To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

[minnieproblems]

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

I was nearly drowned by kids at a pool party and the hosts mother told me I ruined her daughters birthday by complaining so I'm sure a boy telling the host their son is bullying him will work fine...

He could feign sickness for instance. No sooner way to get sent home then say you'd just puked.

"No one takes my DS phone without repercussions"

The whole world's knees are knocking.

Why couldn't he tell the parents value? Or ask to go home? of ask to phone you on the landline?

Perhaps because he's a kid. And he was too intimidated. That's very much what I'd do now. But I'm 46, not 13 or some such age.

Today 19:11 BubbleAnimal

He didn't have to say the boy was bullying. He just had to say he wanted to go home and also to ring his parent

Bit difficult at 2am when you are a scared child in tears. I suppose that you are all of the toughen up and you only get bullied if you allow yourself to camp?

My point is, you are not all wonderful parents, superior to everyone else.
You can have your rules and your dismissive attitude to children who aren't the same as yours, but have the courtesy to tell the parents.

Then they can decide what is best for their child.

Yes i am Value My sons and their friends certainly have no problem complaining about each others behaviour. And its not that unusual for a child to change their minds about a sleepover and ask to go home. He could have just said he was feeling ill.

I'm sorry your child was bullied Value, that's never ok. But...if there had been phones in the room, maybe that bullying would've gone online? Maybe other children would have been involved via social media?

Seriously- unsupervised access to smartphones for children is just never a good idea. Ever.

Wow Dragons.

Bubble. I can't imagine there would be many quick thinking kids out there able to do that without the parents training them first.

His phone wasn't with him in the bedroom - but presumably if there'd been an emergency he'd have been given it back?

I think YABU on this. It's pretty common to have a "no phones in the bedroom" rule, especially that young, and it wouldn't have been fair on the other kids if he'd been allowed to keep his.

Good for your sons BarbarianMum, hope you teach them some empathy for others too while you are patting your own back there.

I am the least smug parent I know... I'm
Untidy, disorganised, harassed, I forget to make my kids brush the teeth more often than I should.. I can't cook etc etc but the one thing I would not allow is to let my 10 year olds have their phones overnight as I have seen firsthand the problems it can cause... sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression not to mention the unsavoury things/people you can access on the internet... so yes I think better Parenting isn't to let children have unsupervised access to devices overnight!

I teach them various strategies for getting out of difficult or uncomfortable situations without a mobile, if that's what you mean? Not sure why their empathy is in question.

Surely every kid knows from school age if you say you feel sick or have been sick you get sent home? It's not quick thinking, it's learnt from the age of 4 isn't it? Puke in school = go straight home. Even if you're not the child in question, you would have seen it happen to someone else.

I fail to see how a phone would have helped at 2am though. Surely he wouldn't have been able to ring with the other boy in the room and explain, and presumably his own mother was asleep and probably wouldn't hear a text. And if she did, what would she do? Rock up at 2am and bang on the front door?

Freddiesfling, this thread is not about that as a general rule though, my dc are all late teens now and yes, I do think there is a bit of smugness on here.

The issue is that this is not your child, it's a child with anxiety who thought that he could instantly communicate with the parent.
That method was taken away from him without discussing with the parent.

It's basic manners and common sense.

Freddie's I could have written your post. In all honesty some of the stuff I see on here makes me feel like a shit mum, but after working in a secondary school, and seen the crap sleep etc DSS has, this is one thing I am very strong on. No phones unsupervised at night.

I have had kids on playdates and sleepovers come and tell me that my dc is being a pain, and I have dealt with it. If your child is not happy telling parents that they want to go home, they shouldn't be sleeping over. No need even to say that the host child is bullying, just that they want to phone home.

No smug parenting, just reality.

And actually, dd2 is 9 and my other 2 are 12 and 14. The kids all got phones in year 6, towards the end, ready for secondary school. None of dd2s friends have phones, and if they did bring it on a sleepover, there is no way they are having it upstairs, who knows what they will get up to on it.

When ds aged 14 goes to someone else's house, I even say to parents, feel free to remove devices if you need to.

Really we managed to have sleepovers for years before everyone had phones and we coped.

BarbarianMum this isn't about your child though or your better parenting.

There seems to be a bit of a stonewall in trying to get across to you that not every child is the same as yours, empathy is about that.

I have had kids on playdates and sleepovers come and tell me that my dc is being a pain, and I have dealt with it. If your child is not happy telling parents that they want to go home, they shouldn't be sleeping over. No need even to say that the host child is bullying, just that they want to phone home

This is so lacking in understanding, you would exclude children with anxiety and social skills from sleepovers.

Opinion I agree with you so much.

kids with anxiety can't have reasonable adjustments. Nice one MN.

Valued

The OP knows her child. It's up to her to tell the parents hosting the sleepover that there is anxiety so they can make sure the child knows it's fine to come to them if there's an issue.

You seem to be ignoring the specific issues about unsupervised internet access..

You seem to be ignoring the specific issues about unsupervised internet access

No, you seem to be ignoring adjustments for children that aren't as wonderful as everyone else's on the thread.

Plus, if you are such a diligent parent, you should have every filter going on your wifi and be checking on the children in your care.

kids with anxiety can't have reasonable adjustments. Nice one MN.

It's a sleepover, not a school.

Unsupervised access to the internet wouldn't be a "reasonable adjustment" adjudtment, anyway. It's just really bloody irresponsible.