Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

359 replies

marthaedensnumberplease · 29/09/2017 19:11

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 29/09/2017 23:01

Sorry, I would also call Social Services on this. Your friend may me functioning on the surface but chances are she's not telling you the full story. And it doesn't bear thinking about her DCs finding her in the morning having had a bad batch.

The criminal element would be my other concern.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/09/2017 23:07

Honestly don't think I'd be able to continue being friends with her

Well she is contributing to funding something very nasty and illegal and as someone else said in their job they couldn't really associate with her now the disclosure has been made. I'm the same- I certainly could not risk being in her house and I would not be happy with her being in mine.

Vinorosso74 · 29/09/2017 23:09

There are so many possible scenarios here. She could be functioning but it's so risky who knows the exact strength or what it's but with. If she smoked a spliff every couple of weeks I'd be less concerned.
I think she needs some help but part of me thinks would I say that for someone drinking a glass or two each night who may not be an addict but is dependent, where do we differentiate? Apart from legal and class A.
No help sorry but this is a very grey area.

CanadianJohn · 29/09/2017 23:10

I'm totally against drugs, but I think a lot of people in art/modelling/fashion/theatre are very accepting of drug usage.

Wasn't there a term "heroin chic" at one time?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/09/2017 23:15

If you have the money to buy heroin, the criminal side of drug use isn't an issue

It is a huge issue regardless of whether or not the buyer has a legitimate source of funds.

Tameagobairanois · 29/09/2017 23:19

Too dangerous a recreation imo.
As a pp said, id be scared for her that usage would gradually increase.

Migraleve · 29/09/2017 23:22

SS won't do anything about a report of drug misuse unless the children are visibly neglected or in serious danger

I think they would if her drug of choice is heroin. Not the odd joint (which I completely agree with), but heroin is a different kettle of fish altogether.

Actually no they wouldn’t. Thousands of children live with addicts across the UK. If it’s not something you have ever been exposed to you would be shocked to see just how many children live with addict parents. SS don’t just take kids away because their parents are users.

clumsyduck · 29/09/2017 23:27

Took plenty of recreational drugs as a 20 something when I had no responsibilities .
But heroin ? Not something I'd ever consider a recreational drug , the "don't take heroin" campaigns certainly stuck with me!

opiates are Massivley addictive , I can't see how it wouldn't become something easy to reach for more often at times of stress for example , I wouldn't believe the frequency in which she says she does it , and as pp have said it leaves you totally out of it it's not like been a bit tipsy Confused

BakedBeans47 · 29/09/2017 23:37

Maybe this would be U on my part but I would have to distance myself from her. Heroin ffs. Just no.

BakedBeans47 · 29/09/2017 23:42

*Mittens1969

Sorry, I would also call Social Services on this*

Me too. Ffs you don’t just buy it in Sainsbury’s do you god knows who she’s mixing with

Amanduh · 29/09/2017 23:44

I cant believe anybody would say 'ahh well her choice who cares' a mother of small children smoking heroin wtf

FantasticButtocks · 29/09/2017 23:48

How odd that she's only been doing it since she had children. Why would someone who doesn't use heroin start doing so once they became a parent? Confused

I'd be worried about so many many many things what will happen when something goes wrong in her life...

Do you actually believe her, OP? You don't think she's winding you up for some reason... It's the starting it as part of motherhood which would have me wondering.,..

MaisieDotes · 29/09/2017 23:48

who told me she really wanted to try heroin but her dealer wouldn't let her

Well. Now. Her dealer either didn't have any, or it wasn't going net him as much long term as, presumably, selling coke to her. Because dealers don't tend to be the Florence Nightingale type.

Tameagobairanois · 29/09/2017 23:51

Peaches Geldof thought she was a recreational user no doubt. All the flowery tea dresses and so on.

I consider this a pointlessly dangerous 'recreation'. Skirting so close to addiction. Lunacy. Sorry..

MiniNewYorker18 · 29/09/2017 23:53

Is she doing around the kids? She's an addict if she's been doing since she has been doing it since she's parent, she has a 17 year old! I would be worried about the children!

MaisieDotes · 29/09/2017 23:54

Tame she had been clean for a long time I believe and then relapsed.

KeyChange · 29/09/2017 23:55

Bloody hell that's some revelation.

I'd be appalled. She's a mum to a four year old ffs.

I do have a very "trainspotting" view of herion and thought it just dragged you in to addiction.

I'm definitely more anti drugs now I'm older and have seen a couple of friends' lives ruined by so-called soft drugs - severe mental health issues. I'd ask her to seek help.

LonGone · 30/09/2017 00:45

I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner

  1. What's that about?

  2. Have you asked yourself why she told you now?

  3. Something odd here.

dustarr73 · 30/09/2017 01:09

Peaches Geldof,Amy Winehouse[i know it was alcohol on her behalf].They get clean,havent done drugs in so long.And they start at the last dosage.Which of course their body isnt used to.And so they overdose and die.

StiginaGrump · 30/09/2017 01:16

I know a few people with similar patterns / not great but actually from that circle it's the drinkers who are all dead or fucked up. Many addictions can be managed and not all drug taking is addiction. Morally and ethically dubious but nothing to do with SS when all is well otherwise. You think they don't have enough to do dealing with the parents that don't seem at all ok from a distance even when the OP says her friend has been apparently fab ever since she has known her.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 30/09/2017 01:16

Lots of women in labour take heroin (they just don't know it). Apparently, diamorphine is basically high grade heroin (not that it made the slightest difference to my contractions- thank goodness for epidurals)
There was an interesting study on why patients who receive it as part of pain management, even over prolonged periods, after operations etc don't become addicted to it or crave it after they leave the hospital/stop taking it.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 30/09/2017 01:20

I had diamorphine for my labours. Fabulous stuff. Very moreish.

StiginaGrump · 30/09/2017 01:20

Oh and if you smoke it whilst any opiate depresses the cns so can be hazzardous you are very unlikely to od by smoking

Maryz · 30/09/2017 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/09/2017 01:27

I think she’s told you what she believes would be ‘socially acceptable’ to some people. I also think she’s deluding herself, and - rightly or wrongly - I think she’s likely got a larger problem than she’s letting on

I agree.