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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother and SIL am I being U to say no

269 replies

RedSunflowers · 08/09/2017 16:34

I've had to NC because this could definitely out me....
Ok so really not sure if I'm U, I don't think I am but I want to make sure before this potentially turns into a huge family argument.
My DS and my nephew are in the same class in year 1, we had an email at the end of term (July) to inform us that KS1 would be coming out from now on at 3:30 instead of 3:40, me and other parents that I know had to adjust working hours to do this pick up time (I only had to change one day as the two other days I work I finish at lunch)... My DB and DSIL have a habit of leaving everything to the last minute and if I'm being honest she leaves near enough all sorting out of the children to him, he works in an office and she WFH. Today he picked DN up from mine (as I had collected him three times this week as they finished abit earlier to resettle them in and I didn't mind helping out) and he said to me I need to ask you a favour but I'll call you over the weekend as I'm in a rush. Now I KNOW I just KNOW that he is going to ask me to collect DN with DS everyday and wait for him to get there, this will mean everyday waiting around for him for 10minutes. AIBU to say no? I don't mind helping out every now and then even once or twice a week or something but I don't want to be tied down to this arrangement 5 days a week for the whole of KS1, I'm pregnant and will have a newborn aswell by the end of the year and I don't want this pressure everyday. If you think I'm not BU then how do I say it without causing an argument as I don't want to fall out, we help each other out with the kids frequently.

OP posts:
plantsitter · 08/09/2017 16:36

yanbu. You might need to be quite assertive about it though ;)

Pengggwn · 08/09/2017 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RedSunflowers · 08/09/2017 16:37

No I think he will ask me to wait at the school till the original 3:40ish as he finishes work at 3:30 and works around the corner.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 08/09/2017 16:39

I would say no too. But then I don't generally do stuff like that for anyone. Can't stand the extra responsibility / pressure every day.

TheNoseyProject · 08/09/2017 16:40

Yanbu but it'll be hard not to get into a row.

Crunchymum · 08/09/2017 16:41

10 minutes for a few days wouldn't faze me in the slightest. Make sure they know it's not a 'forever favour' though.

Although the WFH parent can rejig their times surely ?? How far away so they live?

plantsitter · 08/09/2017 16:41

Would you mind heading home with him and your brother meets you on the way/picks him up from yours? Or is it the regular commitment that bothers you (and I wouldn't blame you)?

Ginmakesitallok · 08/09/2017 16:42

I would - it's only 10 minutes!

LaurieFairyCake · 08/09/2017 16:42

Isn't it practically 3.40 by the time you've put the coats on, packed the bags, chatted to people and exited?

plantsitter · 08/09/2017 16:42

TBH I'd be tempted to store up favours for when you do have a newborn...

NoCapes · 08/09/2017 16:43

"I really don't want to commit to anything like that when I'll have a newborn in a few months/weeks, you'll have to sort something else out"

GreenTulips · 08/09/2017 16:43

Well why cant SIL collect?

10 mins is ok in the summer but a pain in the winter

Say no, tell him with a baby on the way you can't be relied on and you have things to be getting on with

Is there an after school club?

chooselove · 08/09/2017 16:44

Yanbu, it wud b v.unfair of him to expect you to do it everyday, tell him & make it clear from the start that you Can't do it, it's not your Problem!

Helping out the odd day is v different to helping full time! Don't worry about it, he mightn't even ask & if he does Put you & your family needs first💕

HardcoreLadyType · 08/09/2017 16:44

I don't mind helping out every now and then even once or twice a week or something but I don't want to be tied down to this arrangement 5 days a week for the whole of KS1, I'm pregnant and will have a newborn aswell by the end of the year and I don't want this pressure everyday.

^^^^ This is what you say.

MadMags · 08/09/2017 16:45

Loads of people are going to tell you that it's no big deal and you could help out. But I wouldn't take on responsibility for every single school day for the whole year.

OfficerVanHalen · 08/09/2017 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wizzywig · 08/09/2017 16:46

Do a swap? He does some of yr school drop offs and you do some of his pickups

kaytee87 · 08/09/2017 16:47

If it's only ten minutes then I would do it to be honest

RestingBitchFaced · 08/09/2017 16:49

Even if you do agree to do it, what happens if your dc is ill/off school for some reason or someone else is picking them up for you? (When your in hospital with new baby for example) They need to consider this

lljkk · 08/09/2017 16:50

Could he do a swap, take your DS in the mornings to school? That would make it worthwhile.

BackieJerkhart · 08/09/2017 16:50

His options are

  1. finish work earlier
  2. his wife comes and collects child
  3. change nothing and get someone else to inconvenience themselves for his easy life.

Hmm. Sounds like he needs that spelled out to him. He has chosen the least effort on his part option.

5rivers7hills · 08/09/2017 16:51

I'd do it actually. 10 mins, for your brother.

Anecdoche · 08/09/2017 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FetchezLaVache · 08/09/2017 16:53

I'd do it, because as Laurie says pick-up can easily take ten minutes anyway, BUT I'd be making it quite clear that you see this as a series of favours that you WILL be calling in once the baby arrives.

Btw if it's more convenient for you to head straight home with DN than to hang around at school, do that - sod DB, you're doing him a favour and he can either get his arse to yours or make alternative arrangements.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 08/09/2017 16:53

I wouldn't want to do this either. It means hanging around with a new born and two children, hail, rain or snow. If it were just in an emergency ok but not an ongoing commitment through the year.

If you don't drive you're standing out in all weather and even if you do drive you've double the hassle getting two children into their costs, checking they have their belongings and so on before piling them into the car to wait for him.

Seriously if DB does the "it's only ten minutes" tell him to negotiate with his employer to take a shorter lunch/get in 10 mins earlier in the morning and collect dc himself.