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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

190 replies

turquoise88 · 28/08/2017 20:46

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

OP posts:
toolonglurking · 28/08/2017 20:50

I didn't find out last time and I won't this time, I think it's much more natural not to know and it got me through the labour.
You can totally be organised and not know, it just means your child is being stereotyped before its born.

milliemolliemou · 28/08/2017 20:50

Would grind mine too. You can be perfectly organised without knowing the sex - especially if you're not fixated on pink for girls and blue for boys - and as for bonding with your baby just because you know its sex -
absurd. We all unless we're unlucky, have PND or whatever, bond with our babies.

toolonglurking · 28/08/2017 20:50

Sorry not being stereotyped

OlennasWimple · 28/08/2017 20:51

I was incredibly organised, but we choose not to find out until he was born. I honestly don't know what we would have done differently: the nursery was always going to be pale blue, and the baby gros would never have been pink.

ivykaty44 · 28/08/2017 20:52

For thousands of years expectant parents have not known what sex baby they were having. Amazingly they coped and seem to have been organised enough

Fandabidozy · 28/08/2017 20:53

YANBU.

I didn't find out with either of mine and used to get told it would be easier so I could "get organised" and "get the right stuff in", it pissed me off that people assumed I was just leaving it all to the last minute.

I don't do gender stereotyping so was perfectly capable of getting all the essentials in without knowing whether they were intended for use specifically for a person with a vagina or penis thank you!

I also managed to enjoy watching my bump squirm and feeling kicks without knowing and was happy when DH could tell me what they were :)

isittimetogotobed · 28/08/2017 20:54

I think it is absolutely magical to find out when the baby is born, one of the few real surprises in life.

You can totally be organised and not know the sex

kaytee87 · 28/08/2017 20:55

I don't think anyone is saying you're not organised if you don't find out the sex, just that it helped them feel organised to find out. Why would you take it personally?

anniroc · 28/08/2017 20:56

Smile sweetly and ignore, ignore, ignore! We didn't find out either time because personally I think it's like opening your presents before Christmas. One of the sweetest experiences of my life was during a horrible c-section, when DP leaned over and told me that we'd had a daughter as I was expecting another son.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 28/08/2017 20:57

We didn't find out with dc1 so we have loads of unisex clothes which we will be using for dc2.

We have found out what we're having this time, but that has nothing to do with being organised or buying a whole load of blue / pink crap in advance.

If you're interested, it's because I didn't get to enjoy finding out the first time as I was completely out of it on morphene. I just wanted to hear what I was having and actually be in a calm enough situation to be happy about it. I did and I was Smile.

I think it's one of those things people say. Everyone seems to have an opinion on finding out / not finding out. Maybe some people feel they need a nice practical justification for finding out and this is it? I wouldn't pay too much attention to it.

Sayyouwill · 28/08/2017 20:57

We never found out the sex.
I had literally everything we needed. Obviously we bought more things after they were born... as I'm sure everyone does.
Hubby and I are incredibly organised... in an annoying way!

Anecdoche · 28/08/2017 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mushroomburger17 · 28/08/2017 20:57

Didn't find out for dc1 but did for dc2. We told people it was so we could be organised and get everything ready but really it was a need to control the whole situation having had a bad pregnancy and traumatic birth the first time round. It did help.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2017 20:57

I'd find out next time simply because everyone promised it would be the moat magical moment when baby came put and DH announced it and it wasn't. So I might as well know in future

However the nursery was done before 30 weeks and i had bought clothes up to 6 months or so. Shopped the but aisle as its more fun and would have put a girl in green and red and robots and dinosaurs anyway.

Nursery is hills and sky and animals so unisex.

Furnotire is neutral wood.

Accessories are white.

Ignore them

Decaffstilltastesweird · 28/08/2017 21:01

sleeping

Yes, I'd been told how magical I'd find the surprise at birth. It was a horrible moment, where they said "it's a girl, she's not breathing" and whipped her away to be resuscitated.

I loved finding out at the scan this time.

But again, fuck all to do with being organised!

BannedFromNarnia · 28/08/2017 21:02

That's completely ridiculous reasoning and the only possible reason for it is so you can start stereotyping the poor little thing in utero.

I am all for finding out if you want to, don't get me wrong - but not because it makes you more organised FFS!

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 28/08/2017 21:02

Op when people say things like this they are referring to themselves & how they feel. It's not about you. Are you usually this thin skinned?

ColdTeddy · 28/08/2017 21:03

As PP said, they're not calling you disorganised, they are saying they found it helpful to know the sex for the reasons they've mentioned. It has nothing to do with you and your choice.

Bluelonerose · 28/08/2017 21:04

Why would you need to know the sec to be organised. You have that much brought for you when you have a baby you don't need to find out.
Didn't want to know with any of my 3 but apparently I was odd for not wanting to know

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2017 21:05

Decaffstilltastesweird they didbt even tell me, just whipped him out and away. As they were resicitating him and sewing up me she mentioned "he" and I was like "he what?" then he was taken away not to be seen for 3 hours and I vomited whilst flat on my back being put back together

acquiescence · 28/08/2017 21:05

Yanbu to not want to find out but I think you are taking comments the wrong way.
We didn't find out for number one. Now expecting number 2 and planning to find out. This is to help me bond with the baby as I struggled last time. It is also to help me get organised as I kept all of my sons clothes and don't want to sort through them with a newborn. Nothing to do with anyone else's choices but for me the reasons of wanting to help with bonding and organisation are very valid.

TipTopTipTopClop · 28/08/2017 21:07

I wanted to find out so as to get the nursery 100% ready. Not because I wanted to have a princess or footballer theme, but rather because I didn't have a perfectly gender neutral one.

It wasn't such a crime 15 years ago.

I'm older and more laid back now, and I could probably wait to find out.

ChickenBhuna · 28/08/2017 21:11

Of course you can be organised without knowing your baby's sex. I didn't find out with my first two and had no trouble bonding or getting everything sorted.

The only reason we know the what we're having this time around is because last year we lost a baby late into pregnancy due to a specific life limiting condition. We've had very detailed scans and tests this year and we asked to be told everything the sonographer could see and knew. One of those things happened to give away our baby's sex.

We wouldn't have found out otherwise.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 28/08/2017 21:11

sleeping

That sounds horrible!

I do have a wee eye roll when I hear people talk about how magical it is finding out the sex at birth. I'm sure it is magical for lots of people, don't get me wrong. It's just the certainty of some people that this is the only way to enjoy finding out. I really loved finding out what sex our dc2 is at the scan. It was a gorgeous moment. Not for everyone obviously, but for us it was perfect.

Pigface1 · 28/08/2017 21:13

OP, all the comments you've quoted are other people making comments about themselves and why they wanted to find out the sex of their baby. None of them are comments about you and your choices. In short, it's not about you.

Still, good to know that you see yourself as an organised person, both at work and at home.

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