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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
2littlemoos · 02/09/2017 18:13

I would ask the parents why. Very unususal. How old are the DC?

giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/09/2017 18:13

Yep YABU.

Kids shouldn't have devices while trying to get to sleep.

2littlemoos · 02/09/2017 18:13

Unusual* !

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2017 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:14

They were aged between 9 and 11.

I agree devices should not normally be in a bedroom, but I think it's different when away from home.

OP posts:
SilverdaleGlen · 02/09/2017 18:14

Is it a smart phone? I wouldn't want my DC to have unsupervised access to one on a sleepover. He could ask if he wanted to call you YABU

SweetLuck · 02/09/2017 18:14

I think it's a perfectly good thing for the parents to do, to stop messing about online, looking up porn etc. Why would your son need to contact you in the middle of the night Confused he's not going to call his mum for a chat st 2am is he? If there's an emergency I'm sure the parents will give him the phone back.

jaseyraex · 02/09/2017 18:14

Does it matter if they were going to bed anyway? Why does he stay over if he finds it stressful? I'm sure if at any point he said he wanted to call or text his parents no one would have stopped him.

2littlemoos · 02/09/2017 18:14

giant is right. But I would still not he happy if my DC's phone was removed. It depends on how well I know the parents.

Perhaps the DC were up really late and not sleeping because of it.

Sirzy · 02/09/2017 18:14

I think taking the phones makes a lot of sense. So many problems could occur by them having them with them compare to any "risk" of not.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:15

I didn't ask, Francis - I didn't think for a moment they would insist a phone was handed over.

OP posts:
Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:16

He stays over because he wants to be part of things, but it does make him pretty anxious. He didn't have the wifi code so couldn't have accessed the internet. The only thing I can think of was them being concerned about the camera/video but seems a bit draconian.

OP posts:
DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 18:17

I don't think you are. I'd be very annoyed at someone else effectively undermining my decision to give my child a phone. I'd be ringing the parent about it but I'm a mouthy cow.

ferrier · 02/09/2017 18:17

They can access internet via mobile data ....

giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/09/2017 18:18

If your spme is os uncomfortable with sleep overs that he either (a) needs a phone as a comforter or (b) couldn't possibly let an adult know he'd like to call/talk to you then don't send him!

Have you forgotten that we all managed all of this perfectly fine without mobile phones when we were that age???

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:18

Not if they haven't got any mobile data left, ferrier Smile

But that's beside the point: dragons has explained my feelings on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:19

We didn't manage perfectly fine though, did we?

I had some miserable sleepovers.

No way would DS wake someone else's parents at midnight to ask to use the phone.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 02/09/2017 18:19

We don't allow the kids to have phones in their bedrooms overnight. The rule doesn't change on a sleepover, but the parents should have let you/DS know beforehand.

I don't want them on their phones all night, they sleep little enough on sleepovers as it is.

Sirzy · 02/09/2017 18:21

Presumably you pre warned the parents how anxious he was?

DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 18:22

I'm unsure why there's anguish over them not sleeping when on a sleepover. No one sleeps at a sleepover, it's pretty well known. Don't have a sleepover if you have an issue with that.

TanginaBarrons · 02/09/2017 18:22

Interesting that this is so divisive. We managed on sleepovers without phones in the 80s - I always take visiting kids phones away at bedtime and tell the kids to let me know if they need anything in the night.

When my DS was 7 his bf brought a tablet and looked up "pretty naked ladies" on their sleepover. You can imagine what they saw. Much more risk in terms of exposure to inappropriate content - and yes they can get that via 3/4g.

ragged · 02/09/2017 18:22

I don't see how a phone will prevent a miserable sleepover. Wouldn't it be the height of uncool to ring your parents & demand to be taken home at 2am or whatever? Talk about admitting to everyone very publicly that you're a wimp. Most kids would suffer thru regardless.

Sounds like the host parents wanted a SleepOver not a WakeOver.

BackieJerkhart · 02/09/2017 18:23

I have a no devices in bedroom rule and my so. (12) leaves his phone downstairs at night. He has a friend sleepover a few weeks ago and I didn't feel I could ask the friend to leave his phone downstairs so i let my DS have his too as it didn't seem fair not to. Well, it was around 4am when they eventually went quiet. Phone alerts and vibrations going off all fucking night, every few minutes. Also them playing different videos and memes to each other. I asked them to turn phones off or down which they did but you could hear the vibrations and then the giggling and discussing of whatever they had texted each other. I was really quite pissed off and decided that next sleepover I will insist on no phones in bedroom.

TanginaBarrons · 02/09/2017 18:23

And if sleepovers make you so miserable without phones, maybe best to wait until older. When I had miserable sleepovers as a kid I waited until I was mature enough to go again.

Jamhandprints · 02/09/2017 18:24

After reading some awful stories about esafety there's no way I'd let a bunch of older children alone with any devices like that. I can see how you feel though cos you know he can be trusted with it. But perhaps the other children couldn't?