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AIBU?

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Original poster

School photographer telling my daughter to 'look smart' for her photo and making her do her tie up

221 replies

wibble75 · 21/09/2017 21:44

Eldest DD is in Y7 and has come home this evening with the proofs from her school photos were were taken in the first week of term. I've only just got in from work and seen them and tbh a pissed off that they don't represent how she looks for school and she's since told me that the photographer made her do her top button up and 'look smart' for her photo.

I totally believe DD on this as she hates having her top button done up - she doesn't have her tie very loose but enough to be comfortable, and has done ever since day 1 of primary school. None of her teachers have commented on it, she's never worn it done up for any of her previous school photos, and was furious at having been told to do it!

Is this normal or AIBU to think it a bit crap of them? Surely it's up to the child how they look for their photo, and if it's 'smart' enough for the school then the photographer should go with that?

OP posts:
GinandGingerBeer · 21/09/2017 22:45

Alright I think the OP has realised she was being ott, peace n love n all that.

One year I got ds2's photos back, let's just say DH had taken him that day Grin omg, his hair was all over and his t shirt on back to front! It didn't help that he'd just lost a front milk tooth too Grin I have never laughed so much and the photo still cracks me up now.

Slagheap · 21/09/2017 22:46

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tallwivglasses · 21/09/2017 22:49

Aye, rtft people - OP backed down very gracefully I thought.

I don't like school photos and I've rarely bought them because I take better ones on my phone 😊

elephantoverthehill · 21/09/2017 22:49

Redglitter It is good that you feel better by reading this thread.

FlowerPot1234 · 21/09/2017 22:52

The school photographer ensures your child is smart, well dressed, kempt, and wearing her tie properly... and you are complaining, are pissed off, think a 7 year old should be dictating to the photographer what she looks like, and you think it's a bit crap of the school to do this?

Shock I've heard it all now.

Here's a rod. Place it on your back. And here's some ice for the snowflake. For crying out loud...

Pollypudding · 21/09/2017 22:54

Many years ago we had a family school photo - my 2 brothers and me- my mum had cut my fringe ( squint) the night before- my younger brother had lost his front teeth and my older brother had dared to TAKE HIS TIE OFF. Worst photo ever but every time we get together we take it out and roar with laughter! One day you will look back and laugh OP!

Poppyfields21 · 21/09/2017 22:55

This has to be a joke...

itreallyiswhatitis · 21/09/2017 22:56

With parents like this, no wonder there are Snowflakes.

Original poster
wibble75 · 21/09/2017 22:57

Fucking hell I didn't expect to be abused and flamed quite as much as I have - clearly I'm in the wrong and the minority here!
Just to clarify things a little, I work about 60 hours a week as an A&E nurse, so I am aware that many many people have much greater problems than me.
The point I was trying to make is that my daughter wears her uniform in a way that conforms to the school rules but at the same time is comfortable for her to wear. I'm not condoning her breaking school rules in the slightest - she knows the school rules on uniform and that if she trangresses then she has to face the consequences. If her teachers told her to do her top button then she would do it, but since she wears it only slightly undone then it obviously goes unnoticed.
My point was that I didn't think it was the place of the photographer to instruct her on how to wear her uniform, given that she hardly looked scruffy!

OP posts:
Original poster
wibble75 · 21/09/2017 22:59

I was also a bit surprised that this is the first time it's been an issue for the photographer in 8 years of having school photos taken!

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 21/09/2017 23:03

Yes you are bu. He was just trying to make sure she looked smart in her photo, which is what most parents want, hardly crime of the century is it. How does he know what she normally looks like at school?

elephantoverthehill · 21/09/2017 23:04

OP I admire your opening sentence with 'Fucking Hell'. I am quite surprised that your DC didn't have to lie down, on the ground, head in hands or do a cake oogling, smashy thing. Tie, collar, all good for school photo.

BakedBeans47 · 21/09/2017 23:06

Sorry hadn't RTFT. Apols OP

Original poster
wibble75 · 21/09/2017 23:08

sorry about the 'fucking hell' - it's been a bit of a crap day :-(

OP posts:
FlowerPot1234 · 21/09/2017 23:08

wibble The point I was trying to make is that my daughter wears her uniform in a way...

The point you are missing is that the point you are trying to make is utterly ridiculous. What are you doing pandering to your 7 year old's every wish? What are you doing criticising a photographer for helping make your daughter look her best for her school photograph? What are you doing getting so worked up over other people's good standards and good intentions towards your daughter and you?

astratty76666 · 21/09/2017 23:09

More to the point, why don't you want your child to look smart? Would you rather she was a scruffbag? How sad.

ScarlettSahara · 21/09/2017 23:09

Oh dear OP read your post several times and just didn't get it. Came to the conclusion you wanted a relaxed & natural photo rather than stiff and formal??
For some bizarre reason I am picturing a Harry Potter Howler telling your DD to smarten up. Been a bizarre day here though. Anyhoo hope you day got better. No 🔥🔥but thanks for the laugh!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 21/09/2017 23:09

I have a child with sensory issues so I do see where you are coming from, having said that she is aware that in yr7 there will be a regime change. I also think that if she had the photos in the first week and you are only just aware of them then she probably wasn't too upset at the time. If my dd had experienced a trigger then she would be holding back the tears telling me. Fortunately now this is only a few times a year. If I found out two weeks later that she had done something that she previously would not have then I think that I would praise her for getting on with it and still looking lovely in the photo. She is lucky that she is generally getting away with it and maybe the odd time when she is asked to smarten up will prepare her for her future. Of course your child might not have wider sensory issues, but even so I think that a breezing over of previous issues is probably best in yr7 unless any become a clear ongoing problem. They reinvent themselves in secondary school and maybe she is wanting to conform and fit in a little more.

MothratheMighty · 21/09/2017 23:11

I'm surprised it's not happened before, most schools expect children to be their tidiest for photos, parents may not buy a photo of a child if they look feral and the photographer is in the business of selling.

Ellie56 · 21/09/2017 23:13

The photographer at our school yesterday asked all the children to button up their cardigans, and make sure collars were outside their sweatshirt/cardigan. Presumably he did this because he knows most parents refuse to buy photos where the kids look unkempt and scruffy.

Your daughter is lucky to get away with not fastening her top button and not wearing her tie properly.She certainly wouldn't have got away with it at my children's school, or in a lot of other schools.

ScarlettSahara · 21/09/2017 23:13

No biscuit either OP - think you needWine

WhatsThisNow · 21/09/2017 23:14

But it just doesn't matter OP. Not one jot.

elephantoverthehill · 21/09/2017 23:18

There is also the very small matter that the individual photos are put onto SIMS. The individual photo stays with the student until year 11.

VinIsGroot · 21/09/2017 23:18

One year the school photographer got a picture with DS then DS in special school and DD in pre-school....it was awesome.... Not been repeated for 3 years as impossible.....GET A LIFE!

PovertyPain · 21/09/2017 23:20

Sounds like you've had a shitty day and just feeling oversensitive about everything, OP. I'm sure if you were in better form this wouldn't have bothered you in the slightest. Are you using it as an excuse to be angry instead of dealing with, whatever the real problem is?

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