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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 20:48

We called them pajama parties. And the pajama part was very important! you had to have the right puppy love night shirt or whatever was in sleepover fashion at the time!

ujerneyson · 03/09/2017 20:52

skylar didn't you need Forever Friends pyjamas and to watch either Breakfast Club or Nightmare on Elm Street then tell ghost stories at a slumber party?

Ttbb · 03/09/2017 20:53

I wouldn't do that. Children should he able to contact their parents if they need to.

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 20:57

I wouldn't do that. Children should he able to contact their parents if they need to They don't need to sleep with their phones to do that! I'm happy to call parents at any time of night if needed.

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 20:59

ujerneyson yes forever friends were also acceptable. And a candle so you could say bloody mary 3 times into the bathroom mirror before scaring each other to tears and getting collected by 11.30 LOL

Starlight2345 · 03/09/2017 21:02

You know these 10 year olds are all either have been or due to go on school residential s.. None will be able to take mobiles, Cub, guide camp at this age..No mobiles....
School no mobiles

And do you know why this is all ok because there is an adult there which if parent needs contacting they will be contacted.. The same applies at a sleepover.

I cannot for the life of me work out why this is an issue.

SchoolNightWine · 03/09/2017 21:39

Was this me OP?? I had a sleepover here last night and removed phones at bedtime (and other times too if they were on them too much). But I wouldn't have kids here to stay unless I knew they were 100% comfortable in my house and asking for anything they need, including contacting their parents. Parents were in total agreement when I told them today, and I know they would do the same at their house.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/09/2017 21:42

I don't want to speak for the op, but I don't think its intended for you.
This thread was started yesterday evening around 6ish, which would mean. The sleep over was Friday in this Saturday rather than Saturday into Sunday.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/09/2017 21:59

Are you quite young op as you seem pretty naive? Porn isn't the only thing to be concerned about your son accessing - either on his phone or others if the sleepover host allowed devices in the bedroom. And ime being egged on by friends is exactly the time that inappropriate things would be getting searched for. If the hosts don't want to risk that going on under their roof then that's their prerogative. If perfectly reasonable and common house rules are going to be an issue for your son and you're not willing to discuss it with other parents you need to wait until your son is a bit older for sleepovers imo.

SchoolNightWine · 03/09/2017 22:40

Sorry I was joking - I did realise it wasn't for me! Just thought it amusing after having a sleepover last night and doing the same.

elektrawoman · 04/09/2017 09:50

user1490607838
I think your experience of being bullied on a sleepover is bound to make you feel emotional about this. I am very sorry this happened to you but you should not have been left alone with those girls. A lot of bullying nowadays happens online through texts, snapchat etc with children posting embarrassing videos online to the whole school, exactly as a pp said. What would have happened if you'd all had mobiles is the bullying would not have stopped when you left that house but carried on via your phone. Probably with videos / voice recordings to add to your upset.

Also saying 'the no phones at bedtime rule is only on Mumsnet' - nonsense most of my friends do this who I know aren't on Mumsnet. Does your school offer e-safety talks? Or have leaflets about e-safety, online bullying etc? Ours does and the main recommendation is No Phones at Bedtime! I doubt very much our Headteacher came up with that recommendation from coming on Mumsnet talk ... Hmm

I really think parents who let their children have phones/iPads in bedrooms all night are being extremely naive.
At a sleepover your nice child probably won't instigate the watching of porn / 18 rated horror film / nasty texts to the unpopular kid in class / Inappropriate snapchat etc - but if another child instigates it really how likely are they to say 'oh no don't do that?!' Of course they won't because they won't want to be the boring sensible one and will go along with it.

gamerwidow · 04/09/2017 13:06

A few years back my niece (14/15) was at a sleepover and the girls used the family laptop to access chat roulette and not only encountered men exposing themselves and worse but she actually gave one of the men (not one exposing himself) her email address for him to contact her.
We ended up having to take her to the police station to report a grooming attempt. The hosting parents were questioned by the police as well and were mortified at what had been going on in their house.
We were so angry that she had been so stupid even though we had talked to her lots of times about the danger of giving out personal details to strangers online. She said he seemed really nice and she could tell if he was dangerous Hmm Don't under estimate your children's capacity to be bloody idiots. You should always supervise access to the internet if you've got a group of children staying at your house.

grannytomine · 04/09/2017 14:53

gamerwidow that is awful.

FrancisCrawford · 04/09/2017 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

retreatwhispering · 04/09/2017 16:04

user LOL. I can confirm that slumber parties were definitely a thing in the 80s.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 04/09/2017 17:05

And so the conclusion of the thread is that as a hosting parent you can't win.

Get the kids to leave the phones downstairs and someone will have a hissy fit over their DC's property being confiscated

Let the kids keep their phones and someone will be on here posting 'aibu to expect my child to be supervised using the internet on a sleepover?'

It's a minefield.

rebelnotaslave · 04/09/2017 17:08

I feel ancient saying this, but I survived many sleepovers without a mobile phone. Cos they weren't invented then.

ElChan03 · 04/09/2017 17:08

Yabu. Phones off at bed. At 9 and 11 old enough to say goodnight to you before phone taken off him.

Fresh8008 · 04/09/2017 17:22

DS doesn't "have anxiety" ...He is prone to be a bit anxious when apart from me which isn't the same as anxiety.

Sounds to me like you need to help him get over the anxiety he doesn't have. Pandering to it is just going to prolong and make it worse. A 10 yo boy should be able to cope with a sleepover at his friends without needing to text his mum in the middle of the night.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 04/09/2017 17:40

And nine times out of ten he doesn't need to.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 04/09/2017 17:42

And no, people didn't generally have sleepover pre 1990's. Not in the UK anyway

My 80s experience was different to yours. In fact db and I had a sleep over with a family in France my parents befriended on holiday and a random family who lived on a farm and went to our church.

rebelnotaslave · 04/09/2017 17:44

Eh? I must have grown up in a different 80s and 90s to you. As it was I got my first mobile phone aged 17 in 1998. Most of my friends were in their 20s.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/09/2017 17:44

Well if he sometimes needs to then you either need to discuss that with parents or not send him!
I wouldn't in a million years assume a 10 yr needed to text their parents on the night if I wasn't prewarned. I would assume that most parents would prefer for devices not to be in bedrooms if anything and I think this thread supports that.

IStoleThisUsername · 04/09/2017 17:49

I let my dc have their phones in their rooms overnight but if they are staying at someone's house with a 'no gadget' rule then I'd expect them to hand their phones over. It's basic manners.

brasty · 04/09/2017 17:55

When kids stay elsewhere, they follow the rules of the house. Every parent has different rules. You can't expect a parent with 3 kids say on a sleepover to enforce 3 sets of different rules based on how their parents parent.
If you complained to me about this, I just would not have your child over again.