Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

190 replies

turquoise88 · 28/08/2017 20:46

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

OP posts:
planetclom · 28/08/2017 21:40

I didn't find out the sex of my twins and that meant not only was there the chance of boys or girls but boy/girl as well, I was incredibly organised and I can to realise that "being organised" is very simple and you don't actually need much for when babies first come home and what people really meant was it was an excuse to buy cute crap they didn't need but could excuse because it was blue or pink.
I returned a unwanted present when my boys were a few days old and was behind a woman return 4 huge bags of pink dresses as she was told she was having a girl, and I have been told this is not that unusual.

Ecureuil · 28/08/2017 21:40

Surely nobody outside your immediate family really cares very much

Exactly. And even my immediate family would be equally excited if it was a boy or a girl.

MrsJoyOdell · 28/08/2017 21:41

I can't bear surprises and I hated not knowing for sure first time round with DS1 (I 'knew' myself but obviously that's just an inkling). I found out with my last three and much preferred being able to choose from just one list of names, to know whether or not it was worth keeping the boys older clothes or not etc.

Ecureuil · 28/08/2017 21:43

I had 2 girls, one I didn't know the sex and one I did. Didn't buy anything pink either time.
People like to think that people who find out are only doing so because they want to buy loads of pink/blue stuff. As a PP said, when I found it it was just because it was a piece of information. As I didn't care what sex the baby was, why would it make a difference if I found out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks?

reetgood · 28/08/2017 21:44

I wanted to know to 'bond with my baby' plus I reasoned it would be surprising enough giving birth. Quite happy to not have a surprise. Bit confused as to how it will assist me in being organised? is that so I can have gendered baby things? Hoping to avoid that tbh...

ethelfleda · 28/08/2017 21:46

Like everything baby and pregnancy related, everyone has an opinion and they just LOVE to give it to you, whether you asked for it or not.
YANBU. We had it the other way around - we have found out and we have had people telling us that "itll ruin the experience" Hmm

mineofuselessinformation · 28/08/2017 21:47

Each to their own...
For dc1, the hospital did offer to give the gender if they could see on scans. For dc2, they didn't. (Two different hospitals.)
Both times, I didn't want to know. For me, it was like knowing what was inside a present before you opened it - but I do understand those who do want to know, too.

TealStar · 28/08/2017 21:49

I think it's really nothing to do with organisation and everything to do with impatience. Nothing wrong with being impatient... as a child I remember wanting to find out my Christmas presents early... so I wish people would just admit that they've found out because they couldn't wait and not pretend it was for any other reason!

confused123456 · 28/08/2017 21:50

I 110% agree. I'd never ever find out the sex of my baby before the birth. I got a neutral (black) Pram and car seat, neutral crib bedding, and white clothes to take to hospital (newborns look so much better in all white I think). I knew the rest we could get after the baby was born. And I hate nurseries and wanted to keep my baby in with us as long as possible (ds didn't need go in his own room until he was 16 months), so dorm believe that about decorating a nursery,
I don't understand the need to find out. Surely it's far nicer to find out and have your baby in the room and hopefully give them a cuddle/ hold them for the 1st time, than to find out and all you leave with is a scan picture.

ClemDanfango · 28/08/2017 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 28/08/2017 21:53

Surely it's far nicer to find out and have your baby in the room and hopefully give them a cuddle/ hold them for the 1st time, than to find out and all you leave with is a scan picture.

Well no. I've done both and I can definitely (110% Wink) tell you that it was a much more lovely experience for us at the scan, (for us - clearly not for everyone).

Ecureuil · 28/08/2017 21:54

I wish people would just admit that they've found out because they couldn't wait and not pretend it was for any other reason!

But why do you care why people found out?! I genuinely couldn't give a shit what other people's reasons for finding out (or not) are.

Ecureuil · 28/08/2017 21:55

Surely it's far nicer to find out and have your baby in the room and hopefully give them a cuddle/ hold them for the 1st time, than to find out and all you leave with is a scan picture

It was equally as nice both ways.

NataliaOsipova · 28/08/2017 21:58

Surely it's far nicer to find out and have your baby in the room and hopefully give them a cuddle/ hold them for the 1st time, than to find out and all you leave with is a scan picture

You see, I always think it's far better to have all the information you can at the scan rather than choosing to have one particular piece of information withheld from you. But each to her own - and I wouldn't be bothered remotely whether someone else did or didn't.

EdmundCleverClogs · 28/08/2017 22:03

I wish people would just admit that they've found out because they couldn't wait and not pretend it was for any other reason!

Surely it's far nicer to find out and have your baby in the room and hopefully give them a cuddle/ hold them for the 1st time, than to find out and all you leave with is a scan picture.

Who cares why they wanted to find out. If it's really that bloody unimportant, why is it so 'special' just after giving birth? Finding out is finding out. I'm glad I had time to enjoy 'knowing' rather than just after the birth when already exhausted, feeling a bit numb and still needing to get the bloody placenta out. However, that's just me, why would I give a shiny shit why someone would wait until they have given birth to find out? Keep them wrapped up until their 18th birthday then have him streak down the neighbourhood as an announcement for all I care.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 28/08/2017 22:06

I had everything I needed to get me through the early days. DD was pinked out (not by me) within 24hrs of being born.
Even at 18months I still buy a lot of gender neutral clothes (along with dresses and 'boy clothes')
I people usually assume she is a boy because she wears a lot of blue (which I do because I think the colour really suits her as she has big blue eyes)

tinypop4 · 28/08/2017 22:08

I've managed to be super organised both times without knowing the sex which was my choice for lots of reasons.
Bought a dark denim pram with rainbow stripes,
stocked up on white/grey/pale blue/multicoloured vests and baby gros
Bought a white cot

Wasn't that hard really. Dc one was a girl, she wanted a sister, she got a brother, she cared for about 2 seconds then was cool- no major preparation needed for her either .

notangelinajolie · 28/08/2017 22:11

I didn't know the sex of first two because it wasn't the policy of the consultant we were under. A few years on and number three was on the way and times had changed and we were asked if we wanted to know. We declined as the not knowing added to the magic of it all.

tinypop4 · 28/08/2017 22:12

Also , nappies come in boys/girls? I've been in nappy stage with one kid or another for 5 years now and have never seen or bought a sex-specific nappy!

Ecureuil · 28/08/2017 22:12

Oh and as to the original question about being organised... I wasn't particularly organised either time. All you need for a baby is nappies, somewhere to sleep and something to wear. I managed to provide that both times, whether I knew their sex or not.

Pizzaexpressreview · 28/08/2017 22:14

tiny - they do in Australia!

simpaticasimpatica · 28/08/2017 22:15

I didn't find out with my DD but after having a miscarriage and feeling very anxious at the thought of carrying a baby I am inclined to find out and keep it to myself (and DH obvs) just because I feel so rubbish.

LittleLionMansMummy · 28/08/2017 22:23

I'm super organised and didn't find out with either of mine. I think people just been they wanted to have everything prepared in pink or blue, specific clothes/ clothing styles etc. I haven't really taken offence to it tbh. Each to their own. I loved not finding out till dh told me and cut the cord and certainly don't regret it, in much the same way others don't regret finding out at the scan. Mostly people expressed pleasant surprise we weren't finding out, saying it was unusual and nice these days. Personally I had no overwhelming desire to decorate my baby's room blue or pink when there are far nicer colours out there!

Ecureuil · 28/08/2017 22:25

*Personally I had no overwhelming desire to decorate my baby's room blue or pink when there are far nicer colours out there!

Me either. The time I knew, or tje time i didn't.

ethelfleda · 28/08/2017 22:26

Oh and even though we found out, we are not remotely organised. Due in November and haven't really bought anything at all yet!
I must admit, there is a small small part of me that is glad we are having a boy as I bloody hate pink and knew that's all my family would buy Grin

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.