Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

To not discuss my period with my dh

213 replies

Imabanana · 10/09/2017 11:41

Just that, been married 21 years but I like to keep it to myself. Partly because I don't want him to know the details and partly because I'd hate to be accused of being hormonal if he knew it was that time of the month for me. I have 3 daughters and it's never brought up. It's not a secret or shameful, I'll ask them if they need pads etc it's just not mentioned as part of conversation. I have a feeling that this is unusual. I wondered if any other families are the same?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2017 13:44

I don't like the drama of announcing " it's my period, I need to eat chocolate and I may be irrational

Wtf, with all due respect, you've got some major hang ups going on there. I've never made an announcement such as the above. I don't know anyone who has, and if some do, who cares, doesn't mean you have to.

Honestly you've got some major hang ups with periods and I really hope you're not passing them on to your daughters.

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 13:45

why does your husband get to deal with your pads

He doesn't get to deal with them. He does it while I'm in the shower now and again. I guess he thinks he's helping. I've told him that I really don't expect him to do that for me and to leave them for me to sort out but he still does it. He's not squeamish - it's nice that he cares but I now tend to sort it immediately rather than just getting in the shower so he doesn't feel he needs to help.

Also, mine aren't banal and they're definitely a thing that goes on in my life. Don't you get out much?
No, not while I'm on my period. I'm completely bedridden.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/09/2017 13:46

I'm lucky enough to not suffer particularly with my periods so don't feel a need to announce it. It's not an illness and I don't want any special treatment from my family.

I don't hide it, dh will happily put tampax in his Tesco trolley.

To me it's the same as announcing "I'm off for a poo or I've farted" two things I wouldn't broadcast to my family.

ScarletForYa · 10/09/2017 13:47

Same. I don't say anything either.

Cleanermaidcook · 10/09/2017 13:51

I want the chocolate - and i am extra moody (premenapausal) its only fair to give him fair warning haha!
Also if we've not had sex for a few days i'll tell him i'm due so he knows there's going to be a pause there for a few days.
Seriously though i'm not going to hide it, it's a thing, it happens regularly and i'm grouchy and in pain I want sympathy from my partner.

SpottedGingham · 10/09/2017 13:55

DH would know whether I mentioned it or not. The chocolate craving and sudden inability to pick anything up without dropping it, trying to pick it up again, dropping it again gives it away

This.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 13:56

He doesn't get to deal with them. He does it while I'm in the shower now and again.

When I am in the shower I am alone in the room. With the door locked.

Original poster

Imabanana · 10/09/2017 13:59

ILoveMillhousesDad That made me smile, our relationship is more equal than you'd think. I don't try and shield the poor man from periods I just don't think it's any of his business. Those of you saying he must realise one week out of 4 have made me think we're not having enough sex😂. We may go 2 or 3 weeks without but then have lots for a week or so. No strict pattern. I asked on Aibu to get some honest answers to see if we're abnormal and I feel reassured it's not unusual to not mention it unless you have to. All families are somewhere on the continuum from share it all to not mention at all and I'm ok with where I am. Will give thought to the message I'm giving my daughters though, I'm aiming for don't let periods hold you back but need to ensure it's not perceived as don't mention periods if they are giving you problems. Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 14:04

I am quite a sharer. I tell my best friend when I'm on my period. Mostly because we come on a day apart as a rule and we can be miserable together. Or it just comes up when she asks me if I'm ok. With how heavy I am I feel shitty for the first few days.

I am also not at all shy about talking about any bodily functions with my husband. My mum was the opposite and she couldn't pee in front of my dad and they were together for over 20 years. The idea on him hearing her pee was horrible to her. It was how she was brought up.

I went the other way and share most things with my husband and it works for us. He would know even if I didn't tell him because I often flood and my underwear is stained and he does most of the washing.

I also change my tampon and pad in front of him on occasions. Only if he is getting ready for bed at the same time as me. I don't see the point in waiting for him to finish in the bathroom if I'm going to bed at the same time as him. It doesn't bother either of us at all.

Some people are more private. I don't get it personally but I'm sure many people would think I am strange.

formerbabe · 10/09/2017 14:05

My husband knows all the gory details too. He buys me pads, washes my knickers, if I kick off my pants to go in the shower to deal with after, he'll peel my pad off, wrap and bin it

Completely at this. I'd be mortified if anyone did this for me.

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 14:06

When I have a shower I am alone in the room. With the door locked.

I'm not. We don't have a lock on any of our internal doors. Thankfully we are completely comfortable in front of each other, so if he needed something from the bathroom while I was showering, or even needed to use the bathroom if he was desperate, he could get it or do so. It's a complete non issue.

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 14:06

Mortified? Why? Are you embarrassed of your period?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/09/2017 14:08

I've never heard of not being able to pick things up without dropping them as a period symptom. What causes that?

converseandjeans · 10/09/2017 14:09

OP I am probably the same - but not intentionally. I just don't feel the need to discuss with OH. Periods aren't the nicest things in the world, and so no need to talk about it.
huffle I would hate my OH coming into the bathroom while I was in the shower and doing that. I would find it an invasion of privacy. I guess we are all different though and if you don't mind then it's great he is so helpful.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 14:10

Huffletuff what you do is totally your call but locking a door to shower does not mean we are not comfortable with each other. People obviously have different levels of privacy. It doesn't negativity impact the quality of our relationships.

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 14:12

When I am in the shower I am alone in the room. With the door locked.

When I'm in the shower the door is rarely locked and dh might come in if I'm having a shower in the morning to clean his teeth or something. I do the same for him. We both knock though to make sure it's ok.

Different strokes isn't it? Nothing wrong with your husband coming in when you are having a shower and nothing wrong with it if you don't like it.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 14:13

My 19 year old son would not appreciate coming into the bathroom and finding me naked.
My 17 year old DD would not want her father or brother coming into the bathroom finding her naked.

Maybe we are a strange family.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/09/2017 14:14

I would be embarrassed to leave bloody pads on the floor for anyone else to pick up. Just because I am capable of doing it myself and it's not a pleasant thing to deal with.

However, Huffle explains she suffers with crippling endometriosis leaving her incapacitated so she may well need extra support and help.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 14:14

My partner knows because we have sex. He doesn't mind exorcist sex but he likes to go down on me and he doesn't do that if I have my period. So I tell him.

Also,the first day or two I'm in a lot of pain and there's flooding so he notices that I'm pale and necking painkillers.

Why would you hide it? I mean there's a middle ground between bawling it out in Tesco and keep it a total secret.

formerbabe · 10/09/2017 14:16

Mortified? Why? Are you embarrassed of your period?

No but it's private. I wouldn't want anyone to dispose of my used sanitary products...you wouldn't leave used toilet roll on the bathroom floor and expect someone else to dispose of it for you?

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 14:16

My son wouldn't come in when I was showering either. He wouldn't want to. My DH does because he's seen me naked and I'm not bothered by it in the slightest. If you don't like it, that's absolutely fine too.

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 14:18

My teens will come in the bathroom if I'm having a shower to get something. They aren't seeing me naked because the shower curtain is around me. Although they have seen me naked plenty of times but that is a different thread.

My teens don't always lock the door either but we know if the door is closed someone is in there and we just knock.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 14:18

Why can't you,put your pad in the bin when you take your knickers off to get in the shower though. That's gross leaving them in the floor.

Cailleach666 · 10/09/2017 14:18

My son wouldn't come in when I was showering either. He wouldn't want to

But he may not know. Showers are noisy, but the drying process pretty silent.

DearMrDilkington · 10/09/2017 14:18

I'm the complete opposite, dp gets regular updates on how heavy/light my flow is and he regularly buys me tampons.

If I have to put up with it every month then so should he!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Swipe left for the next trending thread