AIBU expect friends to ask how my baby is

[Parttimeworkingmummy2017]

AIBU to expect some life long friends (uni) to ask how my baby is doing? My daughter is 9 months old and since she has born they have played little to no interest in her - seen her twice at most despite one of them living 5 minutes round the corner, granted some live up to 1 hour drive. However they rarely rarely even ask how she is via message. Tonight we met up for dinner, a small group of us, and not one of them asked how my daughter is, not even a passing comment. I sat there for nearly two hours and ended up making my excuses and left because I was so upset about it.

To be clear I'm not expecting to talk babies all night (none have kids although one is heavily pregnant and she spoke at length about her pregnancy). I've been friends with them for 11 years and whilst we only meet every 1-2 months I would still describe them as 'close' friends. I am starting to get more and more upset about their lack of interest in my daughter but AIBU????

Really Green? Not even once?

Yes really - far more interesting things to talk about

The kids aren't 'the centre' of every interaction I have.

I actually agree with birch, I saw the user name and came to a similar conclusion in my head. But I also think people who call themselves things like Claire Sophiesmummy Jones on Facebook feel like their only identity now is as someone's mum and not a person in their own right.

I was totally fine when I was the first to have a baby and no one really cared. I get it, babies are boring to others. What I hate now is that they all have babies and everything is all about them and they still don't give a sticky fig about my kids. And while swapping baby tips they are not even interested in mine, only those from people who currently have babies.

I have three children and tbh I don't tend to ask after other people's children/babies unless I know they have been unwell to ask how they are doing/if they are better.

Hell even on the playground me and the other mums don't tend to ask about the kids not even in a does X like their new teacher. We talk about holidays/decorating/places to visit/things to buy anything but the kids.

I think Birch has it spot on.

I'm glad all of my friends are way past having babies and small children. I don't even have to pretend to be interested any more

OP- did you ask each member of the group about each member of their immediate family?

I've been in situation where Ive been the only one in a group of women. with smalll babies. Nobody asked me about my work, they were too busy talking about their offspring and comparing notes. I wasn't offended, I was bored and just thought we had nothing in common

It's funny, this seems to be one of the most complaints on AIBU. Either 'my friends don't pay enough attention to my PFB' or 'my parents/parents in law don't pay enough attention to my PFB.' It comes up time after time.

Overall I think YABU. You say you just want your friends to ask how your PFB is, so that you can answer 'she's fine'. How much does that matter to you anyway?

Also - I don't enquire after all close family members every time I speak to a close friend. That's actually something I'd be more likely to do with someone I didn't know too well and couldn't think of anything better to say. I wouldn't say 'how's your DH?' to my close friends for example - that would just be weird. If anything's new with a friend's partner or child, he or she will tell me and then we'll talk about it.

'OP- did you ask each member of the group about each member of their immediate family?'

Not the same thing and you know it.

It's as though people are going out of their way to prove how bored they are by other people's kids. How sad.

Cally, not the same but they are equal.

I don't assume my childless friends have less important relationships in their lives than I do.

What a weird leap to make. Friend has new baby and to prove some kind of weird point to your childfree pals you think it’s fairer all round to make no mention of friend’s baby?

As a childfree woman I find that attitude a bit baffling. And babyish, aptly enough.

It's not a new baby though, it's 9 months old. If OP wanted to share something about the baby she should have raised the topic. It's passive aggressive to sit there stewing because they are focusing on the pregnant friend, not her. Presumably when she was the pregnant friend 10 months ag she received the same attention. If she didn't then that's an issue.

Nothing in OP's thread suggests they were refusing to discuss the baby or had banned OP from mentioning it. Its a group of old friends, not a formal meeting with a fixed agenda, she could have jumped in at any point to share photos or tell a cute story. She didn't!

It's rude. It's just basic manners to ask after close family of someone you're meeting with.

Giving them the massive benefit of the doubt, they may feel you want a break from baby chat.

The only way I would say you are BU is if you are a frequent social media poster of baby photos and updates, in which case they all know how your baby is so no need to ask.

But if not, I'd be inclined to bin them.

Surely people speak to friends about things that are important to that friend? Even if they don't care about babies, the OP clearly does, surely a good friend would care enough to ask?

Exactly. I'm not particularly interested in running but I ask my pal how her marathon training is progressing as that's the big thing in he life at the moment.

and I always ask after people's kids, I really like hearing parents talk about their kids. But I don't think it's anymore of a given than asking about people's parents/partners/siblings/pets.

Also RTFT- OP was asked how she was, how her recent birthday was etc. They weren't ignoring her, they gave her many openings to mention her daughter. they just didn't word their enquiries precisely how OP wanted them to.

Yanbu. Your baby is massively important to you and I'd think it odd she wasn't mentioned all night. However if the conversation was flowing it could be a genuine oversight. It would depend how interested they are in your life generally.

How is your cat, Otters?

I would just assume the 'How are you?' includes the baby, tbh

Probably this I think. I doubt there was any malice in it. If I ask a friend how they are, I would think they'd probably respond about their partner/kids too, particularly if there was news to share. I'd hate to think they'd be insulted that I didn't make a separate enquiry about each of member of the family.

Also as someone with no kids yet, it's so easy to inadvertently cause offence to a new mother, half of them complain that all they ever get asked about is their kids, while the other half complain you aren't interested enough in their kids . It does feel like you can't win! Ditto how often to visit, its always either too little or else its intrusive...

Glad to hear it. That rodent should have known better than to mess with him.