DP and parents AGAIN

[thetwocultures]

I know this is bloody stupid but these little things just give me headaches

I know some people on here have followed my previous posts about DP and my parents not getting along. They don't see each other and don't talk due to working together in the past.

My AIBU:

I'm going to see my parents today with DS, my DDad text me yesterday asking if I could bring DSs bike seat as they were thinking of going for a ride.

The bikes are kept in a garage at DPs office (he's self employed). I asked DP if the bike seat is hard to take off and he said it's a bit of a faff as its screwed on etc. and asked me why - I told him DDad asked as they wanted to go for a bike ride etc. Immediate awkward/weird atmosphere.
I asked DP if he's in the office in the morning so I could pop in on my way there and he didn't really reply (about half and hour before this he mentioned that he's in the office most of the day BTW). Asked if he wouldn't mind having a look for me if I come up as I'd like to take it with me.
Again no real answer, I left it for the night I know most subjects re my DPs put his back up.

This morning before going to work he told me that the bike seat is not a good idea, and that I know how he feels about the situation and that he doesn't want to get involved in anything to do with my DP(arents). He also said it would be a pain to take off and put back on. And he said I would probably be unable to do it myself if I came and would then ask him and he doesn't want to get involved. He reiterated he's happy for me to stuff with them etc but doesn't want anything to do with it/wants to be kept separate. I was sat there a bit
I asked him what he expects to happen and he said they should buy their own bike seat. (DS is two and this will be the first and probably only time until at least next year that they take him for a ride hardly worth the £££s)

He then gave me a kiss as he was getting ready to leave, I just said that this just makes it harder for me and didn't really speak. He left for work.

AIBU to be put off that he's unwilling to even help me if I need it? I understand he doesn't get on or want anything to do with my parents (even though I found it extremely sad and upsetting in the past) but this just seems petty.

Also AIBU to think that expecting someone to shell out for a bike seat that might be used 2 X times a year IF that is a bit crap? Especially as it means that we can't go for a bike ride today as we won't have a seat?

I'm tempted to just go up and try and take the bloody thing off myself but I think I probably won't be able to as I'm terrible at it. I'm just annoyed

He is "getting involved" just as much by obstructing you and making it difficult for you just as much as if he just sorted the damn bike seat out.

Does he want you to stop seeing your parents? I think that's what he's trying to achieve here.

If you are talking about on of the baby seats they aren't designed to be moved around, but surely you can undo screws and put them in a bag?

Can't you just take the seat off yourself? I'd be annoyed by him being so patronising to say you wouldn't be able to - surely it just unscrews?

The situation of them not speaking sounds exhausting- can't it be resolved? They don't have to be best friends but being civil would be beneficial for everyone

I wouldn't be bothering with the bike seat even if there weren't the family tensions - it's a complete faff to take off and put on again, it's not even at home, they are only 'thinking' of going for a ride that may not happen, it's not something that's done regularly. So in itself its a bit pointless even if DH was willing. As it is, on top of being a potentially pointless faff it's also highlighted the problems between DH and DPs. Personally I'd tell DPs no bike seat, leave DH out of it and find something else to do.

Didn't your parents try to or suceeddd in ripping you and dh off lots of money?

Its not difficult to remove a bike seat, used to swap mine between bikes frequently and it doesnt take long either. Google the make so you know the alan key or screwdriver needed and go get it.

Take it off your self, your child shouldn't miss out, you defiantly can do it, it's really easy couple of screws I do it all the time, honestly just try it it's really basic. Just follow round the frame where it sits on the bike and you will see the attachments.

Just do it yourself.

Don't rely on either party to help where the other is involved because I think it'll just cause you heartache.

@Ledkr no, they were involved in the same company. Mainly their actions made it fail. And DMs dismissal made her go nuts. DM took a severance package yes - it was the wrong thing to do but she was in her rights to do so. DP is still stewing about that one.

They have questionable traits and I've learned to make more boundaries which I struggled with in the past.

DP often says how he thinks I should have a relationship with them and DS should see his DGPs and he won't get in the way etc. But it feels like he's being petty ATM.

Unfortunately I'm worried I won't be able to take it off, I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to stuff like that. And also pg.

Taking off a bike seat can be a bit of a faff, especially when you are in 'working mode'.

Don't know the reasons for the fall out but surely you can suggest doing something else for the day?

He's being deliberately obstructive by refusing to help you - he can say he doesn't want anything to do with them but is trying to stop you doing it too.

I do remember a bit and remember being shocked by it.
Your dh sounds as if he's still furious with them so finds it hard to be rational or do anything remotely linked to them which I can't blame him for to be honest.
BUT if you are going to stay together the two of you need to communicate regularly about it and decide on what is reasonable.
I was very angry with my in laws for years and what helped was dh listening to me and agreeing with my point of view.
It enabled me to move on.

I can't judge his actions without knowing what they did. If they've screwed him (and effectively your son) out of money then meh he should stick two fingers up to them and never lift a finger for them.

You tube video to takeoff seat!
Fuck men doing all that stuff anyway, you can do it.

Just tell them that the bike seat isn't doable.

If it's a faff there's no reason for either of you to bother with it, is there?

Sounds as if there's a big backstory!

@Ledkr the whole situation could be in one of those terrible 5000 episodes type telenovela (not jealousy)

I think he's a lot angrier than he lets on.

It's been hard, we've been to counselling (for me mostly as I couldn't deal with the fall out). I've learned to accept they just don't get along. But it still makes me teary thinking how we don't even come together as families as Christmas and other events.

He used to moan for weeks at a time about having to move the car seat from my parents car to his car back when they were allowed to see DS on their own and would drop him off back with DP, and how it's such a faff etc etc until I gave in and bought my own car seat.

And also pg.

I realise that this isn't particularly a thread about your own relationship with your DH (although I suppose it is in part) but am frequently saddened that there are so many threads where various issues/relationships are clearly strained and then the OP ends up saying 'and I am pregnant'.

@diddl but the bike seat is doable. He just doesn't want to help because it involves them.

I won't really say anything as it's just going to give my parents even more grounds to try and prove how unreasonable he is.

Just suggest doing something else with your DPs that doesn't involve faffing about.

he said I would probably be unable to do it myself

Quite right, woman!

Get back to your embroidery and kittens this instant!

That's properly petty, that is.
Just go and start trying to take the bike seat off.
If you can't do it, he'll probably help you anyway.