To be appalled at this mum at the nursery?

[Xabirak]

I drop my 4 years old to the nursery at breakfast time. As we habe a little rutine and I Stay until she's seated with her breakfast, we have no drama. None at all.
But every child/mum is different and some of them just cry the life out of them when leave. It's life.
Today a kid was particularly upset. It was a full drama to see her, and her poor mum.
So, when I was walking out of the room with said mum, I looked at her and said"it's just a phase, it will get better" I just tried to be comforting, didn't gave her any tips or spoke about my routine that works so well. I swear. Just said what I wrote.
And then I hear her saying"F**ck off"
"Excuse me?"
I'm a foreigner and thought, even having being here for 12 years, that my English failed me and didn't heard properly.
And then she looks at me and says"who gave you the right to talk about my child?"

Appalling.

Did I crossed some line I'm not aware of?????

Randomer- totally agree about not using Auschwitz in a jokey way (well put). I'm not a particularly sensitive soul, but it's disturbing.

Whatever is going on in their life I find it really sad that anyone would think it ok to tell someone to 'Fuck off' like that. What happened to just having a bit of respect for fellow human beings?

You did absolutely nothing wrong. She's vile. Ignore her from now on.

Yes, she was rude. For whatever reason. But this isn't about you. Carry on.

Crikey, I was that parent with the screaming child, no one acknowledged me (or him). I would have loved a bit of connection from anyone else, rather than judgemental looks at him and no help with my other child. She was very rude to you, and that sort of language in that environment is definitely not ok in my book.

Her response was unforgivable, but sorry, I think you were being patronising. She probably knows it's a phase and I think I would be a bit annoyed too... it was stressful for all concerned, and the last thing that mother needed was someone assuming she didn't know what was happening.

I wouldn't have said fuck off but you would have annoyed me with your patronising comment.

Maybe she told you to 'fuck off' because she noticed how you were sat there watching her as she tried to comfort her child?
It's quite irritating when you're trying to settle your upset child and all the 'no drama' mums eyes are on you.
She didn't want you watching her, and she obviously didn't want your advice.
Yes, she was rude.
But honestly, I can understand why she would be.

She was incredibly rude, there's no doubt about that.

But agree with other posters that this may not just be a phrase. She was probably highly stressed as the screaming and a passing stranger dismissing her child's distress as 'just a phase' probably pushed her over the edge.

Try to forget about it OP. Maybe in future avoid making judgements about children that you know nothing about.

It was rude to swear at you but what you thought sounded reassuring actually sounds quite patronising and ill thought through. It may not just be a phase and the mother may be sick of people saying that to her. As for your routine, some children struggle to be left at nursery despite a routine - my son reacts differently on some days despite the same routine. She was probably very stressed and didn't need some seemingly flippant comment.

You didn't do anything wrong OP.

That said, I feel like we've all been there. We've been stressed, things just keep going wrong, we're late, and we get bitchy over nothing as a result.

Dear Lord! A little support and one gets told to Fuck off and mind our business. No wonder people are depressed and hide their problems away! Sheesh!

You meant well. Not really sure why it would seem patronising. I guess we will all stay on our lanes and in our bubbles. If we have to stop and think each time we want to reach out, what would be the point??

I'd rather have had you when my eldest started nursery than the bitches who found his distress to be something to laugh at.

You did nothing wrong, this is about her not you

How on earth was the OP being insensitive?! She said something reassuring, comforting and friendly. It's even a bit of a cliché, but who hasn't had a nice mum say 'Been there, done that - it'll get better!' with a screaming toddler (for example) in the supermarket? It is a NICE and FRIENDLY thing to do FFS. How anyone could construe it as 'intrusive', 'insensitive' or 'judgemental' staggers me. This is how nice, normal people interact with one another decently.

OP, sorry you've been getting twattish responses. Unless you delivered the passing remark with a massively smug smirk on your face, whilst gesturing towards your angelic child with one hand and polishing your halo with the other, I think you did a nice thing which - for reasons outside your control - was flung back in your face.

I think she was just feeling defensive and incompetent at being unable to stop her child crying on leaving. Which is her being unreasonable towards herself. So she took your support as patronising when you were not being at all.

However you came across, there was no need for that response (within earshot anyway!)

She possibly took it the wrong way or was having a bad day. This is about her not you OP.

I am though, somewhat curious to know what she's like on a good day

Please update OP

She was rude. You were just trying to offer her some empathy.

If you'd come on and said "there was this really stressed mum at nursery because her child was screaming, but i ignored her, wibu" i bet everyone would be telling you were were thoughtless, mean etc. On mumsnet people always go the opposite way.

Horribly rude.

Reminds me of when a toddler was having a massive meltdown in Sainsbury's and was purple in the face and roaring . People were glaring and wincing. I found myself a while later next to the frazzled-looking mother at the checkout. "We've all been there," I said in a friendly way. She looked at me coldly and said, "This is between my child and I and I never talk over her head to strangers." Okaaaay, then, we mustn't offend child, but you could have just given me a quick smile and that was it.

I have sworn at people "trying to help" when I'm stressed. I'm not proud of it, it is rude and mortifying for ages afterwards. One of those moments you relive and cringe about when you can't sleep. If this happened 7 years ago I would worry that you were talking about me

I'm pretty sure she's mortified once the red rage has faded. Don't let it put you off being supportive in future, you did a nice thing, she wasn't able to accept it and was rude.

She was extremely rude and I feel for you OP as you meant well BUT i think you should expect the odd comment like this if you are going to comment on other people's children. I know you meant well but unless you've been there you will never know how she is feeling. She had a bad day. She's probably feeling dreadful about it (maybe not). Forgive her in your head and get on with it.

You did nothing wrong and she was incredibly rude but mentioning your perfect settle in with your child and 'we have no drama. None at all' at the beginning of the thread sounds smug. It wasn't necessary to include it.

As many have regardless of what is going on she was rude. Ive had days when things are just not good but unless someone is downright rude to me like she was there is no way I would be like that to anyone. I was standing with some food in a queue when a woman w!don't off the deep end at me for looking at her "like that"!!! I am unable (unless fixing a continuous grin) to change how my face falls when I'm not thinking about anything in particular and her child was acting up. Fortunately someone else replied on my behalf and said "your child dosn't have behaviour problems he is out of control and you have no authority" at least it took the heat off me

Went off the deep end (fat fingers)