To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

[turquoise88]

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

We found out because it was the first fact that we could get about our babies as individuals. It helped it feel more real. There was an overwhelming amount of new at birth.

My MIL wanted to know to be 'organised'. My DH gave her a bit of a lecture on us not needing pink/blue. We wronged her. She gave us several complete sets of clothing up to age 10 so if she wasnt around to see them grow, her gifts would grow with them (she's here but fading at 3). Thats organised.

I wanted to know at scan as i wanted to confirm what i already knew, or find out i was wrong. If i was right happy days, if i was wrong then I had several weeks to come to terms with it and emotionally prepare for the birth. As it was i was right, but i am very disorganised and ExP kept spending all my money and credit on him so did not buy anything for her until the week before anyway.

I would want to know, as I have an anxiety disorder and take a long time to process information. For me, the baby being born is so much at once that learning the gender in advance would help me put the pieces together and have a calmer birth. I don't care about colour schemes, I care about avoiding panic and being overwhelmed.

Oh and another reason i needed to know was so that i could have the argument about circumsion before baby was born as i did not want but ExP was and did want. As it was i did not have to have said argument at all. If we were having a boy i suspect i would have left ex a lot sooner than i did.

Horses for courses.

I found out with both of mine. I absolutely hated called our babies 'It' and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm impatient. I've never been one to want to wait. Both times when they told us they were a boy and a girl retrospectively, both my husband and I were overjoyed and had a little emotional cry.
I think it's lovley to wait also. In our hroup of friends, 1 set didn't find out and it was very exciting waiting for find out what they had and another set, the sonographer told the dad because he wanted to know but the mum didn't and she waited until birth. None or us judge the others for our decisions and we were all equally as happy when out children were born.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is what ever someone's reasoning for finding out the gender of their child, it shouldn't affect anyone else in anyway. Do what you want and let people so what they want. Someone else's reasons may not seem genuine to you but to them it is.

I didn't know the sex of 3 of mine, DH wanted to know the sex of DS2, so I asked. He ended up with lots of unisex clothes anyway, because of the lack of baby boys' clothes. I bonded perfectly well with all my babies and was very organised for all of them.

ignore typos just had my nails done

AIBU to think it's far classier to not find out...

My biggest problem was having everything in newborn size and DS2 being 9lb 12oz, also he was born in August and we had an Indian summer in October, the shops were only stocking babygrows, I was trying to squeeze him into playsuits that had always been too small!

I didn't know the sex until DC1 (a boy) was born. I had a really traumatic birth. I came round in recovery after a general anaesthetic, just with a recovery nurse who told me 'you have a little boy but he's very poorly' even remembering that makes me cry. There was no joy or elation with those words just a surge of anxiety feeling like a mother cat that can't find its kitten. He was in the same hospital as me but I couldn't see him for 12 hours and had to beg for a Polaroid pic. He survived after a stay in nicu and he's 18 now . I was too scared to name him at first.

With DC2 and DC3 I found out which sex at the anomaly scan because I didn't want to hear happy and sad news in the same sentence again.

I think YABU @eggsbenedict89. Other people's reasons for finding out what gender extend far beyond what colour to paint the nursery.

Didn't find out for definite with any of our but had used strategies to increase likelihood of certain sex and was right every time apart from twins. Never had a nursery so no need to be gender anything. I co-slept with them until 8/9 months then they went in their own bedroom.
I would consider myself very well organised but then I don't think there is much to organise for a baby other than buying a pram for the first and lots of white nightdresses.

I can't believe this you judge people on being organised on the basis of whether they want to keep the sex of the baby a surprise or not... we didn't want to know because me n DH thought this is one of the only few good surprises we will have in life, hence didn't want to know. Also what's about this being organised with knowing its a boy or girl, I don't understand why things have to be either blue or pink n why can't boys have pink n girls blue. Would you but a second set of everything if you first had a DD then DS or vice versa?

eggsbenedict89 you can't define class based on not finding out what the sex of your baby is. What a ridiculous statement.

You could not find out but still be the type of person to pick your arse in public. It doesn't make you a superior person. What makes people classier is their personality and their ability to not look down and judge people on things that in no way concern them...

But that's just my opinion. ☺

We found out so we could start the bonding process. When planning the birth we would talk to the 'bump' and refer to them by name.

I loved finding out at the scan. When people say wait for a surprise I just think it's a surprise and a lovely moment at 20wks or 40wks.
I'm not into pink for a girl etc so it wasn't about that. But it was such an amazing day finding out, I was happy and relaxed not covered in blood and shattered!
Each to their own 😊

I am organised to an OCD level but still didn't find out the sex of any of my 3 dc. It's a baby, and I don't do the twee blue or pink nonsense, so their births remain the biggest surprises of my life. And this from a girl who can't leave a Christmas present unsquashed 😂

I found out with all of mine, not because I'm organised, I'm not! I wanted know to what I was having, simples!

Does it really matter if other people find out during pregnancy or wait till their baby is born to find out?

We didn't find out for either of our DC and still managed to get everything we needed to. I would definitely make the same choice again. However, I can appreciate that some people might feel finding out helps, particularly for later DC so stuff can be sorted or got rid of if not required anymore. If people find that makes their life easier, then fine. Similarly if others want to find out "just because" that's their choice. It's down to the individuals.

I didn't find out the sex of either of mine, yet was still extremely organised. I had spreadsheets and lists galore, along with perfectly organised drawers of non gender stereotyped baby clothes. I had non gender stereotyped bedding/furniture/play mat/pram etc... all of which had been carefully researched and planned to within an inch of its life.

So yes, it's perfectly possible to be organised

eggsbenedict

That comment made me laugh. I didn't find out with my first, but am currently pregnant with dc2 and found out. God, I must really have let myself go ! It's a hop, skip and a jump to wearing onesies for the school pick up and daily pot noodles for me then!

Weirdly, my only aristocratic friend didn't find out with her dc, so you may be on to something if you mean it's 'lower class' to find out. I do have a common, regional accent and tattoos, (so does my aristocratic friend though... more than I do actually). Do I fit your classless profile? It's nice to know where I stand .

Oh but then I own copies of novels by Sartre and Proust in the original french... does that make me... classy? Help me eggs, I'm so confused !

I chose to find out the 2nd time because our first was stillborn and I wanted to know whether or not the baby was the same sex to make the birth less stressful. It wasn't so I could go out and buy loads of pink or blue. I did not view birth as an exciting time.

I've never understood the emphasis placed on the whole finding out thing. For me either way has been the same reaction.
I lost a baby at 20 weeks so for me that time in subsequent pregnancies was always a stressful one. I found the scans quite tense and certainly didn't want to find out anything more than if the baby was ok. I hide it but it freaks me out when people refer to an unborn baby by name etc. My in laws all had 3D scans and I struggled watching the films they were so keen to show.
As for being organiseed, that's not me at all. None of my babies had a nursery ready for them, I didn't see the point as they were never going to sleep in there until 6 months minimum and babies 2 and 4 were going in with siblings. We live in a time of 24 hour shopping and next day or even same day deliveries. We bought the bare minimum to get us through the first few weeks then bought what we needed when we needed.

I didn't find out either time but don't care either way what other people do, why would I?

DS2 is 5 months old and doesn't have a nursery or a cot (I have a spare room though) because babies don't actually need these things at birth. You also don't need to 'stockpile nappies' or anything else. I had one pack of nappies when each son was born, you don't know what size they will need and what brand will suit them, plus the shops miraculously stayed open both times I gave birth.

People can find out or not find out, but 'being organised' probably means different things to different people anyway. I felt organised, but lots of people thought I wasn't.

YANBU Eggs.