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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School photographer telling my daughter to 'look smart' for her photo and making her do her tie up

221 replies

wibble75 · 21/09/2017 21:44

Eldest DD is in Y7 and has come home this evening with the proofs from her school photos were were taken in the first week of term. I've only just got in from work and seen them and tbh a pissed off that they don't represent how she looks for school and she's since told me that the photographer made her do her top button up and 'look smart' for her photo.

I totally believe DD on this as she hates having her top button done up - she doesn't have her tie very loose but enough to be comfortable, and has done ever since day 1 of primary school. None of her teachers have commented on it, she's never worn it done up for any of her previous school photos, and was furious at having been told to do it!

Is this normal or AIBU to think it a bit crap of them? Surely it's up to the child how they look for their photo, and if it's 'smart' enough for the school then the photographer should go with that?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2017 06:22

What makes me laugh the most about this thread is the posters who've got themselves all into a lather (being pretty rude to the op and her dd in the process) about a situation that they consider to be a total non-issue. If it's such a non-issue, why all the vitriolics?

Hope today is better OP.

MaisyPops · 22/09/2017 06:34

I wonder if bit it's because of how much school time gets wasted every year dealing with people who act like their child has been traumatised or had their human rights infringed over total non-issues.

I'll be honest, just based on the 'my daughyer doesn't like doing x and we are both annoyed someone told her to', I have an image in my head of where that attitude gets students by y9/10.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2017 06:44

This op hasn't wasted a single second of the school's time. Yes she got slightly riled by something that is a total non issue to me. But the only time that's been wasted is by the people who've spent time all frothy about the aforementioned non issue. And the names the dd has been called over said non issue have been unbelievable

MaisyPops · 22/09/2017 06:48

I know she hasn't contacted school, but the idea that she has got this annoyed is sort of indicative of how staff end up dealing with all kinds of nonsense.
Equally, I do think the idea of 'my child is angry about it and has complained to me and now I am' is thr sort of mentality that really grates on people.

I do think some people have been unreasonably harsh, but at the same time I do think it's going to be a long 5 years at secondary school if this is what OP's child gets annoyed at and her outrage is then supported at home.

Miniminimus · 22/09/2017 06:49

Well I know it is disappointing when photo doesn't look like your child. My (normally fairly smart and happy) Y7 DD came home last night with a chilling mugshot style photo of herself, - uniform fine but crazy centre parting, hairband hanging off the back of her head and sullen expression. Clearly taken for admin records and sale to parents as an extra. No attemt at portrait styling, I guess that's just how it is at secondary! Would have appreciated the photographer giving her some advice....they can't win.

LongWavyHair · 22/09/2017 06:57

Oh ffs. She could have just undone her button again after the photo had been taken.

Would you have made this much of a fuss if it was a ds and not a dd?

Maelstrop · 22/09/2017 07:05

You're being ridiculous, OP and I think you know that. Having been at the photos for students over decades, every time, the photographer urges them to do up blazers, tighten ties, smile, stand a certain way. Don't be silly.

Our lot get detention for having top buttons undone and have to show a minimum of three stripes on the tie. Yes, it's stupidly strict, but there are zero issues with uniform so we can get on and teach and not waste time ensuring kids don't take the piss with rolled up skirts, sloppy ties etc.

RaspberryIce · 22/09/2017 07:06

I think people thought this was a bit extreme she's never worn it done up for any of her previous school photos, and was furious at having been told to do it!

CatsOclock · 22/09/2017 07:06

Why are people still putting the boot in,? Give it a rest!

^^ Completely agree.

Talk about kicking someone when they're down! It's nothing short of bullying.

Threads like this ruin Mumsnet for me.

OP, hope you have a much better day today.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/09/2017 07:11

I remember DD's school photo in Yr 6, she looked a right mess. If only someone had made the effort to remind her to smarten up.

Oh well.

saranotsarah · 22/09/2017 07:20

I can't believe the nasty comments on here about this. Ok so maybe in the cold light of day and to the majority this may seem like a trivial issue and a pointless thread, but clearly the OP had come in from what sounded like a pretty hard day, and we don't know the back story for the DD either - maybe she had over exaggerated her feelings about it all, and maybe something else had happened too.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2017 07:31

Where does it say her dd is angry and has complained to her maisy? Her dd hadn't even mentioned it to her till the photos came in. See what I mean? It's all the frothing people here who've made it a bigger deal than it was.

PandorasXbox · 22/09/2017 07:36

I wish DS had had your photographer last week for his school pic.
His tie is hanging LOOSE.

timeisnotaline · 22/09/2017 07:44

If the op had said hard day , I get it, of course the photographer smartened her up. My bad really for condoning her not having uniform properly for years and not buying a shirt that fitted at the neck... but she hasn't. She has said, tough day, but I don't understand my daughter is perfect as she is and how dare they want her to look smarter than her perfect self waaah. She doesn't get it, and not because she's had a bad day. Op please tell your daughter you are sorry you overreacted about the photos and you really feel the photographer was just doing his job. To give her some perspective. And move the neck button on her shirt or buy another one, she has years of school to go.

RaspberryIce · 22/09/2017 07:46

BitOutOfPractice see my post at 7.06

RaspberryIce · 22/09/2017 07:57

she's never worn it done up for any of her previous school photos, and was furious at having been told to do it!

RaspberryIce · 22/09/2017 07:58

Perhaps it's you that hasn't read it properly

mygorgeousmilo · 22/09/2017 08:11

I need a pic of you holding the photo up, with a sadface, in a newspaper, with you then holding up the newspaper with your pic on - also with a sadface. Like 'Inception' for unsatisfactory school photos.
You can take candid pics of what your child normally looks like with your phone. For school ones they like to look smart and this is what most people want from a school photo. This is why they wear uniforms etc, so they all look smart and errr....uniform.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 22/09/2017 08:12

I get you OP. I never buy the school photos because the photographer always smarten my boys up to the point where they just look strange. Normally involves brushing their longish hair into a style they don't normally have. Although it did once involve DS2 being photographed wearing someone else's cardigan for some reason.

We have a good laugh at them and then cut out the proofs for our rogues gallery on the fridge.

hippyhippyshake · 22/09/2017 08:12

You see if your dd had had her wits about her, she would have just slid the tie knot up beforehand (i.e. when everyone would have been reminded to check their appearance) then the photographer wouldn't have noticed the top button. Would have saved the angst. 🙂

balsamicbarbara · 22/09/2017 08:18

To be fair I wouldn't be impressed if a random man encouraged my DD to do up (or undo) buttons on her top.

hippyhippyshake · 22/09/2017 08:20

The photographer's a man?

Sirzy · 22/09/2017 08:22

Except he isn't some random man (how do we know it was a man anyway?) it was someone doing their job which includes making sure children look smart on the photos

DarceyBusselsNose · 22/09/2017 08:24

I work about 60 hours a week as an A&E nurse

Irrelevent. This is always trotted out to garner sympathy. And I'll counter with over time and shift premium.

Sayyouwill · 22/09/2017 08:25

What an absolute fucking cunt. I can't believe he did his job!!

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