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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

359 replies

marthaedensnumberplease · 29/09/2017 19:11

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

OP posts:
Littlebatcalledlucille · 29/09/2017 19:51

And the odd 'lick' I bet, she smokes more of it than she's letting on.
How is she smoking it?

mindutopia · 29/09/2017 19:52

There absolutely are people who can use recreationally and be safe and it doesn't tip into addiction. Would it be my personal choice? No. But then I use alcohol recreationally and I'm not an addict, so one person's apples are anothers oranges, I suppose. But yes, it does happen. I used to work with drug users and you would be surprised who uses drugs. It's not just homeless guys sleeping on the street.

thecatfromjapan · 29/09/2017 19:52

You can overdose from smoking it.

Getout21 · 29/09/2017 19:53

I'd never considered heroin to be something you could take recreationally or be a functioning addict whilst taking

I never realised this either. I assumed one "try" on heroin made you into an addict. obviously all that anti drug campaigns worked!

splendidisolation · 29/09/2017 19:53

Hmmm, this is inspiring me to give it a go!

Pawpainting · 29/09/2017 19:55

Apparently the difference is in whether you smoke or inject it. You can't overdose from the former because your lungs self regulate what you actually take in.

I thought Paula Yates died after smoking it?

Littlebatcalledlucille · 29/09/2017 19:59

Surely the kids/neighbors smell it?

Its not like having a sneeky joint in the garden is it? It smells vile

loobyloo1234 · 29/09/2017 19:59

I have heard of this before. Someone once told me we would be very surprised at how many functioning heroin users there are out there

Ultimately though, if she is a good mother and a good friend, I don't know what the issue really is. Other than being worried that it may lead to affecting her health and well-being one day

alltouchedout · 29/09/2017 20:01

You can overdose through smoking heroin. Apparently it's fairly uncommon, but it is possible.

Migraleve · 29/09/2017 20:02

I'd never considered heroin to be something you could take recreationally or be a functioning addict whilst taking. Apparently the difference is in whether you smoke or inject it. You can't overdose from the former because your lungs self regulate what you actually take in

This makes no sense. Aside from the fact that you CAN overdose by smoking heroin, it's not whether you can overdose on it or not that determines whether you are a recreational user or a hard addict!

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/09/2017 20:04

Mmm yes Mig, I could have worded it better. I meant smokers of it are less likely to be hard users than those who inject.

Can you overdose from smoking it though?

IrritatedUser1960 · 29/09/2017 20:05

You would have to have extreme self control to do this, it would only take one disaster to overstop the mark and start turning tricks for heroin money.
Playing with fire, madness.

MaisieDotes · 29/09/2017 20:06

Whatever she says she is doing- in terms of frequency and quantity, you can at least triple.

At least.

thecatfromjapan · 29/09/2017 20:08

If you have the money to buy heroin, the criminal side of drug use isn't an issue. The whole, one sniff and you're turning tricks isn't that likely.

It's the other problems that are the issue, especially where there are children: heroin is very inebriating; it functions to remove concern(s); it's a potentially toxic substance, so where is it kept?

flashheartscanoe · 29/09/2017 20:09

We actually learned about this during my psychology degree years ago. I think they were trying to give a balanced view of drug use and addiction but we were definitely taught that there was a large group of functioning addicts out there.

mrsRosaPimento · 29/09/2017 20:10

I'd make a phone call to social services. It's an illegal drug. Not right to use when you have dcs. It's cool until she takes an accidental overdose and one of her dcs find her dead. I know someone this happened to. She was a toddler and was emotionally damaged.

counterpoint · 29/09/2017 20:10

Have I stumbled on some heroin-pushing thread? Good advertising for the stuff!

Irresponsible at the very least.

Migraleve · 29/09/2017 20:11

If you have the money to buy heroin, the criminal side of drug use isn't an issue. Erm are you actually serious!!!! Go back up the chain and think about the criminality involved and lives ruined to get that little bag of heroin to the small time dealer. Jesus wept. The criminal side is fucking humongous.

Mayhemmumma · 29/09/2017 20:12

She hasn't told you for 5 years because it is unacceptable and while her youngest was a baby you might have thought badly of her.
I personally don't think it's ok now.

Heroine is a class A drug, being caught in possession of it could end her 'very good job' and result in a social services referral.

Where does she source it, who does she smoke with, what does her partner think about this and who looks after the children?

Sadly it would only take one overdose to kill her, one incident where her children witness this, one incident something goes badly wrong.

Having worked with heroine users myself I would be worried for your friend, a functioning drug user doesn't mean she isn't dependent on the drug. It's a strange drug of choice (given her 'happy' set up) because it will numb her emotions, I would assume she has experienced trauma and this is may well be her way of self medicating. There is also the risk that she also uses crack cocaine - very common to use after smoking heroine to come 'up' again.

I imagine she's confided in you to test your response, it's unlikely she's told you everything.

Raver84 · 29/09/2017 20:13

Do what you want with your friendship but for me it's a deal breaker, I wouldn't want to be around a drug user esp heroin ffs. Loads of my friends pm (pre kids) were coke users, fine. ... but once you have kids ... grow the fuck up and knock it on the head! My friends who still get wasted on coke are not my friends wr just don't have anything in common and I wouldn't want my kids seeing my friend either high or on the mother of all come downs. H is a dirty horrible drug! I reckon she told u the bare min to ' test the water' to gauge your reaction. I thibk it's prob a bit more than what she says and when the shit hits the fan in her perfect life h will be the crutch she uses more and more.

StorminaBcup · 29/09/2017 20:14

How would you feel if she said she was taking a opioid prescription medication that you knew she longer really needed? Would the legality of it make a difference to you, are you concerned for her health or is this a morality issue?

Mrsfloss · 29/09/2017 20:17

I thought they were always searching for that first high that they never get.

I really don't think people smoke heroin socially

dustarr73 · 29/09/2017 20:17

There are people who can do drugs and dont become addicts.My dp knew someone who was a functioning heroin addict.Got up and got their fix.Gave it enough time fr them to be "sober" before work.He was quite high up too.

Not everyone is pre positioned for addiction.Some people can just take t or leave it.

SemiNormal · 29/09/2017 20:18

Hmmm, this is inspiring me to give it a go! - If you're being serious, please please please don't. Sad I've had a relationship with a 'functioning' addict, I've friends who are 'addicts/users' and I know a lot of people locally who use it. Not a single one of those people that I know would ever admit to being addicted, they will say they 'were' addicted but they still are, they just deny it.
My ex once told me that heroin is the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks of before he sleeps. It was heartbreaking to hear his experiences of it.

MistressPage · 29/09/2017 20:20

Do you really go round her house for dinner twice a week. Does she ever come to yours? I mean even my closest friends and family I don't see every week let alone literally have round to dinner twice a week! I find this really really weird....

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