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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School photographer telling my daughter to 'look smart' for her photo and making her do her tie up

221 replies

wibble75 · 21/09/2017 21:44

Eldest DD is in Y7 and has come home this evening with the proofs from her school photos were were taken in the first week of term. I've only just got in from work and seen them and tbh a pissed off that they don't represent how she looks for school and she's since told me that the photographer made her do her top button up and 'look smart' for her photo.

I totally believe DD on this as she hates having her top button done up - she doesn't have her tie very loose but enough to be comfortable, and has done ever since day 1 of primary school. None of her teachers have commented on it, she's never worn it done up for any of her previous school photos, and was furious at having been told to do it!

Is this normal or AIBU to think it a bit crap of them? Surely it's up to the child how they look for their photo, and if it's 'smart' enough for the school then the photographer should go with that?

OP posts:

CotswoldStrife · 21/09/2017 23:50

Did you read the following post Quimby?

FlowerPot1234 · 21/09/2017 23:50

wibble75
Flowerpot 1234 - 'the nasty photographer who made her look nice' - why didn't my daughter look nice as she was?

Dear god... you're still having a go at the photographer aren't you? You're still pandering to your ungrateful, disrespectful, moaning child. You still don't get it, do you?

Do you have no understanding at all of being well dressed, or being smart for official photographs? Of pride in one's appearance? Of making an effort, especially on special occasions? Do you have no comprehension at all that a photographer was actually doing something nice for your daughter and you, an official photograph that you might put up on your wall and keep forever, to have her looking her very best. Does none of what we're writing make any sense to you at all?

SallyForthSunshine · 21/09/2017 23:52

Just take a pic yourself OP, in front of the garden wall or something. It will mean more to both of you than a posed school photo.

IHateUncleJamie · 21/09/2017 23:53

Sorry you've had a bad day, OP

That said, I'm assuming you are under no obligation to buy the photos, are you? In which case, don't buy them! I'm genuinely surprised that your dd was "furious" and that this has got to you so much. I think your dd has been lucky to get away with having her button undone up until now. She'd have had demerits and all sorts at my dd's school.

elephantoverthehill · 21/09/2017 23:56

And walk.

Original poster

wibble75 · 21/09/2017 23:57

'ungrateful, disrespectful, moaning child' - that's one hell of a judgement to make about an 11yr old girl!

OP posts:

MargaretTwatyer · 22/09/2017 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FlowerPot1234 · 22/09/2017 00:03

'ungrateful, disrespectful, moaning child' - that's one hell of a judgement to make about an 11yr old girl!

No, an observation about a child who comes home and moans that a photographer did his best to make her look nice and tells you she was "furious" at him.

You really, really don't get it. Have it your way. Go sue the school for cruelty, damn the nasty photographer, and encourage your daughter in her negative reactions to other adults who do such nice things for her.

Let it snow, let it snow...

MargaretTwatyer · 22/09/2017 00:05

Anyway it was Y7 so there are at least 4 more years when the OP can agree with her daughter that she can say no and they'll get the pic they want.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/09/2017 00:05

Linking to MIND is offensive,this is the second time I've seen this recently.

Ds said the photographer hands out disposable combs so they all give themselves really bad partings

MargaretTwatyer · 22/09/2017 00:06

flowerpot, I agree that the photographer was in the right. But you are going waaaaaay over the top with the abuse.

LunchBoxPolice · 22/09/2017 00:21

This is a lot of fuss over a button, wibble. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

GypsyQueen · 22/09/2017 00:24

I can see why you aren't pleased as it is taking away the way your dd really is and making her look and feel awkward. In years to come when you see the photo it won't look like the way you remember her being. When I first saw my uncle out of his farming clothes and in a suit I didn't feel comfortable with him, mind you I was only five. The photographer could have suggested she do her top button up etc but should not insist on it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/09/2017 00:25

Ours were air brushed a couple of years ago ,it was hilarious,all the kids looked like extras from Towie they were so tanned.

kali110 · 22/09/2017 01:00

The op is wrong, but posters linking to MIND can do one.
Do you think it's funny or do you mean to be offensive?

DixieNormas · 22/09/2017 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

avamiah · 22/09/2017 01:11

I've heard it all now,the photographer is just doing his job.
I always tell my daughter to brush her hair and make sure her tie is straight and her shirt is tucked in when it's school photos day.She is 7 and loves school photo day.

twattymctwatterson · 22/09/2017 02:55

This won't have been the first time in 8 years the photographer has had to do this. He will have had the same conversation with a dozen other kids. Honestly I know you've had a bad day but I can't be believe this was enough of an issue for you to start a thread about and now argue the toss over. It was school photo day and your DD was told to do up her top button and fix her tie. It happened to me every year. I'm not scarred over it

ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/09/2017 03:08

I'm sure the photographer would rather just take the pictures but I presume he is obligated to ensure that the kids follow uniform rules. The easiest way for him to do this is tell them to do up top buttons and neaten ties. That way the school is not going to turn around and say he didn't fulfil the brief. The photographer has absolutely no knowledge of the rather specific top-button related history of your DD.

shakingmyhead1 · 22/09/2017 05:21

the teachers at our school make sure the children are dressed correctly and have spare uniform items if it something is forgotten or not to code and the photographers have a bucket of combs to neaten hair etc (they throw them in a separate bucket for sterilization after use), so yes i would think its normal, and to be honest it is a record of their schooling years and they should look like they show some pride in themselves and their school by looking neat and tidy and wearing the uniform correctly.

vlooby · 22/09/2017 05:32

Why are people still putting the boot in,? Give it a rest!

user327854831 · 22/09/2017 05:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jennielou75 · 22/09/2017 05:54

Just to bring it down a bit in the primary school I once worked at we had a child who never came in school uniform. He started to cry on photo day saying he just wanted to look like his friends. We found clean uniform clothes in the right size and changed him. He just beamed. We were a bit worried when the proofs came but his mum bought copies and never said a word! He still came in every day in non uniform but changed by himself into a spare sweatshirt we kept for him.
Oh and we also had spare ties we used to put on the children at the front then take off once photo was done and put on the next children who didn't have one. We never had any complaints.

MaisyPops · 22/09/2017 06:03

...meanwhile in a parallel universe.... Parent complains that school photographer didn't bother to remind their child to do button up and is annoyed that they don't look smart enough in the photos

This.
Staff just can't win with some people.
Sometimes I think we should copy threads like this and make a new thread titled 'when teachers say they deal with silly complaints abd pointless emails/calls, this is what we mean...'

PressPaws · 22/09/2017 06:18

Sorry you had a shitty day wibble. YABU, but I'm frequently unreasonable after a long hard day too. And even though it was an overreaction, I do get why you were disappointed. Hope today is a better one.

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