To be tired of our guests constant 'high brow' conversation?

[Grassroots01]

We have had one of DH's old university friends and his wife down the last 4 days. They are going back on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, they are LOVELY, have known them for many years and usually get on really well with them and enjoy their company. However, this afternoon I just feel a bit fed up and have had to go off for some me time' as I am just tired of the conversations.

For the last 4 days straight it seems all we've spoken about is global warming, sea pollution, politics, gardening and herb plantation and lastly (just now) picked apart the English education system.

It's just not me I'm afraid. I'm not unintelligent and am educated to the same level as both of these people and my DH, but I differ from them, in that I don't enjoy 'high brow' (for want of a better expression) conversation for hours or days on end.

I had to get up and walk off earlier as I really just wanted to say 'I'm knackered, can we not just talk about light hearted subjects?' The wife is absolutely lovely, she really is and I do get on with her really well but tonight we are going out for a meal and then onto some (trendy) bars for some drinks. I'm just about to go and get ready and have asked her what she's wearing etc. She's just replied 'Oh I don't know, I might just go as I am (she's in jeans and a t-shirt?) my hair needs washing (it does) but I can't be bothered, and I suppose I should really put some make up on but I can't be bothered with that either'

I now feel a bit deflated and am wondering whether to bother wearing the heels, nice top and jeans that I had planned to, or do my hair and make up as I'm going to feel 'overdone' The trouble is my female friends would've made a bit of an effort, I'm not used to being around people who wouldn't.

God, I sound like such a cow. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel really tired and irritable today and just long for some conversation about clothes, hair or make up, celebrity gossip, anything other than politics, global warming or education.

AIBU?

OP, it's quite simple - you all just need to get pissed as farts and go clubbing after the meal.

WAAAAY overthinking this. You be you, let them be them, and if you aren't well-matched, then that's fine. Not everyone is destined to constantly get along like a house on fire.

Perhaps a quiet word with DH next time - or ahead time - to say 4 days was too long.

Benjamin Franklin famously said that guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

No. Sounds as though it is just far too long.

Perhaps the dressing up thing is because they're a bit tired, too?

It's probably not just you. I've been thinking and I don't think I know anyone who can manage unremitting seriousness for a week.

But, yes, I agree with the posters who say that a week is a long time to have guests.

they are staying with you too long. That is your problem. You know the saying - 3 days is too long for fish and guests.

If there's a specific dress code then you need to tell her!

I too would tire of 4 days of seemingly non stop intellectual based conversation. It would bore me to tears.

Make them play Cards Against Humanity. That should liven them up a bit

I'd prefer to be chatting about politics/education/gardening than celebs and make-up, and I don't own a pair of heels, so I don't think the guests are doing it to show off. I have plenty of silly conversations too, but they tend to be rather geeky and more along the lines of survival plans for a zombie apocalypse, or which house everyone would be sorted into at Hogwarts, or what will happen in Game of Thrones, or which Disney cartoon character is the sexiest or taking the piss out of a bad film or book or television programme, or discussing ones we enjoyed. Presumably you have some lightweight interests in common.

Tough one. I glaze over very quickly with conversations about subjects like celebrity tittle tattle, and relish being able to put the world to rights!

Relax. Start a different conversation until you find something you all want to talk about. If you want to dress up - do it. Let her wear what she wants to wear.

Please do update us about what she wore. I love gossip.

An over night visit is enough for me, unless it's family, then two days maximum. As for the conversations I would have nodded off after the first half hour.

You have my sympathy.
Having guests is tiring, especially for that long. I understand how you'd tire of the serious conversations/debates. I would long for a bit of fun and some humour, something less intense.

I would also feel a bit awkward getting dressed up when my companions weren't.

Perhaps you could take yourself off for a couple of hours this weekend just to recharge and have a break? Or come down with a "headache" tomorrow and lie down in a dark room for a while

Don't beat yourself up for feeling grumpy and a bit drained.

The problem here is that you've had to be sociable for far too long. About three nights too long. I love long meandering conversations about everything and anything, especially if I'm a bit pissed, and the only thing wrong with the topics you've listed, for me, is that they sound a bit depressing. I don't think it has to be EITHER global warming OR celeb gossip, as some people here suggest, however!

Also your remarks about her clothes/appearance are a bit bitchy, soz.

"They have been here since Monday evening, they're not going back until Sunday, it's nearly a week long stay which is FAR too long for me. I am a bit introverted and don't cope with guests particularly well. Any more than about 2 days and I do start to get a bit meh."

So why on earth did you agree to them staying for so long? Did your DH bully/guilt you into it? Do one or both of you have trouble being assertive?

They sound like my kind of conversations tbh, but then I'm tired of Disney princesses and Peppa Pig. As long as it's adult conversation lol.

But I find celebrity gossip and make-up totally dull.

Please say you told her about the dress code?

I have updated to say I didn't mean celebrity or make up specifically. Just ANYTHING lighthearted! I'm not some air head whose only topics of preferred conversation are celebrity gossip and make up. I couldn't actually hold a conversation about either of those for v long. They were just (obviously) poor examples.

I know this isn't popular, but I totally get you in regards to putting in effort to go out. My roommate and I, despite sharing all our clothes, have wildly different styles and outfit choices and I often find myself frustrated that she doesn't really dress up to go out because it makes me feel out of place in my outfit/effort, so often times I end up dressing down so we don't look like we are going on 2 different outings. I'm all about dirty hair and jeans and a t shirt but sometimes I wanna go dancing in a nice dress and some heels but would feel l looked like Kim K (overdone) next to my roomie who could be getting on a plane lol.

Yes, I've said I'm not sure she'd get in in jeans and trainers. She's moaned and groaned a lot about not being bothered about getting changed taxi will be here in 20 mins!

The trouble is my female friends would've made a bit of an effort, I'm not used to being around people who wouldn't

Poor you, having to spend time with a dowdy bluestocking when you could be discussing Hollyoaks with someone in 9-inch heels and a tonne of slap 😢😢😢

[this thread is a wind up, right?]

It's interesting that the expectations contradict each other to a point. You want down-market conversation but then upmarket appearances.. whereas she is totally the opposite

The dress code is smart, she won't even get into the restaurant in trainers and jeans. She's a clued up woman so she must realise that.

Was she angling to borrow something?

I think a lot of posters are being quite uppity and rude to the OP.

Ugh DH is like this. He doesn't mean to sound pretentious but all he wants to discuss is politics and the economy or what's on the news. When I talk with friends I want to know what's going on in their personal lives , mutual friends, our kids, or future plans, etc. gardening is fine . The conversation is far too heavy for the amount of time they are staying. Bit overwhelming.
Why not just tell her about the dress code. Seems unrelated.

I'm glad you brought it up because I was trying to find an inoffensive way to ask if your period was due. You just sound like an introvert who is very pre menstural (and yes I know everyone's different before the pile in starts). There's a reason I recognise the type

Only a couple more days & they'll be gone, hang in there.

Just dress in what you want, when it's nearly time to go just say 'Are we still going to X 🤔?' and take it from there. She chose it, so feel free to point out the dress code wont let her in, in trainers.

I hate getting dressed up, I'd much rather go somewhere relaxed, so I'd have chosen somewhere more casual, but if she has chosen a fancy restaurant I'd also have brought suitable clothes.

Think of some things you can chat about & keep changing the conversations if you're bored, or zone out & think of other things, let them get on with thrilling conversations about herbaceous plants.

What would you like to do tomorrow? Can you get DH onside to go out with them for the day & you stay home citing a dodgy tummy/headache?

Oh bog off Very.

We have 3 dogs that have been slobbering all over her jeans and t shirt all day. We have been out walking said dogs in muddy fields, trainers are a bit worse for wear.

You might be happy going out to a Michelin star restaurant dressed like that, but I wouldn't be, and I doubt the majority of the clientele there tonight would either.

I'm a country bumpkin, have 3 dogs, 4 horses, chickens and regularly spend my days covered in mud, slobber, make up free etc but when I go OUT into our nearest city for a night out/ drinks, yes, I do do my hair, put a bit of make up on and change. So shoot me.