To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

[turquoise88]

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

My mum didn't find out the sex of any of her children.
My mums sister found out the sex of both of her children.
My mum was the most organised, we all wore a lot of yellow (now my favourite colour!) whereas my aunt relied on people to buy her clothes 'e.g. - pink for her daughter' - My nan brought us nothing as she 'didn't know what she was buying for' - simple answer, a baby.

My other aunt didn't find out the sex of her first, but did her second. She admits she was more organised first time round.

My best friend found out the sex of her baby and she was disorganised! - She always has been though!

For us we don't find out because we like to phone people and tell them what we've had rather than just that baby is here, we feel like it's keeps it's exciting for a bit longer and family like to guess. However most my friends found out and were happy that they did so each to their own.

I didn't finding out with mine as I DH didn't want to and I thought I may be disappointed if the baby wasn't my preffered gender.

In fact, I did get the gender I wanted however the magical moment didn't happen. I had a section under general, and baby was rushed off to SCBU after. DH was told by the paediatrician what sex the baby was, so not exactly special. A moment at a scanning machine would've been far more magical

I found out for the same reason that most people do--because you are finding out all sorts of other information about your baby at the scan, why not find out the sex as well?

If some people find it more fun to deliberately not know and find out at the birth to make it more special or whatever, well, good for them I guess. It's a harmless way to enjoy the whole experience.

What I don't understand is someone insisting that "the sex does not matter and we should all be gender neutral anyway!" but also insisting that waiting to hear what sex the baby is will make the information feel more special or whatever. If one genuinely does not care about what gender the child is, then why specifically do things to make the finding-out experience feel more special? Makes no sense to me.

AccrualIntentions I referred to DS2 by name before he was born, so did DH and DD2, as we talked to him in the womb. I hope I didn't inadvertently upset anyone. 😢

YABU.

We didn't find out the sex of our baby at the scan. When DD was born it was pure, unbridled chaos. We were utterly unprepared. We came home to an empty house - how could we furnish it if we didn't know whether we needed our fridge to be pink or blue? We dressed DD in hessian sacks. We slept on a pile of rocks we found outside and it took me six months to remember to call the baby "her" instead of "it" because I hadn't bonded at all. If only we'd found out the sex at the scan.

Those who tend not to find out usually are classier.

That's bobbins @eggsbenedict89

Christ on a bike.
Using when you found out the sex of your baby as a way to feel superior is probably the most pathetic thing I've ever read on mumsnet.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck I meant more people who talk to other people about the baby by name rather than talking to the bump or between themselves. For example I've signed leaving cards at work when people are going on maternity leave which have the baby's name on before it's even born and it just makes me feel a bit anxious! But that's my issue, not theirs.

In the early 1990s nobody knew what sex of baby you were having. You'd have had to go to serious lengths to find out. Nowadays you will naturally find yourself with a woman sitting right next to you who knows and who says "I know whether you're expecting a boy or a girl. Do you want me to tell you?" At that point it does seem a bit weird to me to say "no, don't tell me, I want it to be a secret", but each to their own.

It's not like one can enroll unborn children at Eton anymore-what is there to be organised about?

AccrualIntentions I did that too. 😳 It seemed like he was already here.

I've been getting the faces for the past month now when people ask if I'm finding out of the sex and I say no. .or if I'm having a gender reveal party and I say no

I've already starting buying wipes etc andim only 4 month and I intend to get everything organised before the baby arrives -and when it arrives then ill buy either pink or blue.
Some people cant get their heads round it so fuck

I think it's to do with today's culture and insatiable appetite to have everything NOW.

Box sets, oversharing on social media, information at our fingertips, mobiles glued to hands.

It's then the way that people use said information - gender reveals, Facebook updates, it generally does go hand hand with (I hate this term) but being a "basic b*tch"

Those that tend not to find out, I find - are usually a bit more comfortable in their own skin and see the beauty in it being a natural process.

I must say though - I am pregnant... and have 2 weeks to decide whether or not we will find out.

I have talked about it for hours on end with DH, (I have been tempted to find out) but I feel it's one of the biggest surprises you will EVER get - so why blow it?

I was working in the head office of a department store when I was pregnant. They'd have regular sample sales so knowing the gender meant I was able to snap up lots of discounted clothes for her.

I also just wanted to know though. I felt like the birth would be special enough on its own without needing a surprise afterwards.

WTF is a 'basic bitch'?! Is it anything like being a judgemental bitch?

eggsbenedict89 you sound an utterly ridiculous person. Step away from Facebook. How is having information readily available a negative, especially in the context of this situation? I'm not six, I don't need 'special, magical surprises' to get me through life.

but I feel it's one of the biggest surprises you will EVER get - so why blow it?

It's only 'one of the biggest surprises' if it transpires to be a hemaphrodite, multicoloured platypus. Otherwise it's a male or female baby. It's a male or female baby at 20 weeks and it's still the same when you give birth 20 weeks later. It makes zero odds when you find out, apart from apparently giving you a warm glow of smug satisfaction for waiting until the birth.

I have never read so much nonsense in all my life @eggsbenedict89

I think eggsbenedict was being tongue in cheek! I'm having twins and we've chosen not to find out which confounds everyone. I didn't with both DDs and I quite liked the 'it's a girl!' moment as they came out.

That said, with twins there are more scans so you are more likely to catch a glimpse even if you tell the sonography you'd like a surprise. I think I saw a willy last week.

AnUtterIdiot which sex is the DT you saw? Or are you keeping stum on MN too?

Sonographer

I found out the sex of my baby purely because my oh has adult children from a previous relationship and one of them has a major issue if our baby will be a boy but apparently is happy if it's a girl. This kept playing on my mind so I wanted to know because if the baby is a girl I could stop worrying for the rest of the pregnancy. Turns out baby is a boy and my oh's adult child has now cut him out of their life 🙁

I think eggsbenedict was being tongue in cheek!

Initially I thought so too with the 'classy' remark. However her collective posts on this thread makes me conclude otherwise. She genuinely seems to think that only the 'lower class' find out the sex for 'shallow reasons'.

I have talked about it for hours on end with DH

Why would you need to, eggsbenedict89 - you're hardly on the fence.