To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

[turquoise88]

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

I certainly do know what "odious"
means. Any of the synonyms listed below would also convey my feelings nicely.

odious

adjective
extremely unpleasant; repulsive.
"a pretty odious character"
synonyms: revolting, repulsive, repellent, repugnant, disgusting, offensive, objectionable, vile, foul, abhorrent, loathsome, nauseating, nauseous, sickening, hateful, detestable, execrable, abominable, monstrous, appalling, reprehensible, deplorable, insufferable, intolerable, unacceptable, despicable, contemptible, beyond the pale, unspeakable, poisonous, noxious, obscene, base, hideous, grisly, gruesome, horrendous, heinous, atrocious, awful, terrible, dreadful, frightful, obnoxious, unsavoury, unpalatable, unpleasant, disagreeable, nasty, distasteful, dislikeable, off-putting, displeasing etc

At you -

I always find knowing other people's babies sex before birth makes me much less interested in the news of the birth. It's like they are telling me something I know

Genuinely couldn't care less how interesting my birth news is to other people. Couldn't give a shiny shit.

nina2b, being able to copy and paste doesn't show understanding. How exactly was Decaffstilltastesweird in anyway repulsive, disgusting or offensive?

Presumably people who are telling me the news imagine I might be interested! ecureuil

I didn't find out with any of mine ( I have 3 sons) 2nd son was a long labour and before I had a chance to even see him dh said oh its safe to say we have another boy. I was a bit annoyed seeing as I had done all the hard work. Found out myself with number 3. I bought brightly coloured baby grows that would suit either.

I found out, not because I'm particularly organised (we were overwhelmed by hand me downs in a variety of colours) but because I wanted to know. I hated the idea that someone else knew and we didn't. We had a private scan and then went out for a lovely meal and with hindsight it was absolutely the right move because his arrival was a total car crash and I ended up with severe PnD. Finding out that he was a boy in a relaxed and happy surrounding means that I have at least one good memory of the pregnancy/arrival period.

yeah I imagine they are. I doubt they care much how excited you are by the announcement though. It doesn't lessen their excitement at becoming parents, does it? People have babies all the time.

nina, you sound like a very angry person. I hope you feel a bit less angry soon. Best wishes to you .

It would have lessened my excitement - I wanted news to share.
I felt there was less news to tell if I already had told everyone the sex!

I don't care if others want to find out.

It would have lessened my excitement - I wanted news to share. I felt there was less news to tell if I already had told everyone the sex!

This is just odd. How can knowing the sex lessen the enjoyment of having a baby? Other people really are not that invested in your news, and those getting the news of other people's babies don't actually measure it on 'levels of interesting' . Either you want to know about a new baby or you don't, who in their right mind thinks 'ah but knowing the sex already, can't muster excitement for the rest of it now'.

Find out/don't find out, it only truly matters to the parents. Having a 'waining scale of interest' based on getting information at different points in a pregnancy, that's just a bizarre attitude to me.

Definitely wasn't keen to know before birth with any of mine.
But people are odd. I was told it would help with the bonding process if I found out, the "if you cared you would" shite. I fortunately never had any problems bonding and I do feel bollocks like that is part of society pushing the blame onto mother's who do struggle in that way, frequently it's to do with brain/ body chemistry or extreme scenarios.
People spout bollocks about pregnancy and children. Generally treat that sort of judgy crap as a helpful warning not to get close to the person.

@drhorribletookmycherry no-one said anything like that to me, but I wanted to find out because i thought it would help me bond and I was right. There's nothing wrong with me, no extreme scenarios, I just had difficulty connecting with 'it'. Friends of ours did lose their son just after he was born so that has made me more cautious, for sure. I think just even knowing that such a terrible thing can happen has made me cautious in connecting. Plus I have anterior placenta so don't feel much movement. Was really helpful to me to start thinking of son, made it a lot more real. So maybe it's also people sharing based on personal experience? 'If you cared you'd find out is a weird old thing to say though'. Why should anyone care whether I or any other person finds out? My pregnancy, my baby.

WRT the bonding process finding out before can have a negative effect if they happen to get it wrong. A friend was told her PFB was going to be a girl so had chosen a name, bought girls clothes, decorated the nursery in a girls theme but then actually had a boy. It came as a huge shock as she had mentally pictured the little girl she was going to have. She really struggled to bond with her DS as a result not because she didn't want a boy but because she had expected a girl.

edmund
No it's not odd. We are just different and see the world differently. Yes to me there are levels of Interesting.
My DH wasn't at the scan either - and our scans were not "nice" but raised doubts and more issues to worry about.