To ask, if you had started having sex (consensual) at a very young age, how do you feel about it now?

[BaDumShh]

This is something I've thought about a few times, and the idea for this thread has just been inspired by another thread from a mner who was horrified to hear her 12 year old DD's friends talking about having sex.

Me and my friends didn't start having sex until the ages of around 16-18, but I remember there were quite a few kids in my school who were very open about the fact that they were having sex from year 7/8, so around 12-13 years old.

I've always wondered how those people feel about that now they are in adulthood. Do they regret having sex so young? Did they even enjoy it or want to do it? Or did they feel they had to in order to be popular?

So, anyone on here who was willingly having sex, say, under the age of 15...how do you feel about it now?

My 9 year old knows the mechanics of sex. He thinks it's vile He asked, I'm not one to lie.

I was 22 - also very sheltered strict upbringing. At age 5-6 a childhood friend used to initiate a pretend sex game which i realised later was probably something she imitated after seeing a young uncle have sex. Im not sure if this traumatized me about sex or not. Or the catholic sex is bad thing.

Meant 2 say "the catholic 'sex is bad' thing"

Appleblossom that seems like a spectacularly ridiculous thing to say/ask/imply.

50,000 years of humanity seem to have worked out "what to do" without the need of images.

People posting here are all over the age when hormones have taken hold not prepubescent children.

I was just turned 14, and my bf was just about to turn 14. We were together for 7 years before adulthood made us go on our separate ways - but yes I think I was too young. In fact, even though I was in a happy and secure relationship with the same guy for all those years, I think it's still affecting me to this day. I was too young emotionally and physically.

I was 15, not far off 16. I wasn't pressured into it and I don't feel like I have any regrets, it just wasn't what I expected. I stayed with him until I was 18 (long distance relationship) and then I met my DH. I have only slept with 2 men.

Like PP though, I just wish I had a better relationship with my mum, so I could talk about it beforehand. That's something I'd definitely ensure with my own DC.

I was almost 14. I was in a really bad place in my teens due to circumstances at home. I really regret it and was detached from myself at the time. I have good relationships now, I just wish I hadn't done it early and with people I didn't want to be with

I was 14. 2 months before 15. Boyfriend was also 14.
We stayed together for 2 and a half years.

I didn't really feel any different, I sort of thought 'is that it?'.

I know technically I couldn't consent at that age, and neither could he, but I'd definitely call it consensual compared to my future 'sex life', being exploited and sold for drugs and debt money at 17 by one group of guys, and plied with drugs and alcohol and used by another group of of men.

That's always something to look out for, exploitation is rife these days. I had feelings for the main man who did this to me, and for one in the 2nd group, this made it possible for them to get what they wanted out of me, and I just wanted them to genuinely like me tbh. One of these guys had known me since I was 14, suddenly proposing his 'idea' a few years later - a few months after my release from a psychiatric hospital after being sectioned, being kicked out of my familial home and going to stay in a hostel, and my drug use reaching peak levels. I highly doubt it was just a coincidence. It's hard though, because I still want to stick up for these men, sometimes. I do seem to be an easy target and they were some messed up times for me. "I knew when I first saw you, you would be perfect" takes on a grim tone now, years later.

Sorry. Forgive the outpourings

I was 14 and so was he. We'd been 'together' for a year or so but no great love story. I knew we'd break up soon and was very curious about sex. He was keen and so kind and gentle that he seemed like a safe person to experiment with. He was so sweet he told his mum afterwards and she came to my house to check I was ok .

No regrets at all. I went on to have some great experiences (with boys within a couple of years of my age) over the next few years before meeting my DH aged 19. I think I would have regrets if I'd waited longer and only ever slept with DH.

We were both 17, had been together about 1/2 a year. After more years of dating, we married and have been together coming on 24 years total now. No regrets

This thread is a depressing and worrying read. No wonder the lines are so blurred today about consent etc. That footballer is serving time for sexual relations with a 15 year old in his car and yet most of you are saying you don't regret it. I would be horrified if my dds started having sex as young as some if you lot! Wouldnt you be horrified if your daughters did the same??

No lethal (although I was 16 so slightly different) but I would be if it was to a,significantly older, adult who had spent time setting up the situation like it was with me.

Age makes a difference, intent makes a difference, understanding makes a difference. It's also quite different now than it was 15/20/30 years ago.

And would you be ok with a young daughter having 'consensual ' sex?

If it was in a positive relationship with a young man in his teens and I felt she was informed and sensible, I don't think I'd be that worried. It's not exactly as if I can stop it. Look at abstinence only sex ed programmes for teens in America, or the teen pregnancy and STD rates amongst teens iinvolved with the silver ring pledge.

Teens experiment sexually. That's the reality. Denying it and shutting down communication just leaves them more vulnerable.

How can a twelve year old be 'sensible' enough to make a decision that can impact her whole future negatively?

This thread isn't just talking about twelve year olds. It's talking about teens - 13-15. I guess I was thinking about my daughter being the age I was when I started experimenting which is 14.

Twelve is slightly different, I'd agree. Maybe that's the issue with this thread. I've said before - there's a huge gap between 12 and 16 and maybe we're all thinking about slightly different ages.

To be perfectly honest, I'd still be very upset if my sixteen year old was having sex while I would be absolutely horrified to learn my twelve year old was having sex.

Well, according to at least a couple of the websites I just googled, sixteen is the age at which the average Brit loses their virginity, so there's a fairly high chance that your daughter will be having sex in her teens, no matter how you feel about it.

Lethal

My parents were shocked and very angry to find out I had been having sex. Obviously they voiced their extreme displeasure, but they also put me on the pill to prevent an even bigger problem. I don't think they knew how to handle it, and were worried that no matter what they did, I would still find a way.

Informed, freely chosen sex yes.

I think this thread has illustrated very well that many people have sex under those criteria at a young age and do not regret it at all.

Disordered thinking of some nature is where problems start. Either in the mind of the child or an outside influence be it adult or child.

We are not our children's keepers we are their guardians. It is up to us to arm them with what they need to make good choices not to impose our choices onto them. A person's sexual experience is their domain and theirs only. Even parents don't get to trample over thst part of a life. Informed and freely chosen means it's up to them.

I was 16 and my BF was 18, we'd been together 5 months and the relationship lasted just under 2 years til I went to uni. I have no regrets as we used condoms and the pill, it didn't hurt, neither set of parents was bothered and it was a nice experience. Most girls I knew at school - where I went for VI form- seemed to lose it between 16-18. We discussed it lots and were all v supportive of each other! I did feel part of the pack but I was ready in myself and my more experienced BF went by what I said I was ready for so I didn't feel pressured.

I'm now quite sexual as an adult and probably learnt a few lessons about feelings, better sex and the nuances of relationships and not quite relationships at uni and in the years after. The experiences that left me feeling used and vulnerable and which have messed with me came at about 24- early 26. I had a couple of messy years in general. I'm 27 now and Iove my sex life and l am a lot steadier but still worry about being used - based on those experiences. I don't regret losing my virginity; I regret being a comparatively old and experienced fool.

Trample over really?

Would you say the same if they wanted to drop out of school? Eat nothing but junk food every day?

I was a week shy of 15 when I lost mine, long term boyfriend of a year. No regrets but I do look at 14 year olds now and shudder a little, especially when my cousin turned that age. From a 'grown up' perspective, it does seem terribly young.

I was 15 and my boyfriend was 17. It was a nice experience with someone who cared about me. Definitely not the most earth shattering sex of my life but we all have to learn somewhere.

Yes. I was 14 and basically went for the beautiful 18 year old I lost my virginity to... no regrets. Such a good summer, and then he went off to uni. I still think about him now occasionally and I'm with DH and in my sixties.