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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 18:53

Absolutely no way should children of that age be allowed unsupervised internet access. It's massively irresponsible to hand over the responsibility of all the shite on the internet to a child.

Is he allowed access at home, OP?

No one takes my DS' phone without repercussions

Boggling at what the repercussions might be 😂
*

KarmaNoMore · 02/09/2017 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lalalalyra · 02/09/2017 18:54

I think if something is so important that it merits words like "repercussions" then the onus is on you to make sure the parent hosting is ok with it/has the same rules you do.

Freddiesfling · 02/09/2017 18:54

My son was filmed by his friend on the toilet once and was so distressed he screamed and cried I ran upstairs wondering what was wrong and his friend was literally about to load the video on to snapchat... I asked him to delete it which he pretended to do but then discovered it was still on his phone... that video would have been social suicide for my son.. so I confiscated his phone until he went home ( it happened in the afternoon) and my friend was more than happy that I did this and we mortified with what her normally quiet sensible son had tried to do!!

BackieJerkhart · 02/09/2017 18:54

What are you going to do? Invade? grin

Grin
senua · 02/09/2017 18:55

yeah for me it'd be the huge disrespecting of my decision that'd piss me off.

Can you just hear the DC now ... " my mum says that you can't tell me what to do"Hmm
They wouldn't get a second invitation to my house with that attitude.

Strictly1 · 02/09/2017 18:56

YABU. I consider taking their phones off them common sense and good parenting. I don't see how it is undermining you. I would consider it incredibly rude if he'd rang for you to collect him without speaking to the parents first. He's clearly not ready for sleepovers.

JigglyTuff · 02/09/2017 18:57

I think the parents were eminently sensible.
If you complained to me about it, your child wouldn't get invited to my house again, much less a sleepover.

formerbabe · 02/09/2017 18:58

I'd be very angry if my ds went to a sleepover where the kids had access to a smartphone or any device which connected to the internet. However, the parents should probably have made you aware of their rule and you should have made them aware of your ds's anxiety.

BackieJerkhart · 02/09/2017 18:58

Sorry but I'm now singing "repercussions" tonthe tune of "reproduction" from Grease 2! Thanks V much for that huffle Grin

"Repercussions, REPERCUSSIONS
Put my teachers voice to work
Repercussions, REPERCUSSIONS
I'm about to go berserk"

steppemum · 02/09/2017 18:59

In my house there are no devices in bedrooms overnight.
That is actually also the advice given out by all the police/safeguarding/etc organistaions when talking about kids and technology, and also what dds secondary school asked us to do.

I find it veyr odd that you expect 9-11 year olds to have phones overnight!

As a parent hosting a sleepover I woudl be pretty pissed off if parents suddenly appeared at the door at 2 am to collect a child who had just phoned them, to come and pick them up. Surely if there is a problem, you tell your child to speak to the host parents first. If your child isn't happy to do that, or you don't trust the host parents, then they shouldn't be sleeping over there.

VestalVirgin · 02/09/2017 19:00

Children that age didn't use to have phones, let alone smartphones, at all, and coped just fine.

I probably wouldn't think of it at all, but if I did think about it, I'd take them away the moment I leave the children unsupervised.

There are lots of good reasons: They could show each other inappropriate pictures or videos, (even without internet access) they could make photos of sleeping children, even film someone while changing into pyjamas.

Or, more harmlessly (and so likely that it would be more or less guaranteed to happen) they'd keep up each other all night playing games or listening to music, etc.

If you feel that your son must be able to contact you at all time, buy him a simple phone that can only be used for making phone calls, and nothing else, and explicitly ask the parents of friends he stays with to let him keep it.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:02

I don't think it's reasonable at all, to do that without asking/telling you is very controlling.

We all have different rules and taking phones away overnight does not make one a better parent.

ujerneyson · 02/09/2017 19:02

YABU - I would be delighted if parents took a phone away from the children at a sleepover. Infact, I threatened to do exactly that last week with some 13 year olds who were messing about. I think that it's an excellent idea and we simply don't need to be in touch with our kids at all times of the day. If you trust a family to let your child sleepover there then you ought to trust them to look after your child in your absence and to trust that they'll contact you if there's a problem. I always text the parent to check if everything is ok but I don't need to be in constant contact with my child. Lets not even get on to the topic of 9 year olds having phones

MistyMinge · 02/09/2017 19:02

I think YABU

If your son really felt the need to contact you then he could tell the parents, or if not comfortable with that ask his friend to ask his parents.

I don't think it's a healthy habit for kids to have devices available to them throughout the night: causes massive sleep issues, let alone what they might be accessing. I also believe bullying is a lot worse due to children having mobiles etc.

I would have done exactly the same as them, and if a parent moaned to me about it I wouldn't be in a hurry to host their child again.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 02/09/2017 19:03

Well, 9-11 year olds don't actually need phones and tablets at all let alone at bedtime, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with removing devices overnight, and if he is anxious without a phone then he's not mature enough to go to sleepovers.

Mine recently stayed overnight at my sister's while I was away and she pre-warned me that she removes all devices at bedtime, but even if I hadn't known it's still her house, her rules.

Phones are removed here at night as well during school nights and mine are teenage.

But we did manage perfectly well without devices when we were the same age. the absolute reliance on them now is thoroughly depressing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2017 19:05

A good idea to remove devices, yes. Not a good idea to be unable to access the device in case of anxiety. So parents should have told him where his phone was.

Dd went on a sleepover last year and was up awake at 6.30. She and her friend didn't settle so the dd went and slept with her parents and left dd alone. Dd hardly slept and when she woke up at 6.30, the parents told her to go away and not disturb their dd. Dd called me in tears. She was only 8. I wouldn't have expected parents to treat a little girl like this. Since then, she's only been to a mass one with a few friends. I wasn't very keen on having the sleepover in the first place, but the parents were most insistent and circumvented me as they always do. The mother tried to practically drag my dd off one day, so I organised a sleepover with them for another day. I now avoid play dates as much as possible because of how the parents are.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:06

My ds was badly bullied at a sleepover a few years ago by the hosts son. He had no way of contacting me and certainly wouldn't have been able to tell the hosts about their son.

Lots of smug parenting posts on here.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:06

*I don't think it's reasonable at all, to do that without asking/telling you is very controlling.

We all have different rules and taking phones away overnight does not make one a better parent.*

It's not controlling, it's a way of protecting children.

And actually, you are a better parent if you do. Ask the nspcc. Or the police. Or any safeguarding officer in a school.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 19:06

Actually value I think it does. And the onus is on the parents of visiting kids to check that their rules will be adhered to if they don't know or trust the host parents.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:06

bold fail

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 19:09

Why couldn't he tell the parents value? Or ask to go home? Or ask to phone you on the landline? Confused

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:09

BarbarianMum and actually I disagree. It's not on the onus of the visiting parent to run through every possible rule that they can conceive of. It's the other way round.

I find some of the comments about children with anxiety very judgement and certainly does not point towards your superior parenting skills.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:10

Um, you are asking why a child can't go and tell the parents that their son is bullying? Seriously?

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 19:11

He didn't have to say the boy was bullying. He just had to say he wanted to go home and also to ring his parent.