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Original poster

To not discuss my period with my dh

213 replies

Imabanana · 10/09/2017 11:41

Just that, been married 21 years but I like to keep it to myself. Partly because I don't want him to know the details and partly because I'd hate to be accused of being hormonal if he knew it was that time of the month for me. I have 3 daughters and it's never brought up. It's not a secret or shameful, I'll ask them if they need pads etc it's just not mentioned as part of conversation. I have a feeling that this is unusual. I wondered if any other families are the same?

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 14:40

@Scribblegirl - I hope everything was OK?

Scribblegirl · 10/09/2017 14:43

Oh thanks guys Smile wasn't trying to do a pity party! Waiting for results at the moment.

All I was saying is that I've had to be very open with DP about my cervix, bleeding, recovery, etc and having an open, non-shameful relationship with DP where I'm not embarrassed to discuss my body with him has made this process much easier.

LittleLionMansMummy · 10/09/2017 14:51

Very open about periods with dh. He's had to go out and get me tampons numerous times and he's never been embarrassed about it. He even knows their colour code and which ones I need at any given time. I suppose it's mostly come from the fact that I have pcos so periods have always been a real nuisance - either absent for way too long but with huge amounts of bloating, spotting and general discomfort in between or completely and utterly unreliable in terms of ttc. So my periods have been the subject of much discussion over the years as I have a very sympathetic husband.

FromRussiaWithLove · 10/09/2017 14:55

I'm amazed at the level of detail some couples share! Not in a negative way Smile

In 13 years I've been with my husband I've never farted in front of him. He says I'm wrong and farting is normal.

I even go as far as not going for number twos when he's at home. I try to wait until he's out. Ridiculous, I know.

I don't mention period unless he wants to get busy. Then I say it as it is, can't help being on after all.

I remember needing pads after giving birth but couldn't leave the house so he offered to go get me some. I was most impressed he didn't mind doing so.

Dustbunny1900 · 10/09/2017 15:03

I think it's weird, but not "unreasonable". It's your period and choice , shrug.
Personally I could never keep it from my husband "hey babe lets go on a hike". "Oh fuck that, I'm ragging it hard and I'm having cramps" but then I am totally that "peeing in the same room/hey can you get that zit on my back/TMI type couple"
But is it some big secret you bleed every month ? If he would dismiss you over "hormones" that's concerning

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 15:05

Scribblegirl so sorry to hear this. Hope all will be well soon. your dp is a great support, and exactly what you need. Thanks

A very minor comparison was when I had dd I had a C-section, infection and had to had a drain put in. I could not shower myself properly and dh had to help. The least romantic show in the history of ablutions. But I was so grateful for him.

Huge hugs to you Scribblegirl.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 15:06

shower not show!

Fruitcocktail6 · 10/09/2017 15:10

Ugh I just wrote a long response and it's vanished, but basically I agree with JacquesHammer

If you don't discuss normal bodily functions with your partners then fine, but the sarcastic comments about how dull people's lives are because they talk about periods, poo and whatever else are just bizarre. Our lives don't revolve around them but they are part of life.

Tazerface · 10/09/2017 15:14

If someone tells me I'm hormonal they will feel the sharp side of my tongue.

My DH has seen three babies come out of my vagina, and has been up close and personal with my bits multiple times. I don't go all out to tell him I'm on unless I need to, but it's not a secret. He can normally tell because I leave the little mooncup bag in the bathroom. Or he can tell when I wake up in the night covered in blood Hmm.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 15:14

Huffletuff "I don't expect him to. I don't ask him to." That's clear now but when you first posted you said something like 'How strange' to describe other's attitudes so I felt it was OK to be honest that I found it strange your dh did that for you! Now you have explained you don't expect him to or want him to, it's a bit different. It's still totally up to you but I guess it just shows what we all consider to be normal may just be normal for us. (I hope I did not offend you with my comments, not my intention.) Smile

"ghost poo" what is that? (One that you think is there and is not, or is it like a Ghost chilli and very hot! I guess you are familiar with this

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale

Got to know with this when ds has some problems!

Emma "If only I had the option, open door policy in this bloody house, wee's, poo's the lot." IMHO Unless you have really young kids e.g. pre school, then it is your choice in your own home. You could have a lock on your door and use it.

uncoolnn · 10/09/2017 15:15

Christ I've only been with OH for 12 months but I discuss it even with him Grin

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 15:22

@italiangreyhound

Not at all!

Ghost Poo in our house is a poo that has disappeared without a trace. Nothing in the toilet and nothing when wiping. I'm assuming they are ejected with such force they propel themselves around the U-bend. I've never been lucky enough to have one. Or unlucky enough as the case may be, because I do like to have a gander at what I've produced.

Ahh the stool scale! DS thought it was most amusing at a hospital appointment, so the consultant gave him one on a little credit card, which he keeps in my purse Grin

Fruitcocktail6 · 10/09/2017 15:28

I assumed ghost poo meant when you need a poo but get to the toilet and it's just a fart.

I've never heard of someone doing a poo that left no trace. Are you sure it isn't just a fart?

Original poster
Imabanana · 10/09/2017 15:28

scribblegirl
Actually that is something that concerns me if I did become ill and dependent on dh for any kind of personal care I would find that really upsetting as we keep our bodily functions to ourselves. We never go to the toilet in front of each other but I see it more as respect than prudishness. It could be a generational thing though, my eldest daughter will leave worn knickers on her bedroom floor when her boyfriend of 2 years is coming round. It doesn't seem to bother them but it wouldn't happen in my bedroom . I guess that means I haven't passed on my hangups😂.

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 15:28

Well that's what I asked DH, but he assures me it definitely...came out. I can't see it myself.

morningconstitutional2017 · 10/09/2017 15:32

I would neither hide it or announce it. If any silly comments were made as to being hormonal I'd just reply, "No it's not PMT but you're being a prat. Whatever time of the month it is this 'behaviour/commen't is still annoying." It generally shuts them up especially if accompanied by either a flounce or a death stare.

My MIL apparently became almost murderous each month so I used to believe that DH got a pretty easy ride with me by comparison.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 15:38

Imabanana my dh and I also keep bodily functions to ourselves but when I was ill he was there for me. Hopefully, if ever needed, your dh would do the same.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 16:13

italian- that's the point. It's not that we can't, we just choose not to.

I like privacy. OH likes privacy.
Whether that's having a shit, plucking eyebrows, having some private masturbation time, or just indulging in "alone time" whilst in a relationship.
I am no prude, but I don't particularly want to watch my OH have a horse piss complete with steam.

Graphista · 10/09/2017 17:00

How do you enhance/progress your sex life if you only discuss 'in the moment'? And not when feeling more logical?

Dd wouldn't think twice about asking her dad or male friends to get her sanitary products (though of course she mostly asks me if she can't get herself).

Sad so many of us endo and other gynae issue sufferers. Wishing all that posted about this stuff better health and less pain etc in future.

Hassled · 10/09/2017 17:00

I do see where the OP is coming from. There are many, many times where I've been completely right and DH has been absolutely wrong, but because DH knows I'm premenstrual, I know on some level he's taking me less seriously. It's infuriating. Just because I'm a hormonal wreck it doesn't mean he's less wrong (I do tell him this).

Nuttynoo · 10/09/2017 17:04

I can understand not talking about it to your DH, but you're doing a disservice by not being open about it to your daughters. You need to talk about things like this because if not your daughters won't be comfortable talking to you about other related things (sex, discomfort during periods, bleeding between periods). My cousin died of cervical cancer at 30 because of my idiot aunt being just like you and teaching her that periods were something to be ashamed of.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/09/2017 17:11

We've been together nearly 30 years and if dh started a conversation about the consistency of his bowel movements we wouldn't be celebrating another anniversaryEnvy

Mustang27 · 10/09/2017 17:32

For some "a paracetamol and to get on with it" does nothing. I don't think it's right not to discuss it or to protect our precious fragile men and the more we brush it under the rug the more the stupid "she is just on her period" mindset will be circulated.

If it's working for you great but I hope none of your daughters adopt your take on it especially for their kids.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 17:45

I don't know about you Graphista but my sex life Ian't illogical.

But I echo your thoughts for others on the thread.

Nuttynoo I am so sorry about your cousin's death. How did your aunt influence her death.

DiegoMadonna · 10/09/2017 17:47

Agreed with JacquesHammer. But that's mumsnet for you: a world of one extreme or another.

My OH does not announce it, she barely mentions it because she doesn't get particularly hormonal or anything like that. But I still usually know when she's on, because we are married and live together and so I just kind of know. I think a person would have to make quite a concerted effort for their partner not to have any idea, which is pretty weird.