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Original poster

To ask, if you had started having sex (consensual) at a very young age, how do you feel about it now?

213 replies

BaDumShh · 03/09/2017 20:06

This is something I've thought about a few times, and the idea for this thread has just been inspired by another thread from a mner who was horrified to hear her 12 year old DD's friends talking about having sex.

Me and my friends didn't start having sex until the ages of around 16-18, but I remember there were quite a few kids in my school who were very open about the fact that they were having sex from year 7/8, so around 12-13 years old.

I've always wondered how those people feel about that now they are in adulthood. Do they regret having sex so young? Did they even enjoy it or want to do it? Or did they feel they had to in order to be popular?

So, anyone on here who was willingly having sex, say, under the age of 15...how do you feel about it now?

OP posts:
Jivebunny89 · 03/09/2017 21:50

I was sexually active with another girl aged 12-13. I thought we were experimenting, but in hindsight she was very manipulative and would emotionally blackmail into me sleeping over at hers. She obviously had a few insecurities she wanted to take out on me. After a year I just stopped visiting her house. A few years later I told the rest of our friendship group about it, to mixed reactions. We drifted apart, as I got older and realised that I had been used, and I didn't really consent to most of it.

It all bothered me greatly, as I was not emotionally mature for it, and wish my first sexual experience was with someone I actually wanted to be with.

Despite that early start, I didn't have my first kiss with a boy until I was 18, and was 25 when I had my first PIV sex. I'd say that the former experience just made me more careful about who I formed relationships with, and I was happy to stop seeing a guy as soon as something didn't feel right, after the first or second date. I've had a pretty drama-free adult love life all in all. :)

Composteleana · 03/09/2017 21:51

I'd had other sexual experiences before, but first full PIV sex was at 15 (just turned that week) with then boyfriend who was 16. I didn't have particular feelings for that boyfriend and did it because I thought everyone else was doing it and I wanted to lose my virginity. My best friend did it with her boyfriend (my bfs best friend!) on the same night, we planned it which looking back is all a bit odd. I don't feel bad about it now particularly, although the deed itself was awkward and painful and I remember feeling a bit shaky afterwards. I wish I'd perhaps done it for better reasons but it's not like I spend much time thinking about it.

The second person I slept with, still at 15, was 25 and looking back I feel a bit skeevy about that. I wasn't as grown up as I thought I was and actually it was all quite horrid.

Everyone since then - some lovely and some awful/mistakes - I just chalk up to experience and life's rich tapestry :)

My now best friend started having sex at 12. I find that really quite shocking but she has no regrets.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/09/2017 21:51

Mine was young to an adult at the time I was grown up and cool looking back I was groomed and raped by a disgusting predator

Chasingsquirrels · 03/09/2017 21:54

I was 14.
I feel fine about it, it was a good experience in a reasonably long term relationship. I enjoyed it, and continued to do so.

My ds1 is the same age - the thought horrifies me!

OnMyShoulders · 03/09/2017 21:56

I was 14 and it was with my 17 boyfriend. Not a serious relationship at all and I do regret it now as it was a pretty grim experience. I was quite naive and he was doing it before I even knew what was going on. It was somewhere horrible and I remember feeling in shock going home on the bus. My mum wasn't around growing up and although I lived with my dad, we didn't really get on, much less talk about sex. With no adult/older sister etc to guide me, I learnt about sex and relationships the hard way, making lots of mistakes and becoming accidentally pregnant at 16 along the way. I have daughters of my own now. My eldest daughter is nearly 16 and has worryingly low self esteem, so I am working hard to help her get her head around this and issues such as consent and have supported her through decisions about contraception etc.

OnMyShoulders · 03/09/2017 21:57
  • 17 year old
LightDrizzle · 03/09/2017 21:57

I was 14 and lucky, I have no regrets. I was 16 before I revisited the experience with my first serious boyfriend.

WhoresDoeuvres · 03/09/2017 21:58

My ex's had sex young.. first one had it at 14 with a woman aged about 23 (he says it was consensual and he enjoyed it), second one was aged 13 with a girlfriend the same age.

Both are very sexually active and have a tendency to cheat on their partners, but I think that's more likely to be the result of their personality type. I don't think you could link it back to the age they lost their virginity, particularly.

I was 15 and felt a strong urge to get it out of the way with my first boyfriend, who was 17. Cried a lot afterwards, had some bad pelvic pain and thought I'd die from an STI. I'm still fairly anxious about sex and STIs in general.

user1497863568 · 03/09/2017 21:58

I was 14, almost 15. I didn't go on to have loads of partners - I've been with my husband since I was 19 so 21 years. I regretted it massively for a while in my early twenties - a combination of intense religious guilt and the guy ( 16) turned out to be a bit of a jerk who was into porn (as I suspect most boys are at that age). Now I'm more accepting of it and neither regret it nor celebrate it.

Garliccalamari · 03/09/2017 22:13

I don't regret it and I wouldn't recommend it.

I was 13 and he was 17. We were together for six months when it happened and stayed together for a couple of years after that. He didn't coerce me in any way and I still remember him fondly and wish him well.

I chose to have sex because I didn't like the stories how the first time was going to be terrible and oh so important romantically. I had been assaulted at 11 years old and really I just wanted to get it all over with in a situation that I controlled and I guess that I was curious as well. They maybe were the wrong reasons but I felt, and I still feel, that it was my body and therefore my choice, whatever the reasons, and nobody elses. For me at that time it was the right choice. I needed that control to move on from my bad experience.

I wouldn't recommend it because I truly think that you cannot decide for someone else. My reasons were a bit grim although I wouldn't change it. I would hope that if I ever have a DD she will have sex because she is passionately in love with that person at that time. I just needed the extra step. I hope that she won't need it.

I'm 38 now and looking back every first time in a new relationship was special for me. More so than the actual first time. I don't feel that I missed something.

Swingingsusie · 03/09/2017 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillBrysonsBeard · 03/09/2017 22:18

I was 23 so can't speak for me, but DP was 14 and regrets it. He had fun but thinks he was too young. He looked so young at that age, like a little kid.

Saracen · 03/09/2017 22:25

I wasn't all that young, but my first experience was not nearly as consensual as I thought it was. I do regret that occasion. I wish I had understood more about consent.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 03/09/2017 22:28

I was 15, my 2 closest friends were 14. None of us regret it. We were all sensible and safe, knew what we were getting into and wanted to find out what it was like. No coercion or manipulation involved. In a way it would have been nice if my first time had been with my first long term boyfriend, but the end of that relationship was so hard, I think it would have been harder if he'd been my first sexual partner as well, and at the time I was glad I'd done it before as it gave me more confidence. Neither of us really knew what we were doing as it was. I would be happy for DD to do the same provided that she knows where she stands emotionally with the boy - is it a ONS or a relationship - and is on the same page; is confident to insist on a condom; has the support of close friends; and is doing it because she wants to, not to impress anyone or to please a boyfriend.

Oldie2017 · 03/09/2017 22:28

I had graduated and none of my children has had sex until university at least. I'm not sure why. May be it depends on the age of puberty. My mother was 10 when her periods started. My daughter was 14 - that is a massive difference for a start just between individuals. Mind you I was having orgasms from about age 10 so I was certainly not not thinking about sex.

HungerOfThePine · 03/09/2017 22:36

I did as a teen and not really for the right reasons, not sure how to put it..was with older men who probably shouldn't have even looked twice at me.

My older teen dsis was left in charge and had some kids we knew from the area round. I was 8 or 9, nothing really did happen but mostly because no one knew how, except her. fucked up

I would go bananas if it was my dc.

HappenedForAReisling · 03/09/2017 22:57

15 to a 29 year old.

Looking back I think WTAF?!

burntoutmum · 03/09/2017 23:13

I was 16, boyfriend was 19. We were very naive, tried for a baby. Have no idea how I didn't get pregnant ( thank God I didn't!!) as I've since gone on to have 2 children who were conceived in the first month of trying.

My DS is nearly 14, I can't believe he's coming towards the age of this sort of thing Shock

Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 23:30

This is a scary thread for me, with DDs aged 8 and 5. The thought of them having sex at 12 is very scary! That's far too young!

sweetkitty · 03/09/2017 23:47

My DD1 is 13 now and still likes to play with her dolls.

I was 19 and with my now DH

Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 23:51

I agree with the PPs saying that it's awful how many of the posters on here were manipulated or coerced by much older men. It really worries me because of my DDs and their friends. It's very scary.

Moonflower12 · 03/09/2017 23:58

I was 14 and he was just 16. We are still together, 35 years later!

cantthinkofabloodyname · 04/09/2017 00:16

I had sex for the first time when I was 14. I can clearly remember saying to him "well that's (virginity) over with now". I don't think I really knew what to say afterwards, so I just said that. We weren't really a couple, just a couple of friends who were curious about sex.
We didn't really see much of each other after that as we lived about 30 miles apart. So I wasn't interested in having sex for a few years after, even though I had a boyfriend in the meantime. I told him that I wasn't going to make that mistake again. Needless to say the relationship didn't last.
I met my DH when I was 17 and we took it slowly at first. We are celebrating 25 years together this year & I can happily say that I have only ever had 2 sexual partners.

Theycalledmethewildrose · 04/09/2017 00:20

I was 22 but I am now in my forties.

Are those who lost their virginity at a young age in their twenties? thirties?

Some of the stores are so grim that I already worry for my own children :-(

Vermillionrouge · 04/09/2017 00:30

I was 15 with boyfriend the same age. He initiated it. We stayed together until we went to uni. Looking back I don't think it was a bad experience but with 20:20 hindsight I was too young for that intensity of relationship.

My DD is the same age and is definitely not ready.