To be appalled at this mum at the nursery?

[Xabirak]

I drop my 4 years old to the nursery at breakfast time. As we habe a little rutine and I Stay until she's seated with her breakfast, we have no drama. None at all.
But every child/mum is different and some of them just cry the life out of them when leave. It's life.
Today a kid was particularly upset. It was a full drama to see her, and her poor mum.
So, when I was walking out of the room with said mum, I looked at her and said"it's just a phase, it will get better" I just tried to be comforting, didn't gave her any tips or spoke about my routine that works so well. I swear. Just said what I wrote.
And then I hear her saying"F**ck off"
"Excuse me?"
I'm a foreigner and thought, even having being here for 12 years, that my English failed me and didn't heard properly.
And then she looks at me and says"who gave you the right to talk about my child?"

Appalling.

Did I crossed some line I'm not aware of?????

@ruthieruthuk, the OP simply said, 'It's just a phase', meaning to be kind. To me that wouldn't be helpful; my DDs are adopted and one of them has Attachment Disorder, that is not a phase! She didn't offer advice or help, no.

I'm sure she meant well, though, and the other mum shouldn't have sworn at her, IMHO.

When I had my first I used to get so angry when people used to give unsolicited advise or comments. Now with my second I really appreciate other parents saying nice things during stressful situations. You were trying to help and she was very rude.

I think the thing is the OP says "as we have a routine....we have no drama".- even adds "None at all". She is making the point quite clearly that her child's perfect behaviour is due to her parenting. There is no actual need for her to have stated this if she was genuinely sympathetic to the other woman - she could have said, " I just dropped off my DC when.....,," So, the question is why is she making the point? The post, to me, shows the OP as a bit patronising and smug. The person I feel sorry for in this post is the other woman actually. Of course she should not have sworn. I would have smiled and thought it though. The other thing is, she didn't say anything remotely helpful, but a platitude handed down by Wise Woman of Superior Parenting Skills With Quiet Child, and it sounds as though she said it while the other poor woman was in the middle of dealing with a really distressed child. So, really bad timing too. I am sure you are a lovely person OP - it's not that you shouldn't try to say something nice, but you got it wrong this time in a fraught situation.

I think it is worth remembering too that what works for one child will not necessarily work for others.

I treated all of my three DDs much the same and routines were overall very similar. Only DD2 gave me any grief, but bloody hell did she know how to do it when she wanted to, and it was quite an experience. Good thing I was not working at the point where she started preschool and actually could spend three weeks getting her to settle. Otherwise we would have run into real problems.

DD1 and DD3 were naturally rather more outgoing, and more inclined to get stuck in at nursery or preschool with barely any wobbles. A dream by comparison.

My routine that works so well Urgh! I rather suspect you came across as smug and patronising. If course nothing justifies using that language around children. I would have told you to mind your own business.

You meant well, but the other mum (who may or may not be a generally decent person) was stressed out and took it out on you. She shouldn't have, but she did.

It does feel shit when you have an upset child flipping out and you're surrounded by parents whose children are behaving well, DS2 has sensory issues and sometimes I just want the ground to swallow me up when he goes off on one and everyone else has a nice gawp at us.

I find it incredible that people are thinking it's excuseable to say 'fuck off' to someone who was being kind. That it's ok. Even if you think it, to actually say it is really unpleasant.

You were being kind and sympathetic. I totally get why you said that. She is rude and nasty. Don't let these types bring you down. Avoid her and don't let it stop you continuing to be kind and sympathetic.

She was very rude but a) you don't sound like you know her well enough to understand her circumstances and b) you didn't offer comfort, you offered unsolicited comments. If you felt you want to reach out to her why not simply ask if she was ok or give her a smile? You assumed she wanted or needed your wisdom but it might've been the straw that broke the camel's back that particular day. Pretty sure most of us have had one of those days where even the most well intentioned comment feels like intrusion.

Yanbu at all. OK maybe she found what you said annoying for some reason but it's no excuse to be rude. If I told everyone who irritated me to fuck off rather than just gritting my teeth and smiling grimacing then I'd have upset most of my friends and family at some point.

And ROFL at the idea that we avoid speaking to each other in case we annoy someone. I'll take the risk and keep living in this world thanks.

Pretty sure most of us have had one of those days where even the most well intentioned comment feels like intrusion.

Maybe, but I'm pretty sure most of us don't tell other parents to fuck off on the nursery drop off. Or perhaps I'm just particularly polite 😂

I completely agree with nelliee, wether English is your second language or not the general tone of your post is smug and patronising. "We have no drama, non at all" well good for you!You may of thought you were helping but unless you sat stoney faced I'm sure your expression would of been obvious and she could see it. And your comment wasn't a helpful one but an ill informed statement, You know nothing about the lady or her child. Yes she was rude but if it was me, you would of had short shrift too minus the swearing.

I'm a daycare veteran and have been the mum of the screaming/clinging child. mums have said the same to me and iv said the same to other mums.

she was rude

It's not smug or patronising at all. She's already said English is not her first language. I have Russian and Polish friends who can speak bluntly/ frankly but certainly don't mean to cause offence. I think this woman has misinterpreted your delivery OP.

I don't care what her circumstances are you don't tell people to Fuck off in a nursery!

Keep a wide berth from her in future.

She was really rude. I do think it's her and not you though, so I wouldn't let it bother you. I had another mum hug me when I left my child at nursery and he was crying. I hope for her sake she was having a really bad day and doesn't normally react like that, as she won't make many friends if she does.

Some people here clearly have issues. You were being kind and you don't sound smug. Gees, I would hate to bump into these grumpy mothers