To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

[turquoise88]

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

We're not finding out either. I find the idea that other people are unable to get organised or prepare things in advance without knowing what sex the baby will be fairly laughable. Perhaps they're just looking for reasons to justify finding out, beyond just "we wanted to know" - which would be a completely valid reason!

Nappies come in boys/girls unless you're travelling back in time and using terries. Nappies need to be stockpiled in advance.

I've always thought people that find out are very organised control freaks but now I'm expecting again I just want to find out for the he'll of it. I'm very, very disorganised!

I don't see the correlation between 'being organised' and finding out the sex.

Actually, I find that many people are weirdly smug about not finding out, like the birth becomes 'extra special'. Or even funnier, 'it helps you work harder during labour so you can find out' . Oh sure, there are some grandparents/friends/colleagues over invested, who want to know everything before the child arrives (sex, name, feeding method etc), but generally no one else cares for your choices. Find out, don't find out, doesn't make meeting your new child any more or less special.

I found it helpful to know the sex of my first, as up until then it all felt unreal and I was worried about ever getting my head around being a mother. Once it became 'he' rather than 'bump', I found the next few months far easier on the mental side. It wasn't about being organised, it was about being realistic about the big changes coming our way. I feel very lucky to be able to live in a time and place where that information is available if we choose to find out.

Do what you want. Who cares?

"absolutely magical to find out when the baby is born, one of the few real surprises in life"

It's a real surprise whenever you find out. You won't get a medal for finding out 6 months after others do.

Interesting on a thread about not finding out, people talk about the baby's sex, whereas in threads about reveal parties and so on, people talk about gender

I was organised as hell with my first and I never found out the sex beforehand.

I didn't find out for my 2nd and 3rd (twins) either and that realllllllyyyy bugged a lot of people.

Not me. I loved the surprises and I had all I needed to be as organised as I could with 3 kids under 15 months old.

Nappies come in boys/girls unless you're travelling back in time and using terries. Nappies need to be stockpiled in advance.

Errr, think you're the one travelling back in time there. The majority of disposable nappies are unisex.

I didnt know the sex of any of mine in advance. I guessed boy,boy, girl. I had girl, girl,boy.

I found out with one of mine and not the other. So am I organised or not? Do I value surprises or not? People seem to get really hung up on other people's choices regarding this subject. I got so many shitty comments the time we did find out, about ruining surprises etc. Why do people care what other people do?! One person said to me 'it's not as exciting for other people when you announce the birth if you already know what you're having'. I genuinely don't give a fuck how excited other people are about my birth announcement. I also didn't give a fuck that people thought I wasn't organised, when I didn't find out.
FWIW, both births were exciting and magical, and that was in no way affected by whether I knew in advance what they had betweeb their legs.

There is nothing that a baby NEEDS that is affected by what genitals it has. And with a nappy on, babies pretty much all look the same anyway.

So of course you can have everything bought and prepared for your baby without knowing if it's a boy or a girl. Just like everybody did for thousands of hours and like millions of people still do today whether through necessity or choice.

I am completely and utterly disorganised normally and would be if I knew or not.

We bought unisex - lots of lovely clothes and then pretty much everything else for the next year was gifted to us after baby was born.

We then got all the lovely unisex clothes out again plus added a few more.

And then got lots more clothes to see us through the 1st year.

All big purchases were unisex anyway and would still have been if we found out.

Each to their own but I really really wanted my DH to tell me sex of baby and he did so twice.

Nappies come in boys and girls varieties?! Really?? I've got a 3 and a 2 year old, both wore disposables, none were designed for a specific sex. They were just pampers baby dry.

I know two people who found out the sex and were super organised and then had to take lots of stuff back because they had got it wrong.

YABU.

Everyone knows that when they say that, they are talking about themselves, not you. But then I think you know that and just want a thread to bash people who you judge because you think they're less patient than you.

There is so much superiority on this site over not finding out until the birth. If you want to look down on people and assume they're obsessed with gender stereotyping their own children just because they'd like to know the sex in advance using - shock! horror! - modern, unnatural technology, then fine. Some people want to know and they are lucky enough to live in a time and place where they can. Just because billions of people have given birth without finding out doesn't mean that it's morally superior not to.

Nappies are unisex in England but when we stayed in Australia discovered they were gendered!!

I don't see any correlation between organisation and knowing in advance.

I do wonder why we see "gender neutral" as including greens and red and putting girls in dinasour and tractors but not boys in pink dresses. By gender neutral do we end up meaning masculine?

We didn't find out with either of our boys, yet we still had names for them when they were born (we'd chosen a boys & a girls one) and decorated rooms ( in primary colours) and bought clothes (Primary colours and neutrals) - we were really quite organised which was good as each time they came a month early!

I found out first time, but not the second (no big reason - had moved areas & they had different policy about telling). Don't think it made any difference to organisation - though I'm not really a full on nursery decoration pink/blue kind of person anyway.

Also, I was quite wary that they can be wrong (though in my case had had so many growth scans that they were pretty sure by end of pregnancy).

Oh and on reflection, I found people were a lot more judgemental the time I found out than the time i didn't. Like they were somehow superior for being able to wait.
It's a baby. It's pretty amazing when you give birth to it. Whatever the sex, and whether you find out the sex at 20 weeks or found out at 40 weeks. It's a surprise either way.

We found out.. not for organisation (we have kept the news to ourselves so we pretty much have been buying unisex anyway, plus I hate the blue/pink stereotypes!) but because I really struggled to accept my pregnancy and I had a lot of anxiety attached to that. I'm not sure I feel bonded now, the whole concept of a small person entering our lives still feels very abstract, but it helped me!! And it was a lovely surprise at the time.. pretty sure the baby is gonna surprise me when he arrives even though I know the sex in advance

I find loads of people on here are really sneering and look down on people who find out, like they're impatient children and should just wait. Actually it's just not that big a deal to everyone and it's just another bit of information about the baby they can find out and don't see a reason not to.

We didn't find out with our first but did with our second as we wanted to know whether we could start clearing out any clothes that wouldn't be suitable.

Why do people care what other people do?!

This is another one of the most profound questions of the modern age. And I have never come up with a good answer. Similarly, why does someone doing something different from them seem to upset some people so much? With the sex of your baby, find out if you want to and don't if you don't. Surely nobody outside your immediate family really cares very much.

Exactly the same as us Oysterbabe. Didn't find out first time as we didn't feel a need to, we did the second time as it helped with planning. Both times equally magical. Agree that people on here are sneery about people finding out.

What on earth does a baby need that is gendered?

Somewhere to sleep? You know a tiny baby can sleep in a drawer for a couple of weeks, or a sturdy cardboard box.

Clothes? Baby couldn't give a shit what colour its clothes are. Pink, blue, yellow, cream? As long as they're comfy, warm and dry.

Nappies? Yep. It's a really good idea to have some nappies before baby arrives.

Milk? Breast feed or bottle feed. As long as baby is full baby doesn't really care where the milk comes from.

Everything else is jam.

And in this day and age, if there's something you find you really need, t'internet will provide it the very next day.

Presuming there are no single sex schools requiring pre-birth registration, and that we're not predicting that the imminent demise of the tampon tax will cause them to become unavailable ever again after this year, I can't think of anything which could need organising which depends on your baby's sex. Of course, if you give a shit about gender then you might wish to know but apparently you won't be able to till the kid 'identifies' ....