To be tired of our guests constant 'high brow' conversation?

[Grassroots01]

We have had one of DH's old university friends and his wife down the last 4 days. They are going back on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, they are LOVELY, have known them for many years and usually get on really well with them and enjoy their company. However, this afternoon I just feel a bit fed up and have had to go off for some me time' as I am just tired of the conversations.

For the last 4 days straight it seems all we've spoken about is global warming, sea pollution, politics, gardening and herb plantation and lastly (just now) picked apart the English education system.

It's just not me I'm afraid. I'm not unintelligent and am educated to the same level as both of these people and my DH, but I differ from them, in that I don't enjoy 'high brow' (for want of a better expression) conversation for hours or days on end.

I had to get up and walk off earlier as I really just wanted to say 'I'm knackered, can we not just talk about light hearted subjects?' The wife is absolutely lovely, she really is and I do get on with her really well but tonight we are going out for a meal and then onto some (trendy) bars for some drinks. I'm just about to go and get ready and have asked her what she's wearing etc. She's just replied 'Oh I don't know, I might just go as I am (she's in jeans and a t-shirt?) my hair needs washing (it does) but I can't be bothered, and I suppose I should really put some make up on but I can't be bothered with that either'

I now feel a bit deflated and am wondering whether to bother wearing the heels, nice top and jeans that I had planned to, or do my hair and make up as I'm going to feel 'overdone' The trouble is my female friends would've made a bit of an effort, I'm not used to being around people who wouldn't.

God, I sound like such a cow. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel really tired and irritable today and just long for some conversation about clothes, hair or make up, celebrity gossip, anything other than politics, global warming or education.

AIBU?

Don't you think it's just because you've been with them too long?
We have just returned from a five day holiday trip with a couple we love.
However the last two days I could have cheerfully thrown em overboard. Her with her constant shopping and him with his restricted diet governing all our restaurant choices!
There's a good reason house parties are for the weekend - 2 nights is long enough! Your visitors have overstayed.

How was the meal? Did she get changed?

I wouldn't consider the subjects you listed as high brow, just interesting but each to his own. I have friends who I can talk about politics, the state of the planet etc with and those I can't but I understand where you're coming from because talk about hair and make up and celebrities would bore me rigid within a matter of seconds. It's ok for their topics of conversation to not interest you, it just means that your friendship isn't suited to extended periods in their company.

If they are primary your H's friends and he's enjoying their company, is there a particular reason for you to be constantly in their company? The comments about her choice of going out attire apparently being attributed to her being to cool to give a crap, says more about you than it does about her.

They don't sound like your type of people and that's ok.

I'm an introvert. Guests for a week would be far too much for me.

You sound drained by the conversations and your guests and dh don't seem to care or notice. Then your guests invite you out but don't want to bother to shower or dress appropriately. I'd be pretty cheesed off as well.

If we were to turn it round and her op would look like this. "We stayed with friends of dh for a week. We talked about (x,y,z), went to bed late and got up early. His wife seemed disinterested in the conversation at times and tried to steer them round to boring things the rest of us aren't interested in. So we talked about the stuff we liked instead. We planned to take them out to a Michelin Star restaurant as a thank you for putting us up. I couldn't be bothered to have a shower and get changed as I was tired after a busy day. She told me I shouldn't wear the t-shirt, jeans and trainers I'd been wearing all day on country dog walks to a Michelin Star restaurant because I probably wouldn't get in. WIBU to feel annoyed by his wife?"

You'd probably get all sorts of people saying her poor hostess was probably exhausted, needed a break and early night and they were rude for not giving her a break and she was a minger.

They sound nice people but I get you op. I love having 'high brow' conversations sometimes, but it's good to mix things up a bit. Some of my favourite evenings spent with a dear friend would consist of-
Lots of wine
General chat
More wine
Watching a recording of 'The Matthew Wright Show'
Pausing said recording and discussing the chosen topic
More wine
Deeper, ;meaningful chat
Wine again and lots of crisps

Music on and DANCING
Random and hilarious chat

I hope you enjoy your evening - It's so sweet of them to treat you and your DH to the fab meal. Perhaps you could offer to lend her your shoes just in case the restuarant is very strict on the no trainers policy? Then enjoy getting yourself ready, (with a glass of wine!) and know that you'll soon have your home back. xx

I think op is having a hard time here.
Yes, 4 days is too long. 2 is better.
But serious indepth conversations, only fur so long.
You do need a bit of lighthearted, trivial stuff aswell.

And yes, I would expect someone to change out of the jeans and trainers they'd been wearing all day, if you are all going to a Michelin starred restaurant, that they chose to book. That just making an effort.

Some of the comments, by pp, to OP were nasty!!

and so, what happened last night?

There's no one really who I can cope with happily staying here on a visit longer than 2 nights, apart from my 8 year old niece, who is mostly as good as gold, and lovely company. My DDs play with her and if she starts to become a little madam I can tell her off. So much easier lol!

But I often have to entertain my MIL for periods of 5 days to a week and that's very wearing. She's great with her GDDs mostly and they love having her. But when we're all together she talks about things that just aren't (I'd rather it was DH actually). She loves to talk about her neighbours who I don't know or her old aunts. Or things that she wants DH's help with.

She's fine to have around here for 2 nights because she does entertain the DDs, and she's fine in small doses. But by the end I'm desperate for her to go home, and actually she's becoming fed up with my DDs so it works both ways.

It's easier now I ask my DH to take annual leave when she's staying as far as possible. It doesn't always work because we need his leave for other things.

Sorry, I meant to say, she loves talking about things that aren't interesting to children at all.

Well?!!! Did she change?!!

She did change, yes!

The meal was lovely, amazing food (can totally recommend to any Gloucester folk!)

We only ended up going to one bar in the end, but we all did get a bit rat arsed and, actually conversation was definitely more lighthearted and humourous by the end of the evening. The alcohol definitely helped everyone relax and loosen up a bit!

We're taking them out for the day today, cinema tonight to see a film we've all agreed on and then they depart tomorrow. It'll be 6 days tomorrow and that is definitely too long for any guests for me I'm afraid.

Next time it'll be two nights max!

Glad it went well.

I would have found that too much too. I like to have a bit of a laugh too.

This would make me feel as if I'm taking an exam or going to a job interview

I'm very glad it worked out well; nothing like alcohol when you all need to loosen up. At least she isn't teetotal lol, a lot of very serious and earnest people can be.

At least she isn't teetotal lol, a lot of very serious and earnest people can be.

I'd be OP's absolute worst nightmare.

(Not that I'd stay with someone like her for six days)

I probably would too, I love serious conversations and can't be arsed dressing up to go out sometimes (though not if I'm as mucky as OP is describing).

I do like to have some wine when I go out though.

I meant, I do have a bath and freshen up in such circumstances, not to bother if that dirty is a bit grim.

Just for future reference, could those of you who consider what the OP's vistors talked about 'high-brow' topics say what you would ideally like to talk about on a dinner and drinks evening out?

How is gardening high-brow?

Gardening is just a bit boring and middle aged

The teetotal comment wasn't made by me Vestal, so not quite sure why you're being quite so venemous.

I think I siad on my OP 'high brow' for want of a better word. I appreciate not all of those topics are 'high brow' I just couldn't think of another way to describe them at the time...serious topics then.

I just wanted a bit of humour this past week that's all, they'd been here 4 days as of last night and to be honest, until last night we all hadn't really...laughed. It was all just serious discussion about politics, global warming, the English education system etc etc. These topics are fine, but not all the bloody time. I need to laugh, I need a bit of light entertainment.

Gardening....well....it's just a bit meh. We're all 29/30, I can think of more interesting topics of conversation for where we all are in our lives right now. We all have good, active social lives, 'hobbies' etc. I don't mind discussing gardening for a bit, but all 3 of them got v engrossed and were wittering on for about 45 minutes. I zoned out in the end and went on my phone. Probably rude but it's just not my thing. (DH does all our gardening )

I don't much care for gardening myself to me, it's pretty much outdoor housework but the passionate gardeners I know are all twenty- and thirtysomething urban hipsters with man buns over-represented, who make city honey from rooftop hives etc.

But that's why I'm asking -- if current affairs, gardening, education are unappealing topics of conversation, what topics are interesting/appropriate/light-hearted, according to you (you collectively, I mean)?

It's not so much about the topics though, it's the tone and how things are discussed. Zero humour etc, for 4 days straight is depressing.

Last night when conversations turned to lighter topics, we were laughing and discusssing things that had happened in the past (drunken evenings and antics etc) we spoke of mutual friends and what they were all up to, spoke about game of thrones, an upcoming wedding we are all attending in October, our respective careers and work, the good and bad bits at the moment. Just general chit chat as opposed to putting the world to rights I guess.

Amazed that there are essentially people arguing on this thread that a night without even a hint of humour is somehow superior. Let alone 4 nights straight.

Glad the night out with them went well Grass - sounds like a vast improvement!

You know that YABU for inviting guests to say for ...6 nights!

That is way too much, I don't care how lovely the friends are, I'd have been itching to have my space back by night 2 or 3. 4 or 5 would have been torture. I'd have invented a scenario in which I had to leave and book myself a holiday elsewhere by night 6. Well done for surviving!

Amazed that there are essentially people arguing on this thread that a night without even a hint of humour is somehow superior

Who said there was no humour?

Ooh what was the restaurant? I didn't think Gloucester had any Michelin star restaurants, unless you went to The Butcher's Arms in Eldersfield?