AIBU expect friends to ask how my baby is

[Parttimeworkingmummy2017]

AIBU to expect some life long friends (uni) to ask how my baby is doing? My daughter is 9 months old and since she has born they have played little to no interest in her - seen her twice at most despite one of them living 5 minutes round the corner, granted some live up to 1 hour drive. However they rarely rarely even ask how she is via message. Tonight we met up for dinner, a small group of us, and not one of them asked how my daughter is, not even a passing comment. I sat there for nearly two hours and ended up making my excuses and left because I was so upset about it.

To be clear I'm not expecting to talk babies all night (none have kids although one is heavily pregnant and she spoke at length about her pregnancy). I've been friends with them for 11 years and whilst we only meet every 1-2 months I would still describe them as 'close' friends. I am starting to get more and more upset about their lack of interest in my daughter but AIBU????

Here's what I'd expect.

Meet friends
Hugs/kisses and "how are you my lovely, you're looking so well, how are DP and little one?"

Reply 'oh lovely to see you too, yes both fine, shall we get wine?"

That's normal in my view.

Agree, although with a group the dynamics can be a bit different and often it's more just "hello" or "hi" as folk alredy busy chatting when you join them.
I do find this all a bit sexist. I can't imagine a bloke coming home from an evening with his mates and having a sulk because no-one asked how his kids were. You're expected to be interested in people's kids just because you are female.
If you want to talk about your baby just talk about her, just keep it brief unless everyone wants to spend ages chatting about their kids.

I went out for drinks last night and NOT A SINGLE ONE of my friends asked how my cat was.

You need new friends. Pretty much all mine talk about is our cats. None of us have children.

To be honest I ask about people's children out of politeness but I don't actually care that much. Hearing people talk about their babies is like hearing people describe their dreams. Important to them, dull to everyone else.

I knew I'd read a riff on this before . www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2892421-AIBU-or-were-my-friends-just-being-mean

Yeah other peoples kids are still boring.

I've learned not to ask how babies are - new parents seem to overshare...

I do think it's a bit unkind not to ask because you find babies boring. Why do you think your subjects are any more interesting to other people? Any subject can be over shared and become boring.

Dances Awwwww! Now that's a baby I'd have a long conversation about. In fact that's a baby I'd suggest bringing along - even to a Hen Weekend

Otters, you come round and we can share cat picture and wine.

Oh no, even worse than a baby bore is a cat bore!

YANBU thats just plain rude i agree with passmethecrisps & qcumber its not about you wanting a full blown ten hour conversation about your kids but its about bieng polite and a good enough friend to bother askingg! Some people are ignorant and only care about themselves/their own problems/lives. Get some new (better) friends IMO . Dont listen to people on here telling you YABU bcos you arent!

That's so weird! Most of my friends ask how my DS is before they ask about me! It was definitely not "precious" to get upset at them for not asking.

She loves tinsel, Otter. She has tinsel all year round.

It is precious to not say anything and get yourself worked up about it. Surely when you're talking you would mention your DC?

When I meet my friends - whether they have children or not, there is just an easy flow of conversation. And some things enter your head to ask and some things don't. I'd find it really strange if someone left in upset because I didn't ask them about X, Y or Z while they didn't mention it themselves and it's never occured to me to be bothered if they haven't asked me specific questions.

We all know the question "how's the family?" is cursory but very rude to not to ask it. I suspect though OP that you wouldn't be happy just giving the cursory answer "the baby is doing great thanks" and would actually want to talk about your daughter in more detail. That's understandable but you need to do that with a different friendship group who are into conversations about kids. Horses for courses

As an especially gifted human being with superior social skills, I can remember the important things in all of my friends lives, and ask them about them when I see them. It could be their cat, their child, their new central heating system, their recent redundancy or their gym attendance. l know! Go me!

It really is not hard, and amongst my friends, pretty widespread. Just part of being human and having relationships with people.

I don't think it's that odd not to ask. It wouldn't occur to me to ask how someone's 9 month old was because if there was anything wrong I'd assume the parent would already have said or would not have come out. Also they don't tend to do anything that interesting at that age.

I would ask the friend how their week had been or if they had any news and they would probably mention the child then and I'd be happy to talk about it. I haven't spent all week thinking about their child (or their DP) so it wouldn't be top of my list but might come up later if I ran out of things to talk about! If I know the partner or child I'd be more likely to ask straight away

If the friend also had children and you asked her about hers and they didn't ask you about yours it would be odd.

If you have a relationship with someone then conversation topics arise naturally don't they? You're having a conversation so talk about things of importance or interest to you and what is going on in your life don't you? '. Oh, this happened the other day or DC did this or that or have you seen that TV programme? or I've been so tired or DP pissed me off the other day or work is stressful at the mo....'

Sitting there silently seething that you haven't been asked about something that you haven't seen as important/interesting/relevant enough to bring up in a conversation is just a bit weird unless you're trying to 'test' your friends in some way.

Agree, I think that's the bit i find odd. It sounds as though you went to this gathering not seeing it as a chance to catch up with people you like but as some sort of assessment of how worthy they are to be your friends that depended on them asking about your 9 month old rather than you bringing the subject up naturally and then failing them.
It isn't normally how friendships work. It sounds as though you'd gone off them anyway or you'd have been busy chatting and enjoying yourself not ticking off the minutes until someone asked about your sprog.

Yadnbu deapite what others will say! Whether they're interested in babies or kids or not or whatever, as if your best friends not saying 'how is the baby' once in 2 hours when you meet up - and even despite sitting chatting about someone else's pregnancy - is normal! Real friends would ask how your baby is, end of.

Or maybe real friends would talk about their lives rather than sitting there thinking 'well, I won't say anything about a massively important part of my life, they should ASK' then stropping off and attaching negative meaning that probably doesn't exist to a social interaction.

That sounds like hard work.

Sorry if it's been mentioned but do they have kids themselves? If not it's likely they just don't realise it's polite iyswis