To be tired of our guests constant 'high brow' conversation?

[Grassroots01]

We have had one of DH's old university friends and his wife down the last 4 days. They are going back on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, they are LOVELY, have known them for many years and usually get on really well with them and enjoy their company. However, this afternoon I just feel a bit fed up and have had to go off for some me time' as I am just tired of the conversations.

For the last 4 days straight it seems all we've spoken about is global warming, sea pollution, politics, gardening and herb plantation and lastly (just now) picked apart the English education system.

It's just not me I'm afraid. I'm not unintelligent and am educated to the same level as both of these people and my DH, but I differ from them, in that I don't enjoy 'high brow' (for want of a better expression) conversation for hours or days on end.

I had to get up and walk off earlier as I really just wanted to say 'I'm knackered, can we not just talk about light hearted subjects?' The wife is absolutely lovely, she really is and I do get on with her really well but tonight we are going out for a meal and then onto some (trendy) bars for some drinks. I'm just about to go and get ready and have asked her what she's wearing etc. She's just replied 'Oh I don't know, I might just go as I am (she's in jeans and a t-shirt?) my hair needs washing (it does) but I can't be bothered, and I suppose I should really put some make up on but I can't be bothered with that either'

I now feel a bit deflated and am wondering whether to bother wearing the heels, nice top and jeans that I had planned to, or do my hair and make up as I'm going to feel 'overdone' The trouble is my female friends would've made a bit of an effort, I'm not used to being around people who wouldn't.

God, I sound like such a cow. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel really tired and irritable today and just long for some conversation about clothes, hair or make up, celebrity gossip, anything other than politics, global warming or education.

AIBU?

Bet she does dress up

I have experienced that before, the ''friend'' hoping i would fall for it and getting all glammed up having told me she was going as was. I always make an effort so it was pointless really to lie.

They're not talking about 'schools and interest rates'. They're just, you know, talking. Celeb gossip doesn't fry their onion (nor mine, come to that). She hasn't brought any heels - maybe, like me, she doesn't possess any.

They sound fine. Normal.

I think you need to be bolder and grab the conversation.

If you live somewhere where entrance to nice bars depends on no trainers, you need to say. There are lots of places where that isn't the case. London, for example, is often very dressed down.

As for conversation: find a meeting point. Sounds to me like the gardening was an attempt at a meeting ground. Food is another good one. Which world culture is the best for eating/cooking? Why?

I wouldn't be able to do celebrity gossip, hair, make-up. I could manage a bit of a conversation about bloggers and I find MLM fascinating. That could be added into a conversation about make-up in a way that makes it interesting for everyone.

You need to push it in your direction a bit.

Having said that, I think we've all been there. Great conversation is a mix, isn't it, of the serious and the frivolous, and it is inclusive. It's been years since I've found myself in situations where heavy conversation has dominated and I don't think I'd like it any more than you.

God, I'd hate to have to go to any bar that I'd have to dress up for.

you do sound a bit grumpy op
Gardening isn't a very high brow conversation really. Agree it sounds like you are just rubbing each other up the wrong way on this visit, as you get on well other times. have you read any good (not highbrow) books recently which you can discuss, or seen any films?

They sound nice! I love a good serious conversation, and know fuck all about celebrities/soaps (unless The Archers counts)/sport/pop culture.

I think you should explain that she might feel a little underdressed if she goes out in jeans and trainers though. I'm a country bumpkin and it wouldn't occur to me to dress up for a meal and drink out, because people don't tend to round here, we just pick the straw out of our hair and hose the muck off our wellies.

I'd be mortified if I went out in jeans and t-shirt and everyone else had tarted themselves up.

They've stayed to long - more than 3 days is too much. Even the loveliest people get annoying by day 4, like that fish saying. If you'd had 4 days of hair and gossip you'd be thinking can't we have one sensible conversation
Dress up if you enjoy it and suggest someone else comes too so you get a different dynamic.

Here you go holiday

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/aug/24/the-school-beneath-the-wave-the-unimaginable-tragedy-of-japans-tsunami

It's because the book Ghosts of the tsunami came out yesterday.
It led me to watch the BBC documentary Children of the Tsunami and to also buy the book Fukushima by Mark Willacy which was very good.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. Benjamin Franklin

Your mistake was in having them to stay for 4 days. Unless they're the kind of people who will go out and do their own thing, you need to keep the visits shorter.

I may be antisocial but 2 nights is my max, personally.

Also her comment about getting ready (or not!) for going out was not about you. It was about her. I don't see why you'd change your plans to make a bit of effort just because she can't be arsed.

YANBU about the endless highbrow conversation btw - hence shorter visits!

I hope they are not on MN, because their next visit will be interesting!

Maybe they've come to your house and are talking about these subjects because they are incredibly bored having to talk about sleb gossip and soap opera with their neighbours at home?

I don't really understand what you mean when you say it's exhausting. The sheer tedium of having to waste time talking about slebs and soaps, when you want to discuss interesting stuff with interesting people, is pretty exhausting IMO.

Also, isn't gardening light hearted? Boring, but hardly high-brow.

But yeah, everyone's boring after 4 days

Even Bertrand Russell or George Clooney

^ and by fascinating, I mean from the psychological perspective of not being able to divert from protocol/group think/bystander effect/cultural differences/hierarchy/wwyd. I went on to read more/research and some of the stories made me cry my heart out. Also, how the sliding doors scenario also fits in terms of changing the narrative/how we look for someone to blame but how a decision could make someone else the bad guy in a second.
The article below was also beautifully written but be aware you will end up sobbing.

www.gq.com/story/japan-tohoku-tsunami-earthquake-disaster

I love socialising but I do find it tiring for some reason. I guess it's the mental effort of making conversation.

I got chucked out of a bar with a no trainers rule once for trying to smuggle some shoes out for someone who couldn't get in

Tbh there's plenty of nice bars without such stringent dress codes. The beer is usually nicer and less of a rip off, too.

DH and I are fairly well educated but more likely to discuss led light fittings or the best way to fix holes in plasterboard than have anything other than a brief conversation about politics.

They sound a bit serious for me! We are 'educated professionals' and spend a lot of time with similarly qualified friends-our best friends are a doctor/dentist couple. They are probably two of the most intelligent people I know. Both can be smutty, incredibly puerile and silly (as are we) and that is why I love them . We talk about a huge mix of things but it's generally not boring!

Not suprised you are irritable with guests over for a week and pms! I think you need to take tonight as an opportunity to change the tone of the conversations and see if they get the hint! If not, could you invite one of your friends over to natter with for an evening?
YANBU, not even for being a 'grumpy moo'

Why should she "make an effort"? Will the husbands be expected to do any more than she's doing? Yanbu for wanting to chat about something different, but then why aren't you? Who is stopping you?

Yabvu in the comments about her dress.

Sorry, I don't think I made myself particularly clear.

Celeb gossip, make up etc I don't particularly enjoy talking about- or at least not for long periods of time. I didn't necessarily mean those topics specifically, I just meant ANYTHING lighthearted e.g TV series, good/ bad films seen in cinema lately, general gossip from people we know, work gossip etc etc. You know, just general everyday chit chat.

In all honesty, we have been having late nights and fairly early mornings so I think I'm just premenstrual and tired.

They have been here since Monday evening, they're not going back until Sunday, it's nearly a week long stay which is FAR too long for me. I am a bit introverted and don't cope with guests particularly well. Any more than about 2 days and I do start to get a bit meh. It's now been 4 days and I think conversation is just running dry in general and I'm just wanting my house and space back.

The restaurant we are going to is a Michilen starred restaurant, chosen by them (their treat for us which is incredibly kind) it is in our home city though so they have never been before. I have. The dress code is smart, she won't even get into the restaurant in trainers and jeans. She's a clued up woman so she must realise that.

Send them over my way, I don't really know much about celeb stuff and struggle to find anyone interesting to talk to. I would dress up if I was going out out, but just for a drink I don't think I would, I think you need to tell her the kind of place you fancy going so she doesn't feel out of place.

You know you are involved in the convo ... use your gob and manipulate it into a comfortable arena.
Also just wear your nice clothes - If the places are trendy then she'll stick out not you

I have tried to steer the conversation onto more lighthearted subjects, it has just been met with the odd comment and not much else, hence my frustration and me venting on here.

I honestly don't normally find them hard work so I'm wondering whether it's me or them.

They sound interesting - I have no clue about the Kardashians etc (though I don't judge people who do) so those conversations bore me silly. At least this is something you like talking about! Honestly, it sounds like it's just hormones.

I did watch Educating Greater Manchester last night & I bought a Clarins mascara at the weekend after throwing the entire contents of my make up bag in the bin as they were barely used but at least 6 years old.That's the closest I could got to celebs, hair & make up chat I'm afraid.

They sound brilliant. Send 'em round to me.