Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be appalled at this mum at the nursery?

216 replies

Xabirak · 14/09/2017 19:11

I drop my 4 years old to the nursery at breakfast time. As we habe a little rutine and I Stay until she's seated with her breakfast, we have no drama. None at all.
But every child/mum is different and some of them just cry the life out of them when leave. It's life.
Today a kid was particularly upset. It was a full drama to see her, and her poor mum.
So, when I was walking out of the room with said mum, I looked at her and said"it's just a phase, it will get better" I just tried to be comforting, didn't gave her any tips or spoke about my routine that works so well. I swear. Just said what I wrote.
And then I hear her saying"F**ck off"
"Excuse me?"
I'm a foreigner and thought, even having being here for 12 years, that my English failed me and didn't heard properly.
And then she looks at me and says"who gave you the right to talk about my child?"

Appalling.

Did I crossed some line I'm not aware of?????

OP posts:
RB68 · 15/09/2017 19:11

I think my response in return would have been "oh Darling" in a faux nice voice, "up Yours" and walked off. Easy to say after the event but what an utter cow Karma is already biting though so no worries there

Smudge100 · 15/09/2017 19:24

She's an ignorant, rude bitch and her child's behaviour is probably the result of her attitude. You were not patronising as some people have suggested but supportive and cordial. You do not deserve to be spoken to like that and she owes you an apology. People who are stressed can still take an overture in the spirit in which it was intended unless, like this poisonous individual, they are too ignorant to deserve sympathy.

LuluJakey1 · 15/09/2017 19:29

Yes, she was rude and I think there is no excuse.
You do sound smug and self-satisfied.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/09/2017 19:31

She was incredibly rude.

Is there anything one could say to the parent of a child having an autistic meltdown that would be supportive/inoffensive? I can see how it's a phase/it'll get better might be unhelpful.

Mumandteacher123 · 15/09/2017 19:32

She was rude but also your comment was unsolicited and she may be at the end of her tether. I'm not excusing her swearing but it may be an idea not to wade in with a comment when you don't know the situation.

Joshpaws · 15/09/2017 19:33

You did nothing wrong but there are those who think telling you to mind your own business is OK - sadly a sign of the times. Bloody rude.

Katedotness1963 · 15/09/2017 19:34

It's best not to remark on other peoples parenting. As for a phase, my youngest went to school with a little boy who screamed and cried at drop off time every day for three years. Three years...

Joshpaws · 15/09/2017 19:34

The 'walk by on the other side' generation.

dragonara53 · 15/09/2017 19:48

When my five daughters were starting nursery they all went in with no problems. I left them at the classroom door and they just said cya mam and buggered off into the class. There were a couple of boys that cried but the nursery staff were pretty good with them. I didn't talk to the parents, I didn't know them and didn't want to know them. If anyone had said anything to me I'd have just smiled and walked off. Life's too short and there's no law saying you have to like people.

Birdsgottafly · 15/09/2017 19:51

""She's an ignorant, rude bitch and her child's behaviour is probably the result of her attitude. ""

Don't be stupid, some children have extreme separation anxiety for a variety of reasons.

My GC never settled into Nursery. Unless you've been through the ongoing anxiety, knowing what you both are going to face, day in day out, you wouldn't understand how "it'll get better", could illicit a duck off response.

I personally wouldn't have given that response, nor would my DD. But if it's becoming apparent that your child isn't responding in a way other children do (could be for a medical reason), remarks start to grate.

Or she could be a twat.

andypandy60 · 15/09/2017 19:55

I find it best not to say anything, a lot of people are so ready with a mouthful of abuse when you're only trying to be kind.

Brittbugs80 · 15/09/2017 19:57

You sound a bit smug to be honest. Plus from nursery experience, workers get more annoyed with the parents who take forever to leave and fuss over their children who are actually fine.

Her child probably stops crying after a few minutes and children are always easier to calm down once their parents are gone.

Lavabravacava · 15/09/2017 20:05

Sometimes I wish I could tell smug mums to fuck off. I don't because it's rude.

To this mum, you looked like you were sitting watching her child having a tantrum and then passing judgement.

You don't need to sit beside your 4 year old to settle them. I know it's nice to see them in their nursery, but that's not what it's for.

MissSeventies · 15/09/2017 20:07

YANBU at all. You made a comment in the hopes of reassuring another Mum you perceived to be struggling. Telling you to "fuck off" was horrendously rude regardless of her 'circumstances' what they may or may not be.

I tire of the "you don't know her circumstances" comment as an excuse for all sorts of bad and rude behaviour. A random cross section of my friends and acquaintances alone will find people with seriously ill children, sudden deaths of parents, tragic deaths of siblings, ill parents, financial troubles ... Right down to a bad day at work we all have 'stresses' at some point in our lives, but if we start allowing that to be an excuse for well being an a**hole to be blunt I don't know where we will be.

cheval · 15/09/2017 20:09

I'm much older than all of you. She was rude. Just blank her next time.
Back in the day. When I left youngest at nursery clinging to my knees, me in tears all the way to work, pre mobiles. Would then ring from work an hour later and see if he was still in meltdown, only to to find out he was fine two minutes after I left. I would have appreciated some support at that point of leaving him from another mum

Joshpaws · 15/09/2017 20:12

Exactly MissSeventies - I'm sick and tired of this kind of comment too. There's no excuse for saying 'fuck off.

Zsuzsika · 15/09/2017 20:20

I am shocked to read some of the comments here. I thought I will be reading about how the other woman was rude and her comment uncalled for. Whatever her situation is you don't just say that to a stranger! And especially not in a nursery??! Nice example she's showing to the children! We all have our problems and we are all trying to cope with those problems but this behaviour should be unacceptable no matter what! If that had happened to her I would have given her a mouthful shitty little dirtbag! And would be telling the staff so they are aware what kind of language she's using in a place like that!

Maireadplastic · 15/09/2017 20:22

Cheval- how do you know? How do you know how old we all are?

oldlaundbooth · 15/09/2017 20:28

In this situation it really is best just to give an understanding smile.

manicmij · 15/09/2017 20:35

Rude, just plain rude. Just how stressful can having a clingy child crying at being left. Even if the child has other issues the op could have at least said the situation will likely not change due to ............. Some folk are so up themselves thinking they must be the only one with difficulties.

thathappened · 15/09/2017 20:51

OP some people are just vile. Don't waste your time giving her any more thought.

bookwormnerd · 15/09/2017 20:56

Of course it is rude to say fuck off. I think we have all had those days where your hanging by a thread and it can take a comment and you snap even if its wrong to do so, it was wrong place to do so and she shouldent have replied ruddly. She took what you said wrongly. It was wrong to swear especially in front of children. I would draw a line under experience, you dont need to interact with her. It does sound from response she thought you were judging, she was probably embarressed though it doesnt excuse behaviour.

TheNewKaren · 15/09/2017 20:59

TBH - I felt like saying this (I didn't of course) to an older lady when I was limping out of A&E with a cast on my leg the other day. I was struggling with my crutches and she cheerily said 'you'll get used to it'. I hadn't looked at her nor had I invited a conversation. I was stressed and I didn't need any interfering busybodies making smug comments. Your nursery mum may have felt stressed out and didn't appreciate your comment or didn't understand it in the sense it was made

nonfatnofoamlatte · 15/09/2017 21:23

To be honest if you came across to her like you do on this thread you sound smug and patronising.

Really? All she said was it was just a phase. If that was said to me, I would have felt grateful and reassured. Too many people are rude and inconsiderate in this world and take offence at everything.
You were not smug or patronizing, Op.

nonfatnofoamlatte · 15/09/2017 21:26

Crap! Huge bold text fail!!