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Original poster

To not discuss my period with my dh

213 replies

Imabanana · 10/09/2017 11:41

Just that, been married 21 years but I like to keep it to myself. Partly because I don't want him to know the details and partly because I'd hate to be accused of being hormonal if he knew it was that time of the month for me. I have 3 daughters and it's never brought up. It's not a secret or shameful, I'll ask them if they need pads etc it's just not mentioned as part of conversation. I have a feeling that this is unusual. I wondered if any other families are the same?

OP posts:
confused123456 · 10/09/2017 13:09

I'm on the combined pill, so my dh knows I have my withdrawal bleed every 4th week, so yes he knows when it happens. I'm not affected by it at all, I just buy tampons when needed. We don't make a big thing about it, I just say I can't right now, which he knows when my pill free week is anyway.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 13:10

Graphista not everyone feels the need to discuss sex. It doesn't make people closed off. Maybe some would rather do it than talk about it and maybe some fund it not a particularly interested topic. Doesn't mean we are closed.

Absolutely.

OH and I have a very colourful sex life.
We don't tend to discuss sex though.

JustHereForThePooStories · 10/09/2017 13:12

I grew up in a house where periods were never mentioned and even having an ad on tv for sanitary items while my dad was in the room was seen as an embarrassment that was to be avoided at all cost.

I find it quite liberating, with my husband, to be able to flop down on the couch with a sigh citing period cramps, or leave the bathroom without having to smuggle a used pad up my sleeve to deposit in the wheelie bin at the end of the garden instead of just leaving in the bathroom bin to be emptied at the end of the day.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 13:16

I grew up in a house where my mother made a drama out of her periods, she had a lot of pain, clots etc. She would show us her blood pads and call the whole family into the toilet to show us her clots.

I found it disgusting and unnecessary and vowed to spare my own family from turning menstruation into a circus act.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 13:16

Imabanana it's totally fine. I guess like some others I thought everyone had periods like mine until mine changed I'm my late thirties and I started bleeding like a stuck pig.

Until dd was throwing up on day one of her period it hadn't't even occured to me that could happen . I guess I only say it because I want women to support other women and girls and realise that we don't all have the same experience.

Huffletuff why does your husband get to deal with your pad when you kick off your knickers? I find that strange. But each to their own. The rest of the stuff sounds pretty normal.

I don't think it is lucky that a man treat a woman kindly if she in pain. I heard endometriosis is terrible. I've not suffered personally. A relative had it lazered off to aid conception and has told me all the pains etc. You have my sympathy it sounds very difficult indeed. Flowers

reallyanotherone · 10/09/2017 13:18

What would be wrong with being hormonal? My period affects me badly every month and everyone knows about it 😂 it's not something that is a secret

Because I fucking hate having every emotion put down to my period.

Cry at something sad? It's not because it's sad, it's because I'm hormonal. Upset at the way someone treats me? That'll be my hormones, not because, you know, someone is treating me like shit.

All my life I've had my feelings invalidated by my hormones. I've felt pressured to not stand up for myself, or to excuse my emotions with "hormones". There's a tv thread running at the moment, and half the comments are "I cried at x film because I was hormonal"- no, the story is sad, you cried because you were sad, and there's nothing wrong with that. Don't minimise your feelings.

A man is upset and he has a genuine reason to be upset, people listen, and don't dismiss him as hormonal.

Pisses me off.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 13:19

I wouldn't want my OH to deal with my used pads.

I don't wipe his arse either.

EezerGoode · 10/09/2017 13:19

Well I'm middle aged 😩..and ensure my contraption stops my period..(i maybe lucky as I know other women on the same thing without the same effect).. the whole teenage period thing for me ,with mums involvement of the lovely dr whites and no bloody bins in the toilets..ensured I had a terrified anyone would find out feeling,constantly...I applaud all of you who can be so free about it😃

PuppyMonkey · 10/09/2017 13:19

I don't think there's any need to have huge debates around the dinner table about when you're on your period but I think it's very odd living with anyone - not just partners living together but friends sharing etc - and it not coming up ever. has he never, shock horror, come across your san pro stash, or seen the empty packets etc in a bin? I bet he has.

If you're that worried your DH will dismiss you as hormonal if you are open about menstruation, you could always tell him to fuck off.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 13:21

Three weekshuff you poor thing. Sad

ILoveMillhousesDad · 10/09/2017 13:22

OP, I imagine you walking round coquettishly fanning yourself and addressing your husband as 'kind sir'

Judydreamsofhorses · 10/09/2017 13:22

I think it's each to their own, but I can't imagine not mentioning it to my partner. I feel hellish for the first 24 hours so often need a bit of tlc, and in the week before have really painful breasts so even a cuddle can make me wince. Also, yes, the buying tampons/painkillers thing - here it's just the same as DP asking me to pick up shaving gel or deodorant.

mirime · 10/09/2017 13:24

DH would know whether I mentioned it or not. The chocolate craving and sudden inability to pick anything up without dropping it, trying to pick it up again, dropping it again gives it away.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/09/2017 13:24

has he never, shock horror, come across your san pro stash, or seen the empty packets etc in a bin? I bet he has no, I've used a mooncup for years and years. I have never had tampons on display in the bathroom in the same way I wouldn't leave a packet of plasters out.

ferrier · 10/09/2017 13:25

Dp only gets told if sex is on the agenda - It remains on the agenda but it's only fair to warn him of differing circumstances Grin

RaspberryOverload · 10/09/2017 13:26

I made it quite clear to ex near the beginning of our relationship that while I had horrendous cramps and heavy bleeding, I did not get PMT or any hormonal issues. I'll credit him with sense as he never did try to say I was hormonal when I was irritated, etc.

BannedFromNarnia · 10/09/2017 13:28

I talk to my DH about things that go on in my life so yes, we talk about it. He even buys me tampons if it's his turn to go shopping.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 10/09/2017 13:29

I bet you your DH knows anyway. Regularly avoiding sex for a week every month? Come on, he's not stupid!

Mine knows when I'm due and when I'm on. I have endometriosis and get horrific cramps and bleeding every month. He buys me painkillers and tampons, happily gives me cuddles and makes sure he feeds the cats cause the smell of the food makes me sick on my first day!

I don't see the point in hiding it. All women get them - they're a fact of life and some women really suffer. Why not get some support from the closest person in your life if you need it?

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 13:33

reallyanotherone if your hormones don't affect you then that's fine. Mine did, a lot. I cried at things that would not normally make me cry because I had my period. For me it doesn't really matter why I get upset, unless I was attempting to make some life altering decision during my period.

I would not talk to my boss about it or make anything in my professional life as labelled 'down to periods' even though my periods definitely did affect my emotions.

I certainly wouldn't have wanted to look at my mum's pads or keep my period a secret. I guess for me it's a middle path, privacy not secrecy and acceptance not broadcasting!

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 13:34

I talk to my DH about things that go on in my life

Periods? Is that a "thing that goes on in your life"

Don't you get out much?

Loads of things go on in my life that I don't mention to my OH. Changing electricity supplier, being a bit constipated, putting a new cartridge in the printer, buying DD a new school bag.

Some things are too banal to be points of conversation.

Menstruation is in that category.

VioletCharlotte · 10/09/2017 13:38

I think some people are just more private than others and that's ok. My Mum never really talked about her periods, but she told me what I needed to know and that's ok. I'm comfortable about talking about mine if I need to, but I do get a bit bored by the endless conversations about them some women feel the need to have. They're just not that interesting.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/09/2017 13:38

Some things are too banal to be points of conversation I'm with with you on that.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 13:39

Just asked Dh if we should be discussing sex more often. His answer was two-gold!

We should be having sex more often and we should discussing lunch!

formerbabe · 10/09/2017 13:39

I don't discuss my period with anyone. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, there's just nothing to say about it.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 13:41

I don't discuss my period with anyone. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, there's just nothing to say about it.

Yup.