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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be tired of our guests constant 'high brow' conversation?

192 replies

Grassroots01 · 01/09/2017 18:24

We have had one of DH's old university friends and his wife down the last 4 days. They are going back on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, they are LOVELY, have known them for many years and usually get on really well with them and enjoy their company. However, this afternoon I just feel a bit fed up and have had to go off for some me time' as I am just tired of the conversations.

For the last 4 days straight it seems all we've spoken about is global warming, sea pollution, politics, gardening and herb plantation and lastly (just now) picked apart the English education system.

It's just not me I'm afraid. I'm not unintelligent and am educated to the same level as both of these people and my DH, but I differ from them, in that I don't enjoy 'high brow' (for want of a better expression) conversation for hours or days on end.

I had to get up and walk off earlier as I really just wanted to say 'I'm knackered, can we not just talk about light hearted subjects?' The wife is absolutely lovely, she really is and I do get on with her really well but tonight we are going out for a meal and then onto some (trendy) bars for some drinks. I'm just about to go and get ready and have asked her what she's wearing etc. She's just replied 'Oh I don't know, I might just go as I am (she's in jeans and a t-shirt?) my hair needs washing (it does) but I can't be bothered, and I suppose I should really put some make up on but I can't be bothered with that either'

I now feel a bit deflated and am wondering whether to bother wearing the heels, nice top and jeans that I had planned to, or do my hair and make up as I'm going to feel 'overdone' The trouble is my female friends would've made a bit of an effort, I'm not used to being around people who wouldn't.

God, I sound like such a cow. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel really tired and irritable today and just long for some conversation about clothes, hair or make up, celebrity gossip, anything other than politics, global warming or education.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 01/09/2017 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 01/09/2017 18:29

She sounds nice. I'll go to a bar with her if you don't want to.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2017 18:29

The highbrow conversations; YANBtotallyU. Just bring up funnier topics.

The dressing up; YABU. Her body her choice.

bakingaddict · 01/09/2017 18:30

I know what you mean, I consider me and DH to be able to hold our own on weighty subjects but down at the pub I just want to be frivolous so smut, innuendo, celebrity tittle tattle and any manner of silly talk is the order of the day as we have quite demanding jobs so like to switch off

Original poster

Grassroots01 · 01/09/2017 18:30

Yes I know IABU there. I'm just being a grumpy moo. However, on a serious note, she can only really wear the trainers that she's been wearing today with the jeans and t-shirt she's currently wearing and I actually don't think she'll get into the bars.

I think I took it as a bit of a 'I'm too intelligent to worry myself over little details such as hair and make up' which I KNOW she won't have meant it like that, but I'm feeling irritable and ratty today for some reason and it's just left a sour taste in my mouth

OP posts:

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 01/09/2017 18:31

Wear what you were going to, do your hair and make up. It's fine. You're not twins.
Conversation-wise you can either introduce your own LCD convo (for me it would be either Strictly or Taytay's latest video for Look what you made me do) or put up with highbrow as you only have 48 hours to go. Or talk about something not slebby but that is interesting (The long read on the guardian about the 2011 tsunami for example was fascinating). As for you being unreasonable, I'm on the fence: at least they're talking, nowt worse than being with a couple where the conversation runs dry entirely.

OnlyRose · 01/09/2017 18:31

That kind of chat would bore me too! Just ask them what they think of the Khardashians/Bake Off/the Swedish royal baby/Game of Thrones, you might teach them something!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 01/09/2017 18:32

Start discussing plots in EastEnders. That should give them the hint. I would be saying BORING out loud under my breath. They sound very pretentious and draining. Don't let the fact that she is happy to go out as she is stop you from making an effort if you want to. Are they really lovely people? Do you really like them OP?

BIWI · 01/09/2017 18:34

Why would they be pretentious because of their choice of conversation?!

But more importantly, OP, why didn't you start a different type of conversation if you weren't enjoying the others?

chestylarue52 · 01/09/2017 18:34

Confused why you would have even asked what she was wearing, just be you.

Conversational topics I do feel for you. That can be quite wearing, especially endless talk about schools and interest rates.

Holidayhooray · 01/09/2017 18:34

Do you never start conversations?
Why don't you start something "light hearted"
I think the conversations sound really interesting and varied enough that I wouldn't get tired of them.

Ask them if they're watching any good box sets or similar.

As for clothes for tonight, wear exactly what you fancy. And she will too.

FNAF · 01/09/2017 18:34

I was going to say stick taytos new song and video in there, it's the only topic of conversation from my dds the last couple of days....

Original poster

Grassroots01 · 01/09/2017 18:36

Yes, I really, genuinely do like them I promise.

They are both professional, intelligent people so conversation can be serious with them, but normally only for a bit. It just seems like since they arrived on Monday evening, all conversations have been serious and well, just a bit dull. We've even been drunk once on Wednesday evening but it was STILL the same! I'm due on and think I've got PMT as I'm even starting to Q myself and DH's marriage as he seems perfectly happy!

OP posts:

MadgeMidgerson · 01/09/2017 18:37

Can't you just cope?

They aren't there to see you but your husband. How does he feel about all this?

Likewise I doubt anyone would be bothered is you went off for some you-time somewhere. Better that than forcing yourself through gritted teeth or worse, tried to make some sort of weird point by shifting conversation to inanities

OuchLegoHurts · 01/09/2017 18:38

I'm with you OP. I love good, intelligent conversations when I'm in the mood. I have two master's degrees and am well able for deep thinking. But I also like to switch off sometimes, and too much CONSTANT intellectual or political discussion can come across as trying way too hard to prove one's intelligence, I find. Stick on your clothes, makeup and heels and have fun...she'll be the one who looks inappropriate...and it's probably because she doesn't have the confidence in her looks/fashion sense to even try!

sonjadog · 01/09/2017 18:38

Sounds to me like the visit has being going on too long. Maybe future visits should be for a shorter length of time? They sounds nice, but just not a great fit with you as friends.

TulipsInAJug · 01/09/2017 18:39

just long for some conversation about clothes, hair or make up, celebrity gossip,

I can't think of anything more dull. When my friends or colleagues start talking about these kinds of things I just switch off. Your new friends sound a little worthy, but nice. I think I'd get along well with them.

PebblesFlintstone · 01/09/2017 18:41

People are interested in different things. If they weren't really interested in those subjects and were just talking about them to sound pretentious, I would have an issue with that, but it sounds as if those are genuinely their topics of interest. Maybe you just don't have much in common so you could try to make visits shorter in the future?

MadgeMidgerson · 01/09/2017 18:41

or maybe they just like talking about those things. Maybe they aren't trying to get one over on you, or prove how smart they are or whatever. Maybe it isn't about you at all.

Why would the fact that you haven't clicked exactly with your DH's friend and his wife make you question your marriage? That seems v odd indeed

MatildaTheCat · 01/09/2017 18:41

Does your second post mean she doesn't have any other clothes to change into? If so you need to change the venue, surely? Maybe they don't enjoy trendy places? If that's wrong then just say cheerfully that you'll both need to brush up a bit and get yourselves sorted and put on a bit of slap and then reward yourselves with wine.

On conversation get your dp on board and deflect the heavy topics with other subjects. Shared music, old friends, family members, food you enjoy, great holidays, favourite movies...just keep bring it back down to chat. And have a few drinks. Maybe they feel the need to impress you. Maybe they've just moved on and become some kind of intelligentsia in their minds.

Good luck and now go and get ready.

Gruach · 01/09/2017 18:43

Bet she does dress up.

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 01/09/2017 18:45

FNAF in our house it's my DD telling me to stop going on about it! It's just such chutzpah marketing. In the old days musicians with a beef would shoot each other, now it's sly digs central. But her marketing are damned good, "killing" all social media accounts, dropping the lyrics did first then using the VMAs for the premiere.
I like the fact that Right Said Fred have a co-writing credit best of all.
(I'm too sexy for my shirt/ Look what you made me do having similar rhythm to it allegedly).
I live for this stuff

Eolian · 01/09/2017 18:45

Sounds like normal topics of conversation to me I'm afraid, not particularly highbrow. The clothes thing is surely unconnected. Wear what you want to wear, and she'll do the same. You're not used to being around people who don't dress up and go to trendy bars, maybe she's not used to being around people who do, and she is your guest. It wouldn't remotely occur to me to take a glam outfit if I were going to stay with friends tbh.

zippydoodaar · 01/09/2017 18:46

I tire of anyone in my house after three days.

Holidayhooray · 01/09/2017 18:47

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling

That guardian article you mentioned - when was it in the paper?

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