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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 02/09/2017 18:30

Storm in a teacup.
It wasn't unreasonable of the host parent to take the phones.
I wouldn't think for a moment that I shouldn't. (I haven't been in this position yet but I would expect to have a no phone in room for my child)

You say he didn't have the wifi password, but among the group the host child might have it, or another might have looked at the router for it. Some kids do.

I'd have been far more cross if he'd come home having watched something or did so on another child's phone.

You made a mistake not to tell the other parent you wanted him to keep his phone. She made a mistake not to tell you she'd remove them. But neither of you made a mistake because you just didn't consider the obvious... phones away was obvious to her, keeping phones obvious to you.

Just accept there was a mistake, let it go. And praise your son for managing without his comfort blanket.

KickAssAngel · 02/09/2017 18:30

I'm a teacher.

I've known of kids texting all night, watching porn and even making 'funny' rape threats to their friends. You'd be amazed at how very out of control they can get when left alone with a phone. Even the most sensible of all sensible children ever can make ridiculously bad judgements with friends egging them on at 4 am.

So, I either remove phones, or remain 'present' - doing jobs upstairs, doors open, popping in to chat, until I am sure that everyone is asleep.

traffordtimes · 02/09/2017 18:30

I would ask the parents why. Very unususal.
No, not unusual - I'm surprised anyone wouldn't be able to understand the parents reasoning, even if they don't themselves have a no phones after lights out rule.

Floralnomad · 02/09/2017 18:31

I think it's perfectly reasonable to take the electronics if that's the rule they have , if your son wanted to contact you he could have asked the hosts . I can't see what the fuss is about for children aged 9-11 , if they were away with school / cubs they wouldn't have phones .

Sirzy · 02/09/2017 18:31

I think you need to look at him having an electronic device as a comfort blanket really - that doesn't seem healthy for a young person to be so needy of their phone one night without it in a safe environment is such an issue

stargirl1701 · 02/09/2017 18:31

Gosh, I would be shocked if children were left with a phone in a bedroom overnight. Surely, he should be able to ask the host to phone home, if needed. If not, he may not yet be ready for sleepovers.

I guess it highlights an issue that should be clarified beforehand. Lesson learned? Check phone policy before agreeing to a sleepover?

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 18:31

We have a blanket no phones and tablets in the bedroom and at night rule. Every visiting child also comes under this rule. The parents have my mobile number, and my house is small enough I can hear everything they do. There is no need for a child to have a phone, laptop, tablet, even a TV in their room tbh. But I am aware I am in a minority with that view nowadays.

WineGummyBear · 02/09/2017 18:32

Their house their rules.

They are not undermining your decision to give your child a phone, they are enforcing their own (sensible imo) no-tech-at-bedtime rule.

I can see why you are upset as you gave it to your DS for reassurance. But they didn't know that.

CotswoldStrife · 02/09/2017 18:33

Seeing as there was an issue at a sleepover my DD was at with someone filming on a mobile phone, I am all in favour of them not being allowed in bedrooms. DD doesn't even have one yet.

Freddiesfling · 02/09/2017 18:33

I think it's an extremely sensible thing to do.
It stops children getting into silly and even potentially risky situations.
There is the potential there for things to occur such as producing silly videos which can or upset or embarrassment or accessing unsuitable sites... I say this as a mother of twin 10 year old boys so I am well aware of what they can get up!
Also even if your sons phone didn't have the internet some of the other phones there may have, so a blanket ban is the best option. As if something occurred as mentioned above they would be untimely responsible and some of the other parents there would be the first to blame them. At the end of the day it was their house... their rules and I for one think it's extremely sensible of them to take this action.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 18:35

I don't let kids have phones overnight at that age. But I would let you know first.

FreeSpiritJen · 02/09/2017 18:35

Without discussing it with you first, they were being unreasonable to remove your son's phone. YANBU. It would have annoyed me.

Amaried · 02/09/2017 18:35

Honestly in the majority of houses there is a no phones in bedroom policy. If you wanted your son to have you, you should have discussed it with the parents before hand to see if they still wished to proceed. Yabu,

Freddiesfling · 02/09/2017 18:35

#sorry for typos

W0rriedMum · 02/09/2017 18:36

Very sensible indeed.

All kinds of things were being viewed at a pre-teen sleepover my dd went to. The parents thought they were asleep but they were browsing without supervision at 2am.

You should thank that mum.

altiara · 02/09/2017 18:37

It's not just internet though is it, they could be playing games all night disturbing anyone that wanted to sleep.

I find it ridiculous that you're surprised they didn't want phones at bedtime.
If you child needs to phone you in the middle of the night, then don't send them on a sleepover.

PotteringAlong · 02/09/2017 18:37

If he needs a comfort blanket buy him a teddy bear, not a smart phone.

shivermytimbers · 02/09/2017 18:37

Cons to having a phone on sleepover...

  1. Can look at anything on internet (porn, horror films, ANYTHING is about 2 clicks away!)
  2. Stops child being fully involved 'I'm the moment' if they've always got half an eye on other friends/ family through social media
  3. Bullying of other children via text/ social media - I've seen the most mild mannered of children get caught up in this sort of thing

Pros of having no phone...

  1. More likely to settle down at a reasonable time
  2. Learn to cope with social situations better if they have to deal with each other rather than phoning home at the first sign of trouble
  3. Achieve a sense of pride and independence that they can do things on their own

Also - why would you even contemplate sending your child to a sleepover if you thought the parents were too irresponsible to contact you if there were any problems?

khajiit13 · 02/09/2017 18:37

I think phones on sleepovers are a disaster tbh

Copperbeech33 · 02/09/2017 18:38

no phones at night is a normal, common and sensible rule. YABU

Liz79 · 02/09/2017 18:39

My dd had a sleepover for her 9th birthday. I was shocked that some girls brought phones and ipads. They asked for the Wi-Fi code and I pleaded ignorance. Also didn't let them upstairs with them because I didn't want them taking photos/videos of each other which might end up on the internet - without permission of the other parents and possibly in various states of undress. It's potentially dangerous and also rude and unsociable. I didn't expect any sleep at the "sleep" over but certainly not for that reason. One girl did ask me to ring her mum to collect her and of course I did. Another left the iPad here the following morning.

Huffletuff · 02/09/2017 18:40

A teacher here too (wondering why that makes a difference) and I'd have been furious. No one takes my DS' phone without repercussions.

BenLui · 02/09/2017 18:41

YABU. Their house, their rules.

And it's a sensible rule. Staying up all night chatting is one thing. Staying up all night looking at potentially inappropriate things online is quite a different thing.

You'd only be reasonable if the parents refused him access to his phone to contact you if he requested.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 18:41

Totally normal round here. Maybe you should make it clear to other parents that your ds coming to a sleepover is conditional to him having unlimited access to his phone in future, and let them decide if they're ok with that. Personally I wouldn't be.

Notanightbird · 02/09/2017 18:41

Completely agree that phones should be taken away at bedtime. Can't believe that this could be something to be annoyed about!

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