To say that people who don't find out the sex of their babies beforehand can still be organised people?

[turquoise88]

We didn't find out the sex of DD1 until she was born, nor are we finding out the sex of baby #2.

I guess that finding out the sex of your baby is quite common now, but AIBU to get frustrated that I seem to be met with many comments from people who have found out the sex, about how they just want to "be organised" "have everything ready" and "bond with their baby as they know what they are having."

I see myself as a very organised person, both at work and home and I'd like to think I have everything my baby needs, including unisex clothing (heaven forbid!) before they are born.

I know it's quite trivial. It's just something that grinds my gears.

I'm not six, I don't need 'special, magical surprises' to get me through life.

It does surprise me irl how many sensible people go in for the "it will ruin the magic". It's not Christmas presents ffs, it's a human being, your child, being born. It's fine if that's what you choose (I did too for dc1), but to claim that finding out will somehow ruin / cheapen the experience is nonsense to me. Again, I've done both and I happen to have found the scan more lovely.

I'd also love to know what the devil a basic btch is, (or a basic bitch for that matter). And fwiw I have no social media at all (except Mumsnet, which I don't count). Do I win classy points from eggs*? Please, please, please ! Also no gender reveal at all .

A friend of mine is terribly successful at work, beautiful home, great career and all the rest. A very confident woman basically and her DH is just the same. She and her DH found out the sex of their first dc but pretended to all their friends and families that they didn't know. They only told us and another couple because we were all expecting at the same time, (the other couple knew what they were having. DH and I genuinely didn't know what we were having). They just wanted to keep it (mainly) to themselves and why the hell not? Nobody else is entitled to that information.

I sometimes wonder how often that happens, (couples finding out but pretending they haven't).

So, all this "classier / comfortable in their own skin and having more faith in the natural process" chat, I tend to take with a large pinch of salt. For all you know, these classier couples might actually know the sex but don't fancy telling you.

I remember saying something to one of DH's younger sisters about waiting to ttc till we were financially able to support our dc and she was all , "you don't plan to have a baby" . She is of the "it's a natural, surprising process which just mystically happens", school of thought, which I think would have been more relevant in Tudor times.

@Gunpowder dear oh dear there are some very sensitive people on here.

"Classy" AND a sense of humour, I'm officially a unicorn.

The majority of my friends found out - and I don't think any worse of them.
Sheep - yes, and would I think more of them for not finding out? YES!

"Classy" AND a sense of humour, I'm officially a unicorn

Really? You seem more of a GF to me...

just that it helped them feel organised to find out?

For What? Getting a head start on the waiting list for Eton if it is a boy?

What on earth needs to be organised beyond baby stuff?

EdmundCleverClogs

I don't understand the question. You know you are having a baby- ie a small human being- why does the sex of that small human being make any difference?

It can make a difference. What if there's a history of genetic illness that only affects one sex?

Had you quoted my full reply you would have seen I mentioned the rare occurrence where it is advisable for medical reasons.

I still have not seen a single reply explaining how in any other situation you need to know the sex to be organised.

I still have not seen a single reply explaining how in any other situation you need to know the sex to be organised.

You don't, it's just something over invested people say to expectant parents - 'oh you're not finding out? How will you know what to buy?'. Most people beyond family don't give a two fucks about the details of someone's pregnancy, beyond hoping both mother and child come out well at the end.

People find out the sex at 20 weeks for a variation of reason, I've still to see why this is a bad thing. Other than denying some the opportunity to be smug about the fact they didn't find out, of course . Do people get a medal after labour for managing to wait another 4 months? Perhaps a Blue Peter badge? One of those nice stickers that teachers give out for managing to kiss arse all year? I'm genuinely starting to wonder.

So basically, you're impatient of you do find out and smug if you don't?!

Realistically I think there's a middle ground here where people just assess and decide based on their own circumstances what they want to do then move on.

In my area the hospital are clear from the start that they will not answer any questions regarding the baby's sex at scans, even if you think you spot something they will not discuss it with you do the only option is to pay £100+ for a private 3D/4D scan. Had it been an option to find out in hospital I might have but I thought the money could be better spent in our situation.

I think people are being unfair about the organisation comment- to many people organisation is a state of mind, a level of control over their life and minimising the unexpected, not colour coded bill filing.

So it makes sense that having all the information makes them feel more organised

So basically, you're impatient of you do find out and smug if you don't?!

I'd just like to clarify that I categorically don't believe all those who choose to wait to find out are 'smug'. This thread has just brought out many who do seem very proud of themselves/judgmental of those who find out at 20 weeks. My genuine opinion is 'who cares' when you find out, there's no need for sneering or the 'in my day they guessed the sex by sacrificing a mammoth to the sun god' brigade.

I don't like surprises. I just don't. Sorry for being a basic bitch eggs

I don't understand why people care what others do.

We were going to find out at the 20 week scan. Baby had legs crossed, we were offered the opportunity at the re-scan and the growth scans we had later on and declined, because we'd decided not to find out.

For us, the moment of DH telling me we'd had a daughter was amazing. For other people, the moment of finding out at the scan is amazing. Some people don't want to know until the birth, some people want everyone to know from 16 weeks. Surely there's no right or wrong way, and neither way is superior?

The only thing I'll confess I don't understand is why you "need" to find out so you know which colour to buy. Your son's willy won't drop off if you buy him a t-shirt in dusky rose. We bought whatever clothes were on offer and looked nice, pink or blue or green or yellow or white or whatever. We still do that now that she's 3

Fandabidozy yep...can't win. Also apparently kiss-arse if you don't, which is a new one on me

A friend of a friend found out she was having a boy. She decorated everything in blue and got all blue outfits. To say there was a stunned silence when she gave birth to a girl instead of a boy would be an understatement. So just because you find out doesn't always mean you know.
We (DH & I) found out but kept it to ourselves until dc's arrivals.

I didn't find out with any of mine including the twins. When asked my reply was always - a puppy!

Doesn't mean you aren't organised - I have always gone for neutral clothes and genderless although slightly mad nurserys.

With dd3 it was very apparent that we were in the minority by not finding out. I love not knowing - gives me a surprise after all the huffing and puffing.

So, let me get this straight, you think people try to discover the sex of their baby in order to be organised? Whaaaat?
On the contrary, they want to know because they are dullards who cannot cope with a surprise on the day. People coped with this historically, after all.

To OP.

Jesus nina. Are you after some GF points? Have you rtft? Some people have referred to their traumatic births and losses and how finding out with their next pregnancy(ies) helped them manage their anxiety. Your sneery "can't cope with a surprise on the day" comment is a little harsh.

At least eggs has been kind of amusing.

I found out the sex of all three of my children at their 20 week scans. I didn't tell anyone else though. I'm odd like that.

All three wore predominantly white babygros for the first six months of their lives as they are easier to boil wash.

I will happily straddle the fence on this one :o

AIBU to think it's far classier to not find out...

Not at all. Totally classless of us to find out so my dying father in law would know the sex of his only grandchild in case he passed away before she was born. Letting my husband give his father the news that it was a girl was such a low rent thing to do.

Gosh I wonder how people managed for 2 million years
Do you ask yourself that every time you sit at your computer to fire off yet another judgement of people you barely know? Whilst drinking your hot coffee, or cold gin, in your centrally heated warm home, which keeps you sheltered and dry. If not, perhaps you will next time you throw a couple of paracetamol over your neck or visit your dentist. 🙄

If your paying maintenance but suspect the child isn't going to college how do you confirm that?

I found out with both Ds's what they were. I was too impatient to wait they both had gender neutral clothes and nurseries all through the first 3 years of their lives so it didn't make a difference imo
And id have been just as organised not knowing

29/08/2017 20:18 Decaffstilltastesweird

Jesus nina. Are you after some GF points? Have you rtft? Some people have referred to their traumatic births and losses and how finding out with their next pregnancy(ies) helped them manage their anxiety. Your sneery "can't cope with a surprise on the day" comment is a little harsh.

At least eggs has been kind of amusing.

What an odious response. Ugh

After personally knowing a couple of mums being told the wrong sex at scan I was not interested in knowing. They struggled with bonding after expecting the wrong sex. It was nice to give news on the day they were born.
I always find knowing other people's babies sex before birth makes me much less interested in the news of the birth. It's like they are telling me something I know.

nina2b, do you not know what 'odious' means .

I always find knowing other people's babies sex before birth makes me much less interested in the news of the birth. It's like they are telling me something I know.

Oh goodness, well if it makes the announcement of a birth of a baby less interesting to people, we should definitely stop finding out at 20 weeks. Actually let's stop announcing births all together, once you've heard one, you've heard them all. Name, weight, baby and mum doing ok kind of pales into significance if you already know it has a penis.

We didn't find out with DS1 & 2. With DS1 i just knew and we referred to him as he throughout the pregnancy, so much so that when he was born we never asked. I was also completely fucked after a traumatic labour and while they were seeing to him we just wanted to know he was breathing.

We did find out with DC3 because i just wanted to pre empt all the 'oooh maybe it's a girl' 'fingers crossed for a girl' comments and basically to shut my mum up bitching about boys. I had practiced my 'it's a boy face and death stare'. then of course it was a girl so we got 'oooh i bet you are relieved'. sigh.

If i had another i wouldn't find out. But then again no one would ever talk to me again so i'd have no one to tell anyway!