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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tired of our guests constant 'high brow' conversation?

192 replies

Grassroots01 · 01/09/2017 18:24

We have had one of DH's old university friends and his wife down the last 4 days. They are going back on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, they are LOVELY, have known them for many years and usually get on really well with them and enjoy their company. However, this afternoon I just feel a bit fed up and have had to go off for some me time' as I am just tired of the conversations.

For the last 4 days straight it seems all we've spoken about is global warming, sea pollution, politics, gardening and herb plantation and lastly (just now) picked apart the English education system.

It's just not me I'm afraid. I'm not unintelligent and am educated to the same level as both of these people and my DH, but I differ from them, in that I don't enjoy 'high brow' (for want of a better expression) conversation for hours or days on end.

I had to get up and walk off earlier as I really just wanted to say 'I'm knackered, can we not just talk about light hearted subjects?' The wife is absolutely lovely, she really is and I do get on with her really well but tonight we are going out for a meal and then onto some (trendy) bars for some drinks. I'm just about to go and get ready and have asked her what she's wearing etc. She's just replied 'Oh I don't know, I might just go as I am (she's in jeans and a t-shirt?) my hair needs washing (it does) but I can't be bothered, and I suppose I should really put some make up on but I can't be bothered with that either'

I now feel a bit deflated and am wondering whether to bother wearing the heels, nice top and jeans that I had planned to, or do my hair and make up as I'm going to feel 'overdone' The trouble is my female friends would've made a bit of an effort, I'm not used to being around people who wouldn't.

God, I sound like such a cow. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel really tired and irritable today and just long for some conversation about clothes, hair or make up, celebrity gossip, anything other than politics, global warming or education.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 01/09/2017 19:45

DustBunny, my DH is like that, he loves discussing the news and politics, and when we go out, not very often, we talk about his job. Still, at least it's not Disney princesses or Barbie (I absolutely hate those films!!).

bakingaddict · 01/09/2017 19:47

The not being bothered about getting dressed up and wanting to stay as she is may be a ruse to get out of paying for the Michelin starred restaurant. You do need to make yourself reasonably presentable when going to any restaurant. Dirty hair and trainers is a bit of a faux pas unless you're going to Maccies

VeryCunningStunt · 01/09/2017 19:48

and it's probably because she doesn't have the confidence in her looks/fashion sense to even try!

Why is it 'probably' that? I despise 'dressing up' and wearing make up, but I don't lack confidence at all. Is it not equally likely that people who need to be 'done up' to go out lack confidence in their looks? I think my face is lovely as it is, without needing any adjustments or enhancements.

anothermalteserplease · 01/09/2017 19:49

I would be grumpy too OP. I hope she gets into the restaurant and you can enjoy a nice meal. Drink some wine, go dancing and have a long lie to recover. Let your H host tomorrow.

Mittens1969 · 01/09/2017 19:49

Just tell her that she can't get in to the restaurant dressed like that, OP. Sometimes people like that really aren't clued up about restaurants. Academic with no common sense maybe? You'll need to spell it out to her rather than moan about it on here.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 01/09/2017 19:50

I get you OP I really do, get dressed up & fuck whatever she's wearing, her problem not yours.
Only 2 more days to go, don't make the long stay mistake again.

anothermalteserplease · 01/09/2017 19:52

Very if you're going to a Michelin starred restaurant then you should at least change out of dog slobbered clothes and muddy trainers.

goose1964 · 01/09/2017 19:52

I'd be useless at any conversation regarding soaps, strictly etc can do GoT though, not really interested in gaining or beauty either, maybe they're like me and DD and the rest of our family although it's more like Geek Centra rather than highbrow

VeryCunningStunt · 01/09/2017 19:52

Oh bog off Very

No problem, I'm bog right off.

Hopefully it is just a case of you being premenstrual and you aren't usually so mardy and judgemental. It's to your credit that you've admitted that you're being a cow about her.

sonjadog · 01/09/2017 19:53

Report back on if she has dressed up or not.

mctat · 01/09/2017 19:56

'it's probably because she doesn't have the confidence in her looks/fashion sense to even try!'

This just sounds needlessly bitchy.

Op, you've got pmt and have had 3 days of this, your feelings are fair enough. She sounds like she's trying to tell you she's tired (maybe after 3 days of hard work conversations!) and isn't up for a big night out. Also totally fair enough. See how she feels when you've had a little drink together and have a Plan B if she's tired/not into it. She's a guest.

But I do understand what you mean as 3 days of guests is hard work and pmt sucks! Totally agree with this :

'Great conversation is a mix, isn't it, of the serious and the frivolous, and it is inclusive. '

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/09/2017 19:56

I got stuck on a lunch with colleagues with different people from usual and the chat was interest rates and Brexit Hmm What a waste of an hour.

Fuckthisentirething · 01/09/2017 19:57

Mittens : "Academic with no common sense..."

Really? Sick of experts, are you? Your uninformed "opinion" as good as my peer-reviewed, research-informed facts?

Contempt for intelligence is just rife isn't it?

If I write "fuck you" do I get deleted?

BIWI · 01/09/2017 20:03

It's bizarre that people who enjoy talking about things that are topical/political or even intellectual are deemed pretentious.

OP - I hope you told her for definite that there's a dress code, not just that you thought she might not get in ... Hmm

user1497357411 · 01/09/2017 20:03

We have friends who do that - The wife used to have a go at me for being superficial because I like to dress up. I am just old fashioned in that respect. I was taught that it is a sign of respect towards the people you visit that you do an effort with your appearance when you visit them. Also my husband likes me with make up on. However, at one get-together some years ago, when we were several couples gathered, she started to boast about how she made absolutely no effort with her appearance and she didn't notice how her DH got increasingly angry as she boasted. At the next party, she wore a bit of make up and had new clothes. I had by that time known her for 4 years and had never before seen her in new clothes. She hadn't considered her DHs feelings on the subject. I guess that up until then he had thought that she was just clueless about appearance, but when she boasted he realized she took pride in being as plain as possible, because according to her that is the correct way of behaving and also being as plain as possible was being a proper feminist.

BIWI · 01/09/2017 20:06

Oh fuck off with the anti-feminist shit.

Some of us don't like dressing up. Some do. It's absolutely nothing to do with feminism.

And as for the idea of pleasing your husband - what century are you living in?

user1497357411 · 01/09/2017 20:06

I should say that when I dress up, I don't mean fake tan or anything like that. Just a bit of make up, brushed hair and a skirt instead of trousers. But the way she talked to me, you should have thougth I had fake tan, botox, breast implants, fake nails and the latest hair style. ( I cut my own hair)

BIWI · 01/09/2017 20:07

However. I notice, OP, that you're new to MN. I'm wondering why you joined to post this?

user1497357411 · 01/09/2017 20:08

When you love someone you like to please them. That is not antifeminist. That is human. And you sound just like her. Oh no, better not do anything my husband would like, then I am not a proper feminist. Got to annoy him as much as possible, because that is being a true feminist. NO IT F...ING ISN'T!

pictish · 01/09/2017 20:08

I don't think you're a cow, I think the visit is too long. I'd also scrub up for a snooty restaurant. I haven't taken you as vacuous either. It's just guests...three days max. No longer.

specialsubject · 01/09/2017 20:08

Nothing in common - you probably bore them too. No one is wrong.

Going to a restaurant in dirty clothes is not on. And I am surprised that it hasn't occurred to her that pricey places tend to mandate outfits. ( a good reason to go elsewhere in my opinion)

However makeup and hairdo is optional and bears no relation to personality.

oldlaundbooth · 01/09/2017 20:09

Love how the OP is being picked apart for SHOCKER wanting to look good on a night out Confused Dress how you want, please.

Lesson learnt OP - don't invite people whoever they are or however bloody clever they think they are to stay a full week.

And please talk about GoT, bake off, celebs etc etc. It's your night too.

VioletCharlotte · 01/09/2017 20:09

Oh god, I know a few people Ike this. All very nice, but so, well, educated.

I have enough of having to try to be intelligent at workS When I'm relaxing I just want to gossip and talk about rubbish that I don't have to think about.

BIWI · 01/09/2017 20:09

@user1497357411 you have no clue.

StealthPolarBear · 01/09/2017 20:12

so what happened?