Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 18:24

OP yeah for me it'd be the huge disrespecting of my decision that'd piss me off. I wouldn't dream of telling someone how to parent their kids, and I appreciate the same back.

They should've told you, and you could then have decided or discussed your choice.

JustMumNowNotMe · 02/09/2017 18:24

I'm afraid to say that your son doesn't sound ready for sleepovers, if he can't be without a phone and ask for help if he needs it he should wait until he can do these things.

Teapot13 · 02/09/2017 18:24

Interesting. I had the opposite problem this week. DD and her friend are 7.5. Friend has a phone. (I find this unnecessary and actually shocking, although I can see from other posts that this is not a universal opinion!) Her dad reminded her not to go on Youtube (!) when he dropped her off.

Anyway, bedtime, DD and friend were heading up the stairs and I asked friend, shall I keep your phone for you? Friend said, No, I might need to call my dad. I thought, of course I won't keep this child from calling home!

I went up several times to see if they were sleeping, and it was quiet, but they were awake. Till midnight! When I told the father this, he said to his child, "Were you on your phone?" Turns out they were watching Netflix! (I think this is Lovefilm in the UK.) I feel like a fool but I am not used to having to police this. Last time I don't confiscate a phone!

PotteringAlong · 02/09/2017 18:24

I would have taken them and it wouldn't have crossed my mind people might object. Surely everyone removes them at night?

Whosthemummynow · 02/09/2017 18:24

If he can't cope without it then he shouldn't be going on sleepovers.
The parent isn't trying to undermine your decision to give him a phone. She is implementing the rules of her house.

ragged · 02/09/2017 18:25

Dragon: Mine sleep some when we host a sleepover, it's not that hard to achieve. Lights off & no noise I can hear outside the room, their bodies take over. 10yo DS had a WakeOver at someone's house. He was a disaster the next day. Collapsed at noon, letting down a bestie friend he had promised to play with that day. I was not best pleased.

If SleepOver always = WakeOver then really I would want to ban them for all my DC until adulthood.

my2bundles · 02/09/2017 18:25

I have a 9 year old, he dosent need a phone at any time. It's a fair rule, if he us a quest in someone's house he needs to respect their rules. I'm sure if he really did need to contact you he could have used the house phone.

Only1scoop · 02/09/2017 18:25

We don't have phones and gadgets in children's bedrooms here either.

lalalalyra · 02/09/2017 18:26

Managed to cut half my post.

I won't leave kids in my care unsupervised with potential internet access. I know what my kids can access on their devices - I have no idea what data/parental settings etc other people have.

But they should have mentioned it. Any parent whose child is staying here would know that we don't allow devices in bedrooms and that the church bells ring at 7am on a Sunday so their child may be vile due to a loud wake up.

TormundsGingerBeard · 02/09/2017 18:26

Maybe the friend's parents assumed that everyone does this. There's no real reason for a 9 or 11 year old to have a phone during the night to be honest.

Maybe he's not ready for this level of independence at the moment. I know he wants to be 'part of it' (all kids do) but as is often said on MN - their house, their rulez Smile Why would they change the rules on phones in bedrooms for other children?

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:26

It's more of a sort of comfort blanket. I have never known him call me. Sometimes a text. But the point is, he can if he needs to.

OP posts:
DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 18:26

Ragged mine is small but I don't plan on doing sleepovers for that reason among others, until they're teenagers.

I just think if you're going to open that box, you have to go with the whole thing, so to speak. What's the point of a sleepover otherwise?

Pengggwn · 02/09/2017 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

traffordtimes · 02/09/2017 18:27

If he needed you to come for him, he really should be telling the parents, and if he's too shy to do that, I'm afraid he isn't ready to stay away. You in turn should feel able to trust them enough to accept this, kids shouldn't be playing with phones after lights out, and many parents have the no phones rule for this reason. He doesn't need a phone to secretly call his mum and dad during the night.

lalalalyra · 02/09/2017 18:27

How is expecting a visiting child to stick to house rules disrespectful? It's certainly no more disrespectful than expecting your child to be exempt from the house rules.

When kids stay elsewhere the rules are sometimes different.

Allthebestnamesareused · 02/09/2017 18:28

No phones in bedrooms allowed here and that is what the school has suggested too. I wouldn't even think of telling other parents that is what happens as I'd assume no one would allow their kids to have them all night long.

Loopytiles · 02/09/2017 18:28

Yabu. A smartphone isn't a comfort blanket.

ElizabethShaw · 02/09/2017 18:28

I think taking devices off them at bedtime when unsupervised is fine, surely much better than letting a bunch of 9-11 year old boys have unsupervised internet access?

If you felt strongly about your DS being able to contact you overnight you really should have discussed it with the hosting parents.

DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 18:28

It's fine if you're notified Lyra.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 02/09/2017 18:28

there is no way kids sleeping over in my house would have their phones overnight.
I'd be agog if you complained about it to be honest, and would probably not have your kid over again if I had to police them/their phone.

Nothing more boring than little kids with phones- all cramming round staring at a tiny screen, they're banned here for playdates too.

Crunchymum · 02/09/2017 18:28

Maybe you sending your child with unsupervised and constant use of their mobile was undermining the hosts choice to remove devices at night?

Also how were they to know your DC didn't have any mobile data?

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 02/09/2017 18:28

Their house their rules. I have done this at sleepovers because that was our rule when ds was that age. He didn't have a phone at that age but laptops, iPods etc were collected and put out of the way. Mainly because I didn't want late night mischief and silliness contacting other kids etc.. I am about to impose the same rule for ds, now 14, on school nights. Weekends are more relaxed but if he had a friend over in week I would expect him to adhere to my rules.

It would not be fair at all to expect host child to hand over their tech and guest not to. Asking for trouble.

GetAHaircutCarl · 02/09/2017 18:29

When you go to someone's home you have to abide by their rules, no?

notangelinajolie · 02/09/2017 18:29

It's not unusual or unreasonable to take away a child's phone at night. I know a lot of parents do this and it's pretty sensible to do this at a sleepover.

I didn't have this rule for my DC's but I can totally understand why some parents do this.

Their house, their rules so it's probably best to not let your son stay over at this friends house again especially if you know he is going to be anxious. Or maybe you could arrange to collect him before bedtime?

Somerville · 02/09/2017 18:29

I do that. No-one is allowed a phone in the bedroom in this house.

However I ask them to put it on the side downstairs, where there are chargers they can use. So if they need to use it they know where it is.
I don't think a child who needs to ring their parents in the night should be going on sleepovers really. It's disruptive for both households.