MIL - somehow we've upset her.

[JakeBallardswife]

I think it must say I am being unreasonable but I do need a rant on here rather than to DH who I think is really surprised with MIL's behaviour.

MIL very kindly looked after the DC's this weekend at our house whilst we were away at a wedding. Often my parents help with childcare but MIL had previously indicated that she's really like to have them so when we got the invite through 6 months ago we asked her and she agreed to have them.

She was going to come to our house approx 2 hour drive from hers on the Friday, spend the day with us and then we could take her and DC's out to dinner on Friday and then we go on Saturday morning and come back on Sunday lunchtime. The plan was that she'd then stay with us until Monday when she could go home if she wanted or stay as long as was wanted.

However she actually came on Saturday morning as she said she was tired and wanted a rest before she came to us, this was ok as we just delayed our leaving time. Not a particular issue, we did miss the ceremony bit of the wedding but not a huge issue as we'd never confirmed times with her. But on our way home on Sunday DS called to say that MIL wanted to go home and were we close because she was on her way out the door!

MIL did leave without us being home, we were only about 20 mins away but it was 2pm on Sunday, not late and around the time we'd planned to be home. We called her and asked if she needed anything as we were close to home and said did she want to stay until we got back and she said no. 'What was the point'.

Somehow, I feel we're managed to upset or annoy her but I can't for the life of me think how. Either that or she's not feeling very well. I've sent her some flowers to say thank you for having the DC's over the weekend, so hopefully they will cheer her up. But it is all a little odd.

Do you think she just found it a bit much if she is not used to looking after your DCs?

Is she normally a difficult or obtuse type of person? My parents would always ask to have my kids when they were little then huff and puff and be in a bad mood when we arrived to collect the kids. It's weird behaviour.

How old are your kids? Have they got any ideas?

What are the ages of the children?

Are you saying that she left your children alone? How old are they?! Does she have form for this sort of behaviour? I think I'd be quite irritated, you are behaving with admirable calm.

How old are kids? If younger than 12 I was say she was V unreasonable.

How old are the DC?

What, she just walked out of the house and left your DC alone before you got home?? Even if they're teenagers that's more than a little odd.

How old are your DC?

I'd be furious that she'd left the children home alone, and I certainly wouldn't have sent flowers. Clearly she can't be trusted to look after them - I'd make other arrangements next time.

I would be furious about her leaving my children alone! How old are they?

How and when did she change the plan to arriving Sat morning?

How old are the DC? Is she usually a nice, reasonable person?

And more to the point- are they usually nice, reasonable kids? I'd be wondering what mine had done in your case, but my oldest can be vile if the mood takes her.

She fucked of before you got back leaving the kids alone, not knowing if you would be delayed in those 20 minutes and you sent her flowers?

Can the children shed any light on it ?
Although she was already in a funny mood before she arrived by the sound of it.
It's a bit off leaving before your return , I assume the kids are old enough.

How old are the children?

I'd be annoyed with her and confused as she indicated to you that she wanted to be involved in childcare then has acted like she doesn't want to. I'd ask her what the problem was.

I'd go further and say you took the 'arriving late for the wedding' bit MUCH better than I would have!

Surely she knew that she was coming so that you could go to a wedding? They generally have a fixed start time! Leaving early (depending on the time and age of the children) is less heinous in my opinion. (though for some reason I am imagining kids old enough to cope with 1h alone - though it would still be strange she didn't tell you).

How old are the dc?

I'd be somewhere between pretty pissed off and about to go NC depending on how old your DC are.

It does sound a bit strange.
A couple of things to mull over.
Is she used to looking after children or could she have been overwhelmed ?
Is this normal behaviour?

Either way it is no excuse.
Could she be ill ? Or is she old ? I say this carefully as many older people can manage but some do tire easily..

DC's are 13 and 10. I've been through hell and back with her moods over the years and I've practically moved onto the moral high ground. Calm and slightly detached is the only way to be that and smothering her with kindness. It deflates so many situations.

She's also used to her other GC who is a very compliant 3 year old. Mine are a little edgier but totally adore her, if she's playing ball. It seems from their comments she was a tired and irritable.