To not discuss my period with my dh

[Imabanana]

Just that, been married 21 years but I like to keep it to myself. Partly because I don't want him to know the details and partly because I'd hate to be accused of being hormonal if he knew it was that time of the month for me. I have 3 daughters and it's never brought up. It's not a secret or shameful, I'll ask them if they need pads etc it's just not mentioned as part of conversation. I have a feeling that this is unusual. I wondered if any other families are the same?

He probably knows anyway, he can see a tampon string or after sex, etc.

I mention to my husband when I'm having my period, as I have very heavy ones and an irregular cycle, so it dies affect what we do. For example, we enjoy cycling and quite often go for long bike rides at weekends. I can't do that if I'm in thd first few days of mu period as I need to use a loo every hour or so which isn't possible in the areas we usually cycle.

A few years ago I developed a really big fibroid which caused horrendous bleeding, and I ended up having surgery and a week off work. How could I not discuss that with him?

I don't have long in depth conversations with dh about it but I don't not mention it. It would be impossible in our case not to given that it sometimes impacts what we do.

I think it's really sad that the OP feels her husband of two decades will start to be dismissive of her feelings and opinions if he should ever discover that she has her period. It's a bit of a myth that all women 'get hormonal' enough to be distinctly noticeable, and those that do have PMT/PMS don't tend to have behavioural issues at the same time as their period anyway. I can understand that someone who didn't know you might try the 'you are just hormonal' line to dismiss your feelings/argument, but your husband surely knows you well enough to know how you think and feel?

I grew up in a never mention periods household and it was crap. My mum had a totally regular cycle, with light and painless periods and she was utterly unsympathetic when I had very irregular, heavy and painful periods. She thought I was being a drama queen and should just get on with it, and I didn't get proper treatment (plus the pill) until I left home. Many years later when she was put on HRT she got to experience horrible periods herself and was very apologetic. My dd has had recurrent cysts that have been so painful we've been to A&E with her, I would hate it if she felt she couldn't talk to either me or her dad about them, and I also think it's important that her brother is aware that girls/women menstruate and the potential consequences of that.

If it works for you then it's all good! My DP knows it all, I would hate to not be able to share this stuff with him. I do tend to have a few days where I'm more on edge/reactive before it's due and I think it helps for him to know.. It's hormones, there's nothing wrong with it and it DOES have an affect. I do feel more emotional and shit about things. Things bother me that I couldn't give a damn about the rest of the month. So for me it IS best to not take anything I say about certain things as gospel. I'm pretty easygoing so it stands out when I'm ratty! That's just me though. If he was always making a point of saying disparaging things about it though then I probably wouldn't tell him.
We have small kids so only manage sex once a week, so he wouldn't be able to guess when my period is just from that.

You have 3 children, he's clearly seen a lot more of you when you were giving birth? Periods are nothing to be ashamed of. My OH knows when I have mine, he buys me tampons and isn't embarrassed to do so.

My DD is 10 and knows what periods are. I would hate for her to feel ashamed or unable to talk to me about it, I hope I never tell her to "Take some paracetamol and get on with it!"

It has never seemed necessary, would make for a very boring conversation imo.

These are the kind of comments that make me scratch my head.

It's fine if you don't discuss them. However, do people only talk about interesting and exciting things? Don't we all have boring conversations as well as interesting ones with our friends and partners?

That's just fucking rude.
Just because some couples don't want to discuss tampons. shit behaviour etc does not mean the are not close.

You don't like it when the shoe is on the other foot do you?

Sorry, bold fail!

Talking about periods is quite boring. As is discussing unloading the dishwasher or renewing the house insurance. But they are at times necessary conversations.

Amazingly enough, dh and I manage to have lots of interesting conversations in amongst the boring ones.

I'm with you OP. I just keep it completely private. Don't hide tampons or whatever so I guess he knows when it's the time of the month but I'd never discuss it with him!!

I even go as far as not going for number twos when he's at home. I try to wait until he's out. Ridiculous, I know

Not really. When I need to go I need to go, but DH is a bit like you. When we are on holiday DS and I go off for 10 minutes after breakfast so he can go back to the hotel room and do a no 2 in private. He's ok at home but can't go at work for example.

As for periods, I don't tend to discuss mine. And I think lots of men and even other women would say "oh you're being hormonal" if you lost your temper at that time of the month. Probably better than just being an awkward cow for no apparent reason I suppose!

@LassWiTheDelicateAir what a fantastic son you have. I'd be proud if my wee boy grows up to be that considerate.

I stick by my assertion that if someone was likely to be a patronising twat about me having my period, I wouldn't choose to live with them.

Has anyone yet brought up that the time when you are grumpy and unreasonable and the time when you are bleeding is often not the same time?

If I told my partner I was on my period and they said "that's why you're so grumpy then", I'd have to point out that I was grumpy two days ago, and right now I was in pain but only a normal amount of grumpy.

It sounds like more work to cover it up haha, you do you though! x

DH shares his house with me and 4 daughters. 3 of them are adults so there's a fair bit of menstruating in our house.

We 4 all tend to come on at the same time so there's pads in the bins and tampon boxes about the bedrooms for a week or so. And yes, a bit more snappyness and extra choc consumed. You can't really miss it.

We mention it if we're in pain, or - like yesterday - if i'm on my heavy day and i'm flooding right in the middle of doing something (helping move a piece of furniture) and have to quickly nip to the loo. It doesn't hurt him to know what a pain in the arse periods are. I'll say 'oh bugger hang on a minute i've got to dash i'm flooding' rather than ''excuse me while i visit the powder room''

Poo however - i would never in a million years discus my poo with DH! (The only time i've farted in front of him was when i was on fours having DD4. It was very loud! He laughed his head off and so did i. Midwife was It's a running joke - i never fart ).

Is there more to this? I think what is unusual is to ask whether something you've been happily doing for 21 years is unusual? It doesn't matter if it's not what most people do if it's what you're comfortable with.

"I'd hate to be accused of being hormonal if he knew it was that time of the month for me"

I don't see any need for detailed conversations, but I would avoid being accused of being hormonal by not having intimate relationships with anyone who would do it.

Each to their own.

But your getting up quickly and falling asleep before he can initiate sex does sound a bit strange. Hasn't he ever asked you? What about when you thought you were preggers?

Me and dh chat about all kinds of boring shite. he knows when I am on.

We have 2 dds, both started periods at 11 and dh just added more tampax to the weekly shop.

I don't think it's a dinner table discussion but it's not a never mentioned secret.

I did describe a poo to dh a few weeks ago because it was incredibly long. He pretended he wasn't impressed but you could see he was jealous

No, I don't hide my periods from DH. But then he is the type who wants me to be able to tell him anything. I cannot fathom how dignity comes into your partner knowing about your periods. Is a monthly bleed something undignified, degrading and something that makes you a lesser person? I do not think so.

I wish womenfolk would get their self-respect in order. Has to be done before other people can respect them as they truly are. OP, the need to hide stuff from your partner is hardly a healthy attitude and kind of screams of other bigger issues. Sorry if my comments caused any offence.

I don't think there is anything wrong with discussing your period with your partner, I just don't find it necessary to most of the time. And i must admit I am a little at the poster who said her Dh removed her tampon while she was asleep. I mean why?

Also the one saying her Dh picks up her knickers with her sanitary towel covered in blood attached to it. WTF? Why does he have to do that? Why would anyone leave their dirty, used sanitary towel on the floor. Come on! There is being comfortable with your partner, and talking about intimate stuff, and then there is just taking the piss!

This thread has people saying they never discuss any 'bodily stuff' at all, and feel embarrassed by it, and others saying they discuss their bowel movements, the consistency of their period flow, and the colour of their urine, and also that they get hubby to dispose of their (used) tampons etc, (and then there is everyone in between!)

I think everyone is entitled to have the kind of relationship they want, but to discuss your period blobs and the colour of your urine, and the size and consistency of your poo is just weird IMO.

The Op @Imabanana is quite entitled to feel uncomfortable discussing personal and intimate stuff with her DH, but I am a bit worried that she is transferring her worries and hangups to her children.

It hard not to though, so I won't criticise her for it.

All this said, I think the OP's husband probably does know when she is on her period. It last 5 days minimum (usually,) so it would be hard to hide it all that time, if you're living in the same house!

It is also very rude to say if people don't discuss with their partner, how big their last shit was, that they don't have a close relationship!

Upshot is there is nothing inherently wrong with periods, or talking about them, and periods are not 'dirty' or anything to be ashamed of (obviously!) But I just don't see the NEED to discuss stuff like this, in great detail. And don't even get me started on leaving dirty knickers around with used sanitary towels attached to them. Ewwwwwwww.

Also the one saying her Dh picks up her knickers with her sanitary towel covered in blood attached to it. WTF? Why does he have to do that? Why would anyone leave their dirty, used sanitary towel on the floor. Come on! There is being comfortable with your partner, and talking about intimate stuff, and then there is just taking the piss!

Do yourself a favour and read her posts. She has a disability. She has explained why in great detail.

@U2HasTheEdge

Do yourself a favour and read her posts. She has a disability. She has explained why in great detail.

This was not mentioned in the first post where she said it. (That she leaves her knickers lying around with her dirty sanitary towel attached.)

I was responding to what she said initially.

I am not a fan of drip feeding.

@pennysnow

Get a grip. He doesn't have to do it. He does it of his own accord. If you read the thread and understood why I left them on the floor, why did you feel the need to comment in great detail about how "WTF" it is? I also explained that I try not to do it any more, as I don't want him to feel obliged to clean up after me. He has enough to do as my carer already, but kicking them off is a lot easier for me than causing myself a great deal of pain.

As for leaving them lying around - for a few minutes, inside my pants, on a bathroom floor that is regularly washed. Why is that so disgusting? It's not like they're lying around for days, on my living room floor, for all and sundry to come and gawp at.

How would you cope with hearing about what happens to people even more disbaled than I am? Husbands that have to change colostomy bags and wipe arses? I wonder if that's just as WTF to you?

Feels nice to know that I am "EWWWWW" and "taking the piss", though.

I was responding to what she said initially.

As with all threads, it is helpful to read the posts really. Not just a handpicked few.

Huffle I don't have a bin in my upstairs bathroom (I know, I know, MN's sin) so if I'm having a shower I take my knickers off with the pad in and leave them on the floor. After my shower I wrap the pad up and put it in the bin. So gross I know