I couldn't use heroin, I would definitely be one of the addicted ones. If she can, fine. It's certainly no more of an issue than well managed alcohol use (legalities aside obviously).

It's not my circus, not my monkeys. In that famous phrase. Nothing changes in my life to continue this friendship. I feel bad going on here and splaying her life out in many ways. Sometimes keeping your own mouth shut and your own "shock" quiet wouldn't be the worst thing?!

I mean if this was coke or weed or hell even a few evenings a month of MD then sure, but heroin? Wouldn't that have a much heavier and invasive effect on her day to day life?

Call social services.

I have a couple of friends who were functioning herion addicts. Both very respectable, wealthy, well educated and earning 6 figure sums.

I think people have a rather Trainspotting view of heroin addicts which isn't wholly accurate.

I very much doubt she only uses it sporadically if shes been on it that long.

That's like the bloke who reeked of weed on the bus home telling someone he only had one a month.

I agree with Magrileve too.

I've heard all of this 'recreational use' from a dear friend. Who overdosed several times and progressed to injecting.

Obviously, it doesn't happen to everyone. But it happens to most.

And where does she keep her bags? And that's quite a wodge of heroin to be doing once every month if she's doing it all in one, prolonged, session.

Actually, the more I think about it, it doesn't quite stack up. If she goes through a bag a month, there's something not quite right about the idea of 'one Saturday night a month, I get high on heroin.'

There was a documentary about people like your friend on BBC (I think) a few years ago. It was certainly...eye opening. I'd never considered heroin to be something you could take recreationally or be a functioning addict whilst taking. Apparently the difference is in whether you smoke or inject it. You can't overdose from the former because your lungs self regulate what you actually take in. Can't say it made an appealing idea nevertheless.

Difficult. What if it was a legal drug. Like cigarettes or wine? What if she smoked 20 a day or drank a bottle of wine a night?

She is trying to find justification from you, her friend. I think I would be very wary of her from now on OP.

Yeah I've heard of people doing this.

If the dad's around and sober, the chn aren't at risk. I just wonder how she can keep it truly out of the way of the 10 and 17 year old for whom keeping it up high isn't enough - unless she buys and uses on the same day.

And I am sure the police have bigger fish to fry than bothering to go after or arrest her.

Sorry, if the chn are safe, I don't think it's the end of the world.

But it's Heroin. Not a Marlboro light or a glass of Pinot