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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be appalled at this mum at the nursery?

216 replies

Xabirak · 14/09/2017 19:11

I drop my 4 years old to the nursery at breakfast time. As we habe a little rutine and I Stay until she's seated with her breakfast, we have no drama. None at all.
But every child/mum is different and some of them just cry the life out of them when leave. It's life.
Today a kid was particularly upset. It was a full drama to see her, and her poor mum.
So, when I was walking out of the room with said mum, I looked at her and said"it's just a phase, it will get better" I just tried to be comforting, didn't gave her any tips or spoke about my routine that works so well. I swear. Just said what I wrote.
And then I hear her saying"F**ck off"
"Excuse me?"
I'm a foreigner and thought, even having being here for 12 years, that my English failed me and didn't heard properly.
And then she looks at me and says"who gave you the right to talk about my child?"

Appalling.

Did I crossed some line I'm not aware of?????

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 14/09/2017 19:35

I would never say it but I would think it. My child has additional needs that weren't apparent to others but created the most stressful and painful situations at nursery and school. As hopeless as I felt sometimes I think that "it's just a phase" from an on looker might have made it even worse. Because it's not just a phase and it will always be like this.

Ttbb · 14/09/2017 19:37

You were actually being terribly rude. In Britain there is a golden rule that you do not acknowledge strangers unless it is to say sorry after that have rammed you with their shopping trolley. Your lack or boundires combined with the stressful situation and the very personal nature of the comment must have been a bit too much for her to deal with. Or she is just rude too.

greendale17 · 14/09/2017 19:38

YANBU- she was rude

pictish · 14/09/2017 19:39

Sounds like someone at the end of their tether who has lost perspective and is not thinking straight. Yes she was rude. I can sympathise though...I once told a cashier in a shop to fuck off and mind her own business after she made a comment about how uncomfortable my baby looked in the buggy (he was fine). I wasn't in a good place at the time and I snapped. I was mortified about it and apologised later.

This sounds a bit like that.

SparkyBlue · 14/09/2017 19:40

She sounds like an absolute cow. Avoid her in future

QueenNefertitty · 14/09/2017 19:41

Sweet Jesus... OP you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't a "terribly personal" comment, it was just one of those things that parents say, like "oh teething?!" to a parent with a grumbly red cheeked baby, or "it gets easier!" to someone whose child is doing a Peaceful Resistance full on lump body protest in TESCO.

I get that you were going for supportive, and I would have been grateful for your support- whether I knew privately if it really was a phase or not.

She's the one with the problem - and I'm not talking about her kid

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 14/09/2017 19:41

Trying to contend with a child having a full on meltdown and having people walk past and comment is bloody annoying.

She was rude but I understand why.

Kardashianlove · 14/09/2017 19:43

She was very rude but I would have found your comment really annoying. It may not be a phase, it could be like that permanently or could be a one off for a particular reason.

Agree with quartz, you do come accross as very smug on the thread but I appreciate you could be totally different in real life. You seem to imply though that what you do 'works so well' and that's the reason you have no drama with your DC. It sounds like you think if others did the same, they wouldn't have any drama either.

Maybe the mum is already annoyed at you not dropping your DC off. Not all parents can do this and it can be upsetting for the other kids 'Xs mum stays in the morning, why can't you stay'. Even if it's not for long, 4 year olds don't have a good concept of time and it could feel you are there for ages and it's unfair their parent doesn't stay too. She may have told her DC mum's aren't allowed to stay and they DC sees you there and makes her even more upset.

ScrumpyBetty · 14/09/2017 19:43

Mind your own business in the future

Let's forget about whether the OP crossed boundaries, should have minded her own business or not

Even if the OP was out of order, crossed boundaries inappropriately or whatever it is still NO excuse for complete rudeness by the other mum! I mean come on! The other mum should have behaved like an adult and just ignored the OP if she found her rude. There is no excuse for telling someone to fuck off when they are just trying to help, autistic son or not (I only say that because another poster has tried to justify it by saying maybe the child was ASD). Still no excuse for appalling manners. Ever.

RedBlackberries · 14/09/2017 19:44

What a fucking bitch. You did nothing wrong! No amount of stressed gives someone the right to talk like that.

For the record I would have then told her to go fuck herself (then got shaky with adrenaline and then run off and cry).

SeaEagleFeather · 14/09/2017 19:45

My older has some behavioural needs and the occasional words of kindness have really, really been appreciated. And even an offer to drive us home by one lovely lady. Never forget that.

YOu did a good thing and with anyone else it would have been appreciated.

Mittens1969 · 14/09/2017 19:47

I personally absolutely hate that word, it's very rude, and there's never an excuse to be aggressive. But at the same time, I wouldn't like it if a stranger tried to reassure me about my DDs because what do they know? My DDs are adopted with their own needs, and that is not a phase they're going to grow out of.

I think you meant well, OP, but please learn something from this, a lot of people don't appreciate reassurance from a stranger.

shivermytimbers · 14/09/2017 19:49

We'll have you only saw a snapshot of her day, she spends the rest of it dispensing soup to the destitute in a minute this would normally be me defending someone who lost their cool for a minute but even I think sweary mum was completely out of order

TheLegendOfBeans · 14/09/2017 19:52

Here's a fact; she's probably regretted saying that to you and is made her feel shite all day. I know I would if I'd said that in response to your comment.

YANBU.

Littlepond · 14/09/2017 19:52

Yeh, see I was that mum with a child that screamed every day at nursery, then school, every day until year 2.

Honestly, if another mum whose child had "no drama" said something like that to me, although I would have kept it in my head, my response would have been fuck off too.

You did nothing wrong by trying to help, but it is awful when your child is screaming and you have to leave them and the last thing I would want would be for perfect mum (my perception!) of perfect child (again, mine, not saying you put that out there) to give me a patronising "there there, I'm sure your child will be as perfect as mine in no time". That's not what you said, but it's what I would have heard...

There are an awful lot of emotions running through you when your child screams at being left - guilt, worry, anger, dread, sadness... like everyone is looking at you and you've somehow got it all wrong somewhere. So yeh, "it's just a phase" would have angered me too. Sorry OP.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/09/2017 19:53

Hopefully she'll apologise when she see's you next? She needs to, how rude and aggressive and not great in a room full of 3 year olds.
Don't hold your breath though!

Titterofwit · 14/09/2017 19:54

You were being nice OP and didnt deserve the rudeness but dont let that incident change the way you would react to someone in a similar situation .
I would consider speaking to a member of the nursery mangement about your interchange . Its not appropriate to react like this in a nursery setting and maybe if there is more to it than pure nastiness to a stranger the staff might be able to help .

Barefoot789 · 14/09/2017 19:54

She's either having a terrible day/time and your (however well intentioned) comment was the last straw, or she's a total bitch.
Either way don't give it another thought.

Slimthistime · 14/09/2017 19:55

OP "when I was walking out of the room with said mum, I looked at her and said"it's just a phase, it will get better"

I am told by parent friends that's one of the worst things to hear when DC are having a meltdown.

I also generally don't comment on any stranger situations. If someone needs help and I can see that, I offer it. If a stranger is cryin on the Tube I silently pass a tissue.

I do not comment.

missjulia · 14/09/2017 19:55

She was rude, but you sound incredibly smug.

oldlaundbooth · 14/09/2017 19:56

Another one whose response would have been fuck off too.

I'd have said it in my head though, or out of sight.

She probably found it patronising.

And can people please just say shit or whatever, whatever is this Jack Schitt rubbish Confused

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 14/09/2017 19:56

Christ, I can't believe that PPs are trying to justify her behaviour. You did nothing wrong, you were just trying to be reassuring, and she was inexcusably rude. YANBU, OP.

randomer · 14/09/2017 19:57

please don't mention Auschwitz in a jokey way.

Lifeofpies · 14/09/2017 19:57

Yes she was rude, but I also understand. I have found leaving DS at nursery so difficult, and felt very vulnerable walking out.

If anyone said a word to me I would have internally told them to F off because they have no fricking idea of our lives. It's like a builder saying 'cheer up love, it'll never happen'. I just wouldn't say it out loud.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 14/09/2017 19:58

If you came across even half as smug as you are in this post, I can absolutely see why she told you to fuck off.

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