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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 02/09/2017 18:42

They probably took the phones out the room so they weren't up till all hours playing on them. Don't agree with it, as late nights with your friends are what sleepovers are all about!

I always liked ds having his phone as I send him a quick "all ok?" and good night message before I go to bed (even though he's 13 now!!)

hollyisalovelyname · 02/09/2017 18:42

I think it was good that both phones and tablets were removed.
The children could have started messing or bullying one of the group and uploaded stuff/ photos onto social media.

BenLui · 02/09/2017 18:42

"Without repercussions" Huffle?

What are you going to do? Invade? Grin

If you trust the family to (kindly) host them, then you trust them... surely?

StatueInTheSky · 02/09/2017 18:42

why not use this as a prop to his confidence...

" nothing bad happened, you managed fine, you could have spoken to

RosieLig · 02/09/2017 18:43

I do that. I used to mention to the parents that I would do so and they were all in total agreement. So now I don't bother mentioning it!!

Just common sense to me. I'd be annoyed mine were at a sleepover and were up all night on their phones.

if it's the first time a child had stayed I'd keep an eye that they were ok. We've only had one who had a wobble and he was fine after a hug and reassurance.

If you are worried that your child might be homesick then I'd mention it to the host and have a plan if there are any issues. I think having a phone might exacerbate homesickness, if anything!

Trying2bgd · 02/09/2017 18:43

Sorry but YABU

Even with the older ones, I insist phones are left downstairs once they are ready for bed. Too many stories of dodgy photos taken of unaware sleeping kids, porn etc etc for me to ignore! I really don't understand why anyone would feel undermined by this. It's not a big deal

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 18:43

Those saying the mum was out of order - do your children go to bed with their phones or tablets at home?

Having seen the disaster of DSS being allowed to do this, it makes me even more adament to not allow my children to have their electronics at night.

plantsitter · 02/09/2017 18:44

If you allow your kids to go on a sleepover, you're allowing the host parents to be in charge of the rules. They didn't undermine you they just imposed their own household rules.

christinarossetti · 02/09/2017 18:45

I don't let my sleepover guests have devices in bedrooms at all.

If they can't cope with this, I'm very happy to take them home.

Athena404 · 02/09/2017 18:45

In my house all devices are left on the hallway table over night. This wouldn't change no matter who is here they have to follow the rules. If they wanted to contact their parents they obviously could. I would never stop them. There are a myriad of reasons why I would not let them brake this rule, but primarily for safeguarding purposes. If you wanted him to keep it for whatever reason you should talk to the parent before hand and if they don't agree to let him have it either make him follow the rules or don't send him. I really don't see the issue

Libitina · 02/09/2017 18:46

When DS was much younger he had a sleepover. One off the children became distressed. I just rang his parents at 2am to come and fetch him after we couldn't console or settle him down. I am sure these parents would have done the same if necessary.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 02/09/2017 18:46

All devices are took from my dc at bedtime, this would not change regardless who was sleeping, their devices would be took too. YABU.

OlennasWimple · 02/09/2017 18:46

Surely this is a "their house, their rules" situation. It's not about them undermining your parenting decisions (assuming that they didn't remove the phone saying that it was ridiculous for a 9yo to have a smart phone). It's about them having rules in place that they believe are age appropriate and help keep all the boys safe on their watch.

FWIW, if you rang me up and complained at me about this, I would think that you were slightly bonkers and would mentally cross your DS off the list of potential future sleepover attendees.

If he is invited again, you could just say when discussing arrangements that you would prefer that he kept his phone with him, and then have a sensible discussion with them from there

Libitina · 02/09/2017 18:46

This was pre devices for children btw. About 15 years ago.

AlexanderHamilton · 02/09/2017 18:47

We too have a no electronic devices in bedrooms rule & all visiting kids have to adhere to this. I've seen too many incidents of disturbing other kids playing games all night, taking photos & sending stupid/harassing texts in the excitement of a sleepover.

The only repercussions of a parent objecting to this rule would be for me to never invite that child over to stay again.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 02/09/2017 18:47

Yabu, I've had a few 6 year olds over to sleep. They don't have phones and coped just fine.

I think if they can't handle a sleepover without a phone it's probably best they don't go.

OllyBJolly · 02/09/2017 18:47

Agree with latter posters. My house, my rules. In fact, I ask children not to bring tablets etc if they are staying over and we all have a much better time.

Several mothers have said to me "But they need it to get to sleep!" No they didn't!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/09/2017 18:48

Sorry but I'm with the parents on this one. If they can get internet access on their phones and went or came across something undesirable. Who'd get the length of your tongue. The "irresponsible" parents.
Plus if that's their rules. Then that's just it. They're hardly going to take their own ds's phone off him and let your ds keep his.

coffeekittens · 02/09/2017 18:49

YABU. I'd do the same thing, I would let the other parents know that phones/tabs will be going at X time aswell.

If your son needed you he could speak to the parents.

FenceSitter01 · 02/09/2017 18:50

Op, your child may not have any data left , but one of the others might. You may have parental controls in place, but one of the others might not. Voice of bitter experience when youngest DC went to a sleep over and other 9yo was showing him porn.

www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/internet-security/10728796/Thousands-of-children-exposed-to-online-porn.html

Research commissioned by the Authority for Television On Demand (ATVOD) found that at least 44,000 primary school children, and 200,000 under-sixteens, accessed an adult website during December 2013. The research data relies not on what children said they did online, but on tracking and recording what they actually did.

One in five teenage boys under 18 going online were clicking on porn websites from PC’s, and one adult site – which offers free, unrestricted access to thousands of hardcore porn videos – attracted 112,000 of the teenagers.

"Huge numbers of children from as young as six years old are seeing hardcore, still, or moving images of adults engaged in sex. We know from our own evidence, that there is a link between viewing pornographic images including depictions of extreme and violent sexual acts and the carrying out of such acts in real life," said Berelowitz.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/09/2017 18:51

I don't have a problem with it. In fact, I think it's great and probably what I would have done IF cellphones had been around when mine were having sleepovers!

But I do think that the host parent should forewarn the other parents so they don't worry about missed calls or unanswered texts. And the host parent should be willing to let the child have the phone to call or text home a goodnight if they wish, then take it back.

Crumbs1 · 02/09/2017 18:51

I would think removing electronic devices saved all sorts of problems. Surely it's a good thing? Why would you let your children go to an overnight event with parents you don't trust?

Brakebackcyclebot · 02/09/2017 18:52

My DCs leave all devices in the kitchen overnight, as do DH and I. Any child coming for a sleepover is asked to do the same. And yes, I would insist. I think you're being very precious OP. The hosts weren'the undermining you, they were implementing their own boundaries in their own house. If you insisted your DS be allowed his phone, then you are undermining them.

AfunaMbatata · 02/09/2017 18:52

Lol @ people claiming they'd have a go at the mother about this. If a parent of a child that I'd hosted for a sleepover dared to phone me moaning about my rules they'd get told to STFU and fuck off to fuck. My house, my rules.

Birdsgottafly · 02/09/2017 18:53

I agree with the posters that say YABU.

I'm glad the issue of using accessing the internet to bully one of the attendees has been bought up.

Kids start setting up pranks/recording someone snoring etc and upload them to You Tube/SC.

For an anxious child to be a Victim of this can be devastating.